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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Atticus on August 30, 2004, at 21:08:30
And That Kiss Finally Comes, 1989
Orgasm Express abruptly
Splits from the
Station,
Riding slick, fleshy rails
Oiled with passion and
Perspiration,
Silver-toned cars aquiver
With succulent
Vibrations
From nerve-endings twitching
With ever-increasing
Desperation,
And Sally’s rocking in her seat,
Mimicking maximum
Stimulation,
Crying out across the diner
As if drowning in
Sensation,
While Harry shrinks back
In their booth in discomfort and
Frustration
At Sally’s rising cries
And her explosive
Simulation
Of unabashed delight
In pure sexual
Elation,
And Alyssa munches popcorn
Unaware my
Concentration
Is light-years away
From Harry’s sticky
Situation
And the flickering play-acting
Of the movie
Presentation,
Locked instead onto the
Drama of my own
Infatuation
As I lightly brush her palm
In a silent
Demonstration
Of my desire to begin
The sly physical
Infiltration
That marks the first-date ritual
Of mutual
Exploration
Of what new peaks we’ll climb
In our spiraling
Flirtation,
And she closes her hand on mine
Causing an instant
Detonation
Of every cell in my whole body
And renewed
Determination
To touch my lips to hers
In the night’s sweet
Culmination
Of our teenaged hungry yearning
For emotional
Elevation
And that kiss finally comes
At the 23rd Street
Station
And it’s as long and it’s as hot
As in my fevered
Imagination,
And I look into azure eyes
For any hint of
Confirmation
That this might be the start
Of a tender
Conflagration
And in the end we say goodnight
With delicious
Anticipation.
-- Atticus
Posted by Jai Narayan on August 30, 2004, at 21:30:04
In reply to poem ... And That Kiss Finally Comes, 1989, posted by Atticus on August 30, 2004, at 21:08:30
Yum.
Jai Narayan the woman who waits for life to take her into the sensual realm of Atticus's words
Posted by Atticus on August 30, 2004, at 21:52:28
In reply to Re: poem ... And That Kiss Finally Comes, 1989, posted by Jai Narayan on August 30, 2004, at 21:30:04
Well, glad you found it tasty. This one has such a bouncy rhythm to it because that's what I remember first dates feeling like when I was a teenager. Alyssa was 18 and I was two weeks away from turning 19 when we saw "When Harry Met Sally" on our first date. The fake orgasm scene in the restaurant is arguably the movie's most famous set piece, and it was when I delicately tried to break that invisible, unspoken barrier that exists on such a date until the first physical contact is attempted, and accepted, when even the gentle squeeze of a probing hand can seem orgasmic in its intensity. Ta. ;) Atticus
Posted by malthus on August 31, 2004, at 21:06:52
In reply to poem ... And That Kiss Finally Comes, 1989, posted by Atticus on August 30, 2004, at 21:08:30
I really like the way you lead up to the "kiss" in this piece. The title and the first word I knew were foreshadows~~I love the use of foreshadowing particularly Hemingway's~~but then I didn't quite know where it was leading with the city images: "station", "rails", "silver-toned cars" (your poems have such an urgent urban landscape that is appealing to me, being an urban dweller myself.) And finally the kiss comes and where? In an urban place, 23rd station; the place you started out with and end with: "Riding slick, fleshy rails
Oiled with passion and
Perspiration..." Wonderful allusion to an "amorous dalliance" i.e. lovemaking.I also enjoyed the rhymes. I'm not too adept at rhyme but I can see that you rhyme every third line. I know it's not a tercet~a-a-a. It really doesn't matter but is there a name for the way you constructed this rhyme scheme? Is it acatalectic? Is there such a thing as "free rhyme"? Do rappers use a specific rhyme scheme? I usually can't get past the "music" (if you can call it that) part of rap but I really enjoy it "sung" acappella.
And one more question: What book (from the curriculum) did you like the most in high school)? "Beneath the Wheel by Herman Hesse" is mine.
malthus on a quest with a quintuplet of questions for Atticus
(alliteration or consonance?)~~dang, now it is a sextuplet of questions B-)
Posted by Atticus on August 31, 2004, at 21:58:29
In reply to Re: poem ... And That Kiss Finally Comes, 1989 » Atticus, posted by malthus on August 31, 2004, at 21:06:52
Hi Malthus,
This rhyme scheme is called "The Making Up Rules As You Go Along" rhyme scheme. This didn't start out to be a rhyming poem, and it's the first one I've ever attempted. But when I tried to inject at the outset some of that high-octane adolescent sexual energy that I remember being the subtext on every first date I went on at that age, I noticed I'd unintentionally created a rhyme, so I stuck with this, for a number of reasons. I felt it reflected the bouncy, can't-sit-still urgency of adolescent longing; I felt it relected the relentless clickety-clack rhythm made by the wheels of a train; and finally, for the sheer challenge of seeing if I could sustain it and not run out of rhymes before I ran out of poem. I guess I come from the idiot savant school of composing poems (some might argue the savant part ;) ). My only rule with poetry is no rules. If it works, great; if it flops, well, better luck next time. For me it's a form that begs for experimentation if it's not going to get dull to the author. Every other poem I've ever written has been free verse, heavily influenced by the Beats and flavored by the Punks.
