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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 5, 2005, at 4:40:05
Somewhere
There is a little girl
Called Katie.
She lives inside me
And comes out when it is safe.
She has a soft toy
A wombat named mouse.
And no matter how much I hide him away
He finds his way back out.I talk to her a little bit sometimes.
She likes to chatter
And ride the bus.But I am awkward with kids
I don't know how to be around them.
And this one terrifies the hell out of me.
She is so small
So innocent
And so fragile
And I'm afraid she'll get hurt
And I'm powerless to stop it
And it'll crush her.Oh please god
Make her go away.Right now she feels very very sad :-(
Posted by Susan47 on April 5, 2005, at 10:12:14
In reply to Somewhere, posted by alexandra_k on April 5, 2005, at 4:40:05
(((((Katie)))))
Who's already been hurt.
You're making it better
because you're taking good care of her.
Now.
Feel how much you love her.
How precious she is to you.
Hold her there, inside....
talk to her, now, when you
both feel alone and lost.
You are there for each other.
You are never alone.
She's everything you think
you cannot be.
But you are, you see.
She'll never be crushed, Alexandra,
because she's safely inside your Being
a warm core of fragility ...
Oh, Little one,
how beautiful you are.
Mouse is your friend,
but so is Alexandra.
Posted by sunny10 on April 5, 2005, at 12:14:10
In reply to Re: Somewhere, posted by Susan47 on April 5, 2005, at 10:12:14
lots of people aren't good with kids... you learn as you go along. Whether you bear the children, or the children bear us "adults", we learn as we go along. There is no one set of owner's instructions, sweetie.
This one has made her presence known; be there for her and she will ultimately show YOU the way. That's how it is with most of us. The children re-teach us how we need to be.
I wish I could find mine- she is still hiding. But I do know that my son has taught me a lot. Poor guy, he was a little too early, I think... He would have had a much easier time on this earth had my inner child come out to be nurtured before he was born. He's had to deal with the broken shell that is me all on his own... Guilt, guilt, guilt.
Don't look away from your inner child or you will feel the same guilt I do... It never seems to go away.
Posted by Susan47 on April 5, 2005, at 13:14:42
In reply to Re: Somewhere, posted by sunny10 on April 5, 2005, at 12:14:10
> I wish I could find mine- she is still hiding. But I do know that my son has taught me a lot. Poor guy, he was a little too early, I think... He would have had a much easier time on this earth had my inner child come out to be nurtured before he was born. He's had to deal with the broken shell that is me all on his own... Guilt, guilt, guilt.
Sunny: I've thought about that too. My oldest is 21 and I raised him the first ten years by myself. He saw too much, he knew too much, he heard too much. But he never flailed me with it, ever. He didn't even always know I loved him. I was a rejecting mother for many years. At times I know I still am. I don't reach out to him very much, but when I do, he's always there. Always loving. Always kind. Always understanding. He has the most love I've ever felt from another human being, save one, and that was really me I know that ... and he still needs me, you know. He calls me anytime he's not feeling good about himself, anything in his life ... and the calls come less and less frequently now than they ever did before. My little boy who went away last September is about to come home a man. I love him so much.
Sunny, do you honestly think your son would be better off not having you as his vulnerable, loving, imperfect, mother? Do you seriously want him growing up not understanding and appreciating the frailty of others, not having a good, open heart because he's been constantly protected from people who are just a little bit Too Strong?
I hope not, because I, for one, truly believe that my own son wouldn't be the person I know he is if he'd been raised in the sheltered, protected place he might have been had I been able to stay with his bio dad. Thank god that never happened.
Posted by Susan47 on April 5, 2005, at 13:19:41
In reply to Re: Somewhere, posted by Susan47 on April 5, 2005, at 13:14:42
Man, did I ever bend that last reality into shape to fit into my framework.
Wow. Amazing minds never end, HAH, they just don't always work properly...
Posted by Damos on April 5, 2005, at 17:45:34
In reply to Somewhere, posted by alexandra_k on April 5, 2005, at 4:40:05
Tears, tears, so many tears, just can't seem to make them stop. Oh Alexandra, oh Katie, precious, precious girls.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 5, 2005, at 23:31:19
In reply to Re: Somewhere, posted by Susan47 on April 5, 2005, at 10:12:14
Oh Susan.
(((Susan)))
You are so beautiful.> (((((Katie)))))
> Who's already been hurt.
> You're making it better
> because you're taking good care of her.
> Now.
> Feel how much you love her.
> How precious she is to you.
> Hold her there, inside....
> talk to her, now, when you
> both feel alone and lost.
> You are there for each other.
> You are never alone.
> She's everything you think
> you cannot be.
> But you are, you see.
> She'll never be crushed, Alexandra,
> because she's safely inside your Being
> a warm core of fragility ...
> Oh, Little one,
> how beautiful you are.
> Mouse is your friend,
> but so is Alexandra.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 5, 2005, at 23:33:33
In reply to Re: Somewhere, posted by sunny10 on April 5, 2005, at 12:14:10
> lots of people aren't good with kids... you learn as you go along. Whether you bear the children, or the children bear us "adults", we learn as we go along. There is no one set of owner's instructions, sweetie.
>
> This one has made her presence known; be there for her and she will ultimately show YOU the way. That's how it is with most of us. The children re-teach us how we need to be.Oh sunny. I know you are right. I know it. I do. I just feel afraid for her and I don't know how to comfort her sometimes. One of my old t's said I just needed to be kind to her. That that was enough. But I still find that really hard sometimes. I feel a bit ashamed to admit that I wish she would just go away.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 5, 2005, at 23:34:10
In reply to Re: Somewhere » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on April 5, 2005, at 17:45:34
How are you holding up today???
