Psycho-Babble Writing Thread 513744

Shown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

poem ... It's Too Dark, Love

Posted by Atticus on June 16, 2005, at 12:40:12

It's Too Dark, Love

Walking on sidewalks
In the twilight
Of a Hendrix
Purple haze,
My eyes crawl
On the concrete
As I avert my
Pilgrim’s gaze,
From the pulsing
Anguished face
Of the sun’s
Dying rays.

Bad mojo’s floating free,
But I just inhale the stuff,
It’s too dark, love,
But never dark enough.

Homeless in
Cardboard bunkers,
Silent regrets, their
Tongueless phrase.
The whores
Strut to slowing
Mercedes in
Competing displays.
Times Square titans
Open eyes of light
For the suckers
They’ll amaze.

Bad mojo’s floating free,
But I just inhale the stuff,
It’s too dark, love,
But never dark enough.

And I miss
Your soft whispers,
Spider silk bejeweled
With morning dew,
Fleshly taste
Of entwined fingers,
Scent of rain all
About you.
Slap of your
Purple sandals,
Your fading steps,
Sharp and true.

Bad mojo’s floating free,
But I just inhale the stuff,
It’s too dark, love,
But never dark enough.

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love

Posted by cockeyed on June 16, 2005, at 22:10:49

In reply to poem ... It's Too Dark, Love, posted by Atticus on June 16, 2005, at 12:40:12

DAMN but you got some mojo working. Cockeyed

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus

Posted by Bobby on June 17, 2005, at 8:54:45

In reply to poem ... It's Too Dark, Love, posted by Atticus on June 16, 2005, at 12:40:12

Very good---as usual

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » cockeyed

Posted by Atticus on June 17, 2005, at 10:57:15

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love, posted by cockeyed on June 16, 2005, at 22:10:49

Many thanks, cockeyed. This is sort of a dark meditation on the dissolution of my marriage. Atticus

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Bobby

Posted by Atticus on June 17, 2005, at 10:58:57

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus, posted by Bobby on June 17, 2005, at 8:54:45

I appreciate that -- as usual. ;) Atticus

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus

Posted by TamaraJ on June 18, 2005, at 20:04:58

In reply to poem ... It's Too Dark, Love, posted by Atticus on June 16, 2005, at 12:40:12

That's great!!! I think I'd like to hear it put to music and sung by one of music's finest.

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » TamaraJ

Posted by Atticus on June 20, 2005, at 14:05:30

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus, posted by TamaraJ on June 18, 2005, at 20:04:58

That's actually very perceptive of you. Recently, I've been playing with poems that are like song lyrics (wish I knew someone who wrote music). I hear this poem sung in my head by a melancholic Bob Dylan. Ta. Atticus

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus

Posted by TamaraJ on June 20, 2005, at 17:56:07

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » TamaraJ, posted by Atticus on June 20, 2005, at 14:05:30

Ok, maybe I'm remembering wrong, but for some reason I was thinking that you worked at a university. If so, perhaps there are some aspiring artists in the music department who could do your words justice.

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus

Posted by Susan47 on June 20, 2005, at 21:12:59

In reply to poem ... It's Too Dark, Love, posted by Atticus on June 16, 2005, at 12:40:12

Oh, Atticus, that was so beautiful. I felt it so much.. my god, how you've been missed, Atticus.

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » TamaraJ

Posted by Atticus on June 21, 2005, at 8:48:51

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus, posted by TamaraJ on June 20, 2005, at 17:56:07

No, you remembered right -- I'm a writer and editor in the publications and PR department of a very large state university. Thing is, most of our music faculty are either into classical works or jazz -- not many into Dylanesque pop or rock, as far as I know. But perhaps I can find someone who dabbles on the side. I'm guessing a student would be my best bet. I could just post a little flyer on the bulletin boards in the arts building and see if I get any takers. Atticus

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Susan47

Posted by Atticus on June 21, 2005, at 8:50:52

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus, posted by Susan47 on June 20, 2005, at 21:12:59

Thanks, Susan. I appreciate that. Hope you've been well. It's been a while (almost half a year) since I prowled these boards. Atticus

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus

Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on June 24, 2005, at 20:50:39

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » TamaraJ, posted by Atticus on June 21, 2005, at 8:48:51

F*cking brilliant

Yeah, I could hear Dylan, or Tom Waits

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love

Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on June 24, 2005, at 20:57:16

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on June 24, 2005, at 20:50:39

or, Jessica Simpson, for kind of a dance/pop
version

ow! ow! ow! stop hitting me, It was a joke

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Gabbi-x-2

Posted by Atticus on June 28, 2005, at 14:35:02

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on June 24, 2005, at 20:50:39

Thanks. You're right. Tom Waits would be bloody perfect. Atticus

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Gabbi-x-2

Posted by Atticus on June 28, 2005, at 14:37:15

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on June 24, 2005, at 20:57:16

Easily solved. I'd put a tin of "Chicken of the Sea" on the stage in front of her, so thoroughly confusing her that she'd grind to a halt. Atticus

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus

Posted by gabbii on June 30, 2005, at 16:04:37

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Gabbi-x-2, posted by Atticus on June 28, 2005, at 14:35:02

> Thanks. You're right. Tom Waits would be bloody perfect. Atticus

I thought so, I can actually hear it. Believe it or not, I've had him singing the one line "It's too dark, love but never dark enough" in my head for a few days, (and it's not been annoying me) It certainly shows how powerful your poetry is.

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » gabbii

Posted by atticus on June 30, 2005, at 18:24:25

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus, posted by gabbii on June 30, 2005, at 16:04:37

Thanks, gabbi. I think this piece is the closest I've ever come to writing a poem that would work as song lyrics -- and that refrain came first. The verses were constructed around it. Ta. Cheshire Cat

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » atticus

Posted by TamaraJ on June 30, 2005, at 18:40:50

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » gabbii, posted by atticus on June 30, 2005, at 18:24:25

Just my own personal opinion, but when I read "How much weight can a teardrop bear to hold", I thought it, too, would make a beautiful and moving song.


> Thanks, gabbi. I think this piece is the closest I've ever come to writing a poem that would work as song lyrics -- and that refrain came first. The verses were constructed around it. Ta. Cheshire Cat

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » TamaraJ

Posted by atticus on June 30, 2005, at 18:49:04

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » atticus, posted by TamaraJ on June 30, 2005, at 18:40:50

You're spot on, Tamara. I also wrote that piece as song lyrics. I suppose I went through a phase when I kept mentally hearing Dylan or Waits warbling my poems (if only, eh?), and that had a dramatic effect on the shape they took. That "teardrop" one began with the refrain as well. Ta. Atticus

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus

Posted by KaraS on July 2, 2005, at 0:20:39

In reply to poem ... It's Too Dark, Love, posted by Atticus on June 16, 2005, at 12:40:12

I love it too. Why not shoot for the top and send it out to established artists? You'd have to get some sort of copyright for it first but you probably know mroe about that than I do.

K

 

Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » KaraS

Posted by Atticus on July 8, 2005, at 13:02:03

In reply to Re: poem ... It's Too Dark, Love » Atticus, posted by KaraS on July 2, 2005, at 0:20:39

That's something I'd need to look into first. The copyright on the lyrics isn't an issue. As soon as I typed them and published them on the Web, setting them in a "tangible form of fixed expression," I automatically held the copyright by federal law. If, for example, Dr. Bob were to reproduce them without my permission or without compensation, he'd be in violation of federal copyright law. I think the real problem would be just getting past the ring of bureaucrats and agents that surround most performers. Ta. Atticus


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