Hmmm. What book did I like in the high school curriculum the most? Good question, because I didn't encounter my favorite book, "Catch-22", until college. I read "On the Road" by Kerouac and liked that, but it wasn't part of school work. I guess it would be Steinbeck's "The Grapes of Wrath", because it began the nascent stirrings of outrage at social injustice that is now such an ingrained part of my outlook. There's just this need to confront what I see as cruelty, and in fact it earned me my second PBC today from Dr. B in the last month for asking some rather pointed questions of someone who was flaming people left and right on Social. So it goes. I don't know the answers to any of your other questions, I'm afraid. I hope you're feeling better tonight, serious puppy. ;) Atticus, tilter at windmills
Posted by malthus on September 1, 2004, at 16:57:09
In reply to Re: poem ... And That Kiss Finally Comes, 1989 » malthus, posted by Atticus on August 31, 2004, at 21:58:29
Hi Atticus:
Thanks for answering my questions. I don't remember reading "The Grapes of Wrath" in high school but I do remember reading "Of Mice and Men" and getting so depressed after reading it (even though I liked it very much.)
The whole PBC has me a bit perplexed, but I never post there because the one time that I did read some posts, my impression was that it just seems to go all over the place in terms of themes. I jumped over there to see what all the ruckus was about after your last post to me. I read your recent posts. I know you said you were taking a break but I hope you won't be away too long. I'm sorry you are feeling poorly, you said the worst you've felt since your hospitalization. I hope it was not in any related to writing about Alyssa. Sorry if I'm overstepping in saying (writing) that.
malthus who feels more sad that Atticus may still feel sad
PLEASE COME BACK... WOOF WOOF
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 1, 2004, at 22:36:15
In reply to Re: poem ... And That Kiss Finally Comes, 1989 » Atticus, posted by malthus on September 1, 2004, at 16:57:09
What are we going to do without Atticus, I am so sad. Depressed is more like it.
I really don't know how to deal with this loss.
Posted by malthus on September 2, 2004, at 22:13:31
In reply to Re: poem ... And That Kiss Finally Comes, 1989, posted by Jai Narayan on September 1, 2004, at 22:36:15
Hi Jai:
I know. I am so sad that he hasn't been here. When I come home from work I can't wait to go to Writing Babble and look forward to his poems, reading the posts that you two write to each other and his posts to me. This whole communicating via a computer is strange because it's not like you can just pick up a phone and hear a person's voice and to express your concern for them with your voice. Aarghhh.
Atticus, where are you??forlorn malthus whimpering for Atticus
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 3, 2004, at 9:09:01
In reply to Re: poem ... And That Kiss Finally Comes, 1989 » Jai Narayan, posted by malthus on September 2, 2004, at 22:13:31
Posted by malthus on September 3, 2004, at 14:45:49
In reply to Atticus will be back! He misses you too. :-) (nm), posted by Jai Narayan on September 3, 2004, at 9:09:01
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 3, 2004, at 15:36:22
In reply to Thanks Jai! Ay! the anticipation, the waiting... (nm) » Jai Narayan, posted by malthus on September 3, 2004, at 14:45:49
Okay, I'm sorry if this is out of line but.....
here goes. Are you a "he or a she"?
I have been very confused by your postings.
Not that is matters but I feel a little gender mixed up.
If you don't want to answer I can totally understand and would not force the question. But I just can't figure it out.
Jai Narayan
Posted by malthus on September 3, 2004, at 18:18:06
In reply to Re: Thanks Jai! Ay! the anticipation, the waiting, posted by Jai Narayan on September 3, 2004, at 15:36:22
Hi Jai:
Not out of line at all! In fact I find it touching somehow that you ask this question. When I was a child we had an Airedale puppy and my father thought he had quite a serious disposition. He named him Malthus after Thomas Malthus, a prolific British philosoher. In any case I loved this dog tremendously. As most terriers are he was fiercely protective of the family but most especially of me; I'm not sure why. Perhaps in his philosophical canine wisdom he knew I needed protection from all the fall-out of my childhood and as a teenager. My father never had him neutered and he sired three litters of the most adorable puppies. I had to assist my father in cropping their poor puppy tails as this is standard procedure for Airedales. Dad said they didn't feel it but I didn't buy it. When I was in my first year of college Malthus escaped (one of his favorite activites for obvious reasons) and never returned. I have been heart-stricken over this to this day and a picture I took of him with my little Kodak camera hangs on my fridge so I can look at him every time I go to the kitchen. (He was particulaly adept at catching tossed peanuts in the air.) So I chose this name and realize it may have masculine overtones but it is a surname so I'm not sure why I think that.
The more interesting question is that you could not distinguish if I was male or female. I am female, but I'm fascinated to hear from you why I may have come across as male! (I was a serious tomboy in my youth; dressed like a boy, played war and tackle football) and was really mad when I couldn't run around the neighborhood anymore shirtless for obvious reasons. If you could see me today you would have a hard time believing this as I am about as girly-girl as one can get.
Sorry to ramble on about my beloved Malthus. He still owns a piece of my heart and always will.
malthus
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 3, 2004, at 20:33:14
In reply to Re: Thanks Jai! Ay! the anticipation, the waiting » Jai Narayan, posted by malthus on September 3, 2004, at 18:18:06
What a wonderful story. I love it. You could write short stories as well.
I kept going back and forth with male female....I just didn't know...
Love the tomboy story...I can see you running through the neighborhoods....
Thanks for the response.
This is the end of the thread.
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