Posted by Damos on April 6, 2005, at 0:28:48
In reply to Re: (((Damos))), posted by alexandra_k on April 5, 2005, at 23:34:10
Don't ask me why but crying for you and Katie over in the park this morning seems to have done me a world of good. Nobody appears to have noticed my 3 hour absence, which is even better =0) I'm feeling strangely calm and peaceful now ;-/
There are times Susan gets it so very right and Sunny too. It's okay to be afraid for her, it is. Just trust yourself, okay. You're an amazing, warm, wise, caring, kind, sensitive, complex, special, precious and generally wonderful person that I hope I can take a long, long time getting to know better.
Sorry I wasn't there for you last night. But I am willing to have an AK emergency response chip implanted if that'll help me be a better friend :-)
Lots a love,
The marshmella fella
Posted by alexandra_k on April 6, 2005, at 1:00:48
In reply to Re: (((Damos))) » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on April 6, 2005, at 0:28:48
> Don't ask me why but crying for you and Katie over in the park this morning seems to have done me a world of good. Nobody appears to have noticed my 3 hour absence, which is even better =0) I'm feeling strangely calm and peaceful now ;-/
:-)
Sometimes a good cry can be a good de-stress.
Thats good that nobody noticed your absense... You should remember that in future ;-)
Go get a coffee sometime or something.> There are times Susan gets it so very right and Sunny too.
Yeah. Its freaky when that happens. Freaky, but good too.
>It's okay to be afraid for her, it is. Just trust yourself, okay. You're an amazing, warm, wise, caring, kind, sensitive, complex, special, precious and generally wonderful person that I hope I can take a long, long time getting to know better.
Aw. I can be. At times. When I am on form. Other times I can be a really annoying git. Oh well.
> Sorry I wasn't there for you last night. But I am willing to have an AK emergency response chip implanted if that'll help me be a better friend :-)
:-)
You are a terrific friend, Damos.
Your response time is much better than mine - which can be a bit variable.
> Lots a love,
> The marshmella fella:-)
Take care.
Posted by Damos on April 6, 2005, at 1:15:27
In reply to Re: (((Damos))), posted by alexandra_k on April 6, 2005, at 1:00:48
I have a sneaking suspicion that all my *Katie* related stuff might have finally found it's way out. It's been crushed down in there for a long, long time. Thank you.
You take care too. Hope you get some sleep tonight.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 6, 2005, at 1:23:25
In reply to Re: (((Damos))) » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on April 6, 2005, at 1:15:27
> I have a sneaking suspicion that all my *Katie* related stuff might have finally found it's way out. It's been crushed down in there for a long, long time. Thank you.
((((Damos)))))
You could tell us about the little boy inside of you.PS. Much better response time ;-)
>
> You take care too. Hope you get some sleep tonight.
Oh, I will.
I will.
I am feeling ok.
Thanks you you guys.
I will be ok.
I see my new t on Monday
:-)
Posted by sunny10 on April 6, 2005, at 11:30:50
In reply to Re: Somewhere » sunny10, posted by alexandra_k on April 5, 2005, at 23:33:33
aah, but we can't wish ourselves away, now can we?!
Who was it that said "wherever I go, there I am" ?
Yes, it would be easier if you didn't have to deal with her. You wouldn't be human if you didn't wish for things to be easier. But, please, no guilt, okay? The fact that she's stuck in there, not having made the jump to accept the superego like the rest of you simply means that someone stuck her there. Not you. I'm not talking about placing "blame" here, I'm talking logic. Logically speaking, there is a reason that she is still locked in there, wanting to get out. You were a child then; even if YOU put her in there for safekeeping as a coping skill, you did so for an outside reason. That reason no longer exists, but it is hard work to help that inner child grow up to match the "logical, superego" that is your grown-up part...
You, yourself, write about this stuff SOOOOOOOOOO much more eloquently (and succintly, I might add) than I do. Logically you know this stuff.
I'm just here to give you a little nudging reminder so you can lay off yourself with the whole guilt trip, okay?!?!?
Posted by Damos on April 6, 2005, at 21:26:53
In reply to Re: (((Damos))), posted by alexandra_k on April 6, 2005, at 1:23:25
> You could tell us about the little boy inside of you.And the kids in the back seat are screaming; "Can we go there yet? Can we go there yet?" ;-) Hmmm I wonder??????
Posted by alexandra_k on April 7, 2005, at 1:59:48
In reply to Re: Somewhere, posted by sunny10 on April 6, 2005, at 11:30:50
> aah, but we can't wish ourselves away, now can we?!
Well.. We can try. But it hasn't worked out so well for me so far...
> Who was it that said "wherever I go, there I am" ?
I'm not sure... But who am I?? Katie isn't me. Nope nope nope.
MMmm. I know you are right.
But...
I don't know.
I don't know.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 7, 2005, at 2:01:11
In reply to Re: (((Damos))) » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on April 6, 2005, at 21:26:53
>
> > You could tell us about the little boy inside of you.
>
> And the kids in the back seat are screaming; "Can we go there yet? Can we go there yet?" ;-) Hmmm I wonder??????Just a little bit.
When you are ready.
Poems can be good.
Nice blend of reality and a dreamlike quality
Can capture it quite well.
Metaphoric yet strangely real...
Just when you are ready.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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