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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 16, 2004, at 14:11:05
a glass held tightly
I cradle your face in my soft hands
you are beaming
our blue eyes contain each other
I caress your image as I sculpt
Your mind excites my spirit
our bodies ache to be folded together
I am turning away
you are anxiously looking for someone else
our feelings construct emotional boarders
I gaze at your sleeping face
your eyes are moving to some unknown rhythm
our bed rent with twisted sheets
I am alone in the basement and all the lights are out
you have taken the distance you requested
our sweet love is a homeless shelter
I wake at 4 am
your side of the bed empty
our rent was due
I am alone with the scent of you
you have taken all the books away
our lives float in a glass held tightly
Jai
Posted by Atticus on September 16, 2004, at 20:31:54
In reply to a glass held tightly..., posted by Jai Narayan on September 16, 2004, at 14:11:05
Hi Jai,
If I'm reading this piece correctly, then the subtext here is fairly clear. I really don't think you need to feel the sense of abandonment you express here. Different friendships serve different needs for all of us. My increasing sense is that you see the relationship described in this poem as having been torn asunder by another just like it. But that's not the case. The other relationship is quite different. Judging from this poem, you appear to think you are comparing an apple to an apple when my perception is that you are comparing an apple to an orange. Both have their places, both are of value, but I don't think one can really be judged against the other. They are not similar enough to be mutually exclusive; that is the essential truth that I feel it would be most helpful to you to come to understand, both in your mind and in your heart, and to accept. :) Atticus
Posted by malthus on September 17, 2004, at 10:38:49
In reply to Re: a glass held tightly... » Jai Narayan, posted by Atticus on September 16, 2004, at 20:31:54
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 17, 2004, at 11:48:33
In reply to Re: a glass held tightly... » Jai Narayan, posted by Atticus on September 16, 2004, at 20:31:54
Thanks for your interpertation of the poem.
But how did you like the poem?
Does it work?
I incorporated a dream, my past relationship and using "I, you and our" as a way of structuring.
I just wasn't sure it pulled together.Having my ex-husband die is making me look back a bit.
I guess at 56 looking back might be a common phenomenon.
Jai
Posted by Atticus on September 17, 2004, at 12:38:11
In reply to a glass held tightly..., posted by Jai Narayan on September 16, 2004, at 14:11:05
I think the structure and the rhythm work well to create an elegiac and wistful mood. I also like the use of concrete images, such as the missing books (for the longest time, I noticed Alyssa's missing CDs from our rack), to convey concepts. Books are an especially good choice because they tend to embody the intellectual and emotional life of the owner. There is also that haiku-like quality that I've noted in your previous poems: glimpses of frozen images and moments used to create an aggregate portrait. I think this piece is very effective. :) Atticus
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 17, 2004, at 14:33:12
In reply to Re: a glass held tightly... » Jai Narayan, posted by Atticus on September 17, 2004, at 12:38:11
This is the end of the thread.
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