Posted by malthus on August 31, 2004, at 21:06:52
In reply to poem ... And That Kiss Finally Comes, 1989, posted by Atticus on August 30, 2004, at 21:08:30
I really like the way you lead up to the "kiss" in this piece. The title and the first word I knew were foreshadows~~I love the use of foreshadowing particularly Hemingway's~~but then I didn't quite know where it was leading with the city images: "station", "rails", "silver-toned cars" (your poems have such an urgent urban landscape that is appealing to me, being an urban dweller myself.) And finally the kiss comes and where? In an urban place, 23rd station; the place you started out with and end with: "Riding slick, fleshy rails
Oiled with passion and
Perspiration..." Wonderful allusion to an "amorous dalliance" i.e. lovemaking.I also enjoyed the rhymes. I'm not too adept at rhyme but I can see that you rhyme every third line. I know it's not a tercet~a-a-a. It really doesn't matter but is there a name for the way you constructed this rhyme scheme? Is it acatalectic? Is there such a thing as "free rhyme"? Do rappers use a specific rhyme scheme? I usually can't get past the "music" (if you can call it that) part of rap but I really enjoy it "sung" acappella.
And one more question: What book (from the curriculum) did you like the most in high school)? "Beneath the Wheel by Herman Hesse" is mine.
malthus on a quest with a quintuplet of questions for Atticus
(alliteration or consonance?)~~dang, now it is a sextuplet of questions B-)
poster:malthus
thread:384338
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20040828/msgs/385019.html