Posted by Susan47 on April 5, 2005, at 13:14:42
In reply to Re: Somewhere, posted by sunny10 on April 5, 2005, at 12:14:10
> I wish I could find mine- she is still hiding. But I do know that my son has taught me a lot. Poor guy, he was a little too early, I think... He would have had a much easier time on this earth had my inner child come out to be nurtured before he was born. He's had to deal with the broken shell that is me all on his own... Guilt, guilt, guilt.
Sunny: I've thought about that too. My oldest is 21 and I raised him the first ten years by myself. He saw too much, he knew too much, he heard too much. But he never flailed me with it, ever. He didn't even always know I loved him. I was a rejecting mother for many years. At times I know I still am. I don't reach out to him very much, but when I do, he's always there. Always loving. Always kind. Always understanding. He has the most love I've ever felt from another human being, save one, and that was really me I know that ... and he still needs me, you know. He calls me anytime he's not feeling good about himself, anything in his life ... and the calls come less and less frequently now than they ever did before. My little boy who went away last September is about to come home a man. I love him so much.
Sunny, do you honestly think your son would be better off not having you as his vulnerable, loving, imperfect, mother? Do you seriously want him growing up not understanding and appreciating the frailty of others, not having a good, open heart because he's been constantly protected from people who are just a little bit Too Strong?
I hope not, because I, for one, truly believe that my own son wouldn't be the person I know he is if he'd been raised in the sheltered, protected place he might have been had I been able to stay with his bio dad. Thank god that never happened.
poster:Susan47
thread:480066
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050321/msgs/480221.html