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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by PM80 on March 24, 2005, at 15:25:48
I hope this okay to put up here. It's just how I feel sometimes and I wanted to get it out of being only inside my head.
Red Lines
These are my desperate screams and my shouts,
My unfocused anger from inside to out.
These are my silent cries to survive,
Every one proving that I'm still alive.
These are evidence of the pain I feel,
My hurt that I must from others conceal.
These are my perspective on truth and right,
An emptiness that is real forever each night.
These are lonely hours etched from within,
My reality bared so bright on this skin.
I take control of the world that is mine
Each time I force a scarlet red line.
Posted by rayww on March 24, 2005, at 17:40:36
In reply to Red Lines, posted by PM80 on March 24, 2005, at 15:25:48
I didn't know I could feel such sadness from reading a poem. It almost seems that a person who needs the red line has a deep seeded hope. Now, don't be offended please! These roots and trails bleed deep within our soul and seldom do we reach the core of the pit. But what if that was your real longing? The longing you were completely unaware of? That Christ was cut, and bled for your pain, that he wanted to make himself suffer as much as it is possible for a human to suffer, so He could know how you feel, and then overcome, be it by God himself. let Christ do the bleeding for you, he already has. now let Him heal you. i pray he will.
Posted by sunny10 on March 25, 2005, at 7:31:15
In reply to Re: Red Lines » PM80, posted by rayww on March 24, 2005, at 17:40:36
I would much rather read your lines than see them on your body. ((((((PM80))))))))))
Would it help to pour out your feelings here more often instead of physically hurting yourself?
And I undestand that sometimes there aren't actual words for the pain... maybe you could just "riff" on the keyboard keys; letting the feelings out onto the board and let us try to comfort you?
I come here BECAUSE my existing room becomes lonely, cold, and dark. You all make me feel like I am not alone and that it is not always so cold and dark in my world. Can you let us try to feel your pain with you? A shared load is always easier to bear. That's why I'm here.
Some days I am ok and have more to offer others; some days I need the support myself; some days we share our pain and no one has the energy to actively help others- but still, the shared burden is lighter, somehow.
Posted by dove on March 28, 2005, at 8:49:56
In reply to Red Lines, posted by PM80 on March 24, 2005, at 15:25:48
Very poignant, and very true for many of us. For me, it's anger and frustration--often righteous anger and frustration--that I try to keep inside, try to silence that pushes to be heard in some form or another. Writing does ease the build-up.
I have had a bit of therapy for this one (quite an understaement regarding the "bit" of therapy part) and have found some rather silly (on the surface anyway) methods for dealing with the urges. In actuality, anything that helps one express themself is some manner, and enables them to be heard and their feelings acknowledged is quite helpful, even if they still feel the urges--or even act on them, it is an active step towards recovery.
My heart goes out to you, and my thoughts are with you!
dove
Posted by rayww on March 28, 2005, at 17:14:02
In reply to Re: Red Lines, posted by dove on March 28, 2005, at 8:49:56
> Very poignant, and very true for many of us. For me, it's anger and frustration--often righteous anger and frustration--that I try to keep inside, try to silence that pushes to be heard in some form or another. Writing does ease the build-up.
>
> I have had a bit of therapy for this one (quite an understaement regarding the "bit" of therapy part) and have found some rather silly (on the surface anyway) methods for dealing with the urges. In actuality, anything that helps one express themself is some manner, and enables them to be heard and their feelings acknowledged is quite helpful, even if they still feel the urges--or even act on them, it is an active step towards recovery.
>
> My heart goes out to you, and my thoughts are with you!
>
> doveI would be interested in hearing more about your "silly" methods. The one I most often use is dangerous.
Posted by dove on March 29, 2005, at 9:17:08
In reply to Re: Red Lines » dove, posted by rayww on March 28, 2005, at 17:14:02
One silly method, which I use a *a lot* is expressing myself with temporary tattoos. I not only apply them to my skin, I now make my own tatoodles--as my kids call them. (Realize that having five children quickly turning into young teens can really motivate you to find other ways of expressing emotion than the dangerous ones.)Sometimes the tatoodles are not very pleasant, but it really seems to help me, the expressing part. I tried Henna stuff, dying my skin, but that just ends up sending me batty because it flakes off all over the place and isn't vibrant enough for me to "feel" it. If that makes any sense.
Writing! My number one silly thing to do! My husband still has some issues with receiving my lovely and light-hearted (haha) poetic ramblings, and he doesn't respond in a manner that is helpful to me, and I don't know if he ever will. However, that is my issue really and I just noticed this board in the last month--even though I've been on Babble for years--doh! And I think I can use this board instead of him to apply this method more actively.
Another silly method is pounding on the piano and letting the anxiety/frustration/anger/pain out that way. Only problem is, through a series of bad decisions in the past year and a half, I gave my piano away. So... I'm trying to get one, even an old upright that will probably go through my floor, or a little keyboard, anything, because this one is a definite physical and *loud* emotional release for me.
These methods are so specific to me that I don't know if they will help anyone else. I wish there was a prescription for everyone that could enable them to express and feel in a safe manner, but there just isn't.
I also play the computer games "Diablo II" and "EverQuest" online, which does indeed help. I started by playing just single player Diablo and found myself very pleased with killing monsters and procuring new armor and skills. I moved online for the social interaction. EverQuest provides a lot of social interaction, and time to talk about almost anything and everything in a somewhat safe environment. I have found people who really care and are true friends and they let me express myself, and I return the favor.
With the computer games, they have the added benefit of bonding with my husband and kids, as they also play. We have played America's Army Online, and our whole family was on the same team, working together, and having a ton of fun. A little unorthodox for family quality time, but it does truly work for us. When my kids have had a rough day, I do allow them to play computer games or Gamecube for 30-45 minutes before trying to get them to talk, it seems to loosen their tongues and allow them to say what is really hurting.
We should start a thread for this subject and get other people's input who have the same struggle.... and compile it in Psycho-Babble Tips http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/psycho-babble-tips/links . I don't know which board it would go on though.
dove
Posted by rayww on March 30, 2005, at 0:48:35
In reply to Re: Red Lines (long...) » rayww, posted by dove on March 29, 2005, at 9:17:08
Your ideas are inspiring. I've never thought of the tatoo thing. I have things I do to elevate my thoughts, and I had a cyberspace release for my writing when I really needed it. When I go to bed at night my mind starts racing, but if I put headphones on and listen to certain books on tape or self hypnosis I relax and go to sleep. If I drink coke or chocolate milk before bed I will sometimes be awake all night, or I'll wake up every hour on the hour, but if I don't eat after 6:00 it makes a huge difference. I find a good night's rest does wonders, and being too busy for too long over time is destructive. The writing I did here last week, and reading what others were writing helped me break through the DEAD block. Life is as good as perception. My perception gets really sick sometimes.
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 31, 2005, at 0:30:39
In reply to Re: Red Lines (long...) » rayww, posted by dove on March 29, 2005, at 9:17:08
> We should start a thread for this subject and get other people's input who have the same struggle.... and compile it in Psycho-Babble Tips http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/psycho-babble-tips/links . I don't know which board it would go on though.
Great idea! Social? With a link posted to Psychology?
Bob
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