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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on February 1, 2007, at 16:57:25
I've identified what my problems are. I've identified potential solutions. I've communicated as best I can with my bosses.
And yet nothing changes.
Posted by TexasChic on February 1, 2007, at 20:47:58
In reply to I'm trying, posted by Dinah on February 1, 2007, at 16:57:25
Girl I so understand. Would it be feasible to look for another job? I've found that to be rather cathartic to an unhappy job situation. Of course, there will always be problems, the question is whether or not this particular job is worth these problems. It doesn't hurt to look anyway!
-T
Posted by Dinah on February 2, 2007, at 10:41:47
In reply to Re: I'm trying » Dinah, posted by TexasChic on February 1, 2007, at 20:47:58
I have no confidence in my ability to get another job. I don't make a great impression, and I'm no good at those interview questions.
I feel so trapped. I had another one of those discussions with my husband last night that confirmed my belief that I would not like him as an employer. :)
Posted by Jo U.K on February 2, 2007, at 12:19:19
In reply to Re: I'm trying » TexasChic, posted by Dinah on February 2, 2007, at 10:41:47
Hi Dinah - you know you cant be that bad at first impressions - you got through the interview for the job you have now - even if it now sucks! You must feel very frustrated, nd it sounds like you've made a lot of effort. I agree with TexasChic, maybe start exploring other employment options?
My husband tends to treat me as if I'm an employee - he cant seem to differentiate work/home. I often have to gently ;) remind him!
Posted by Honore on February 2, 2007, at 20:15:48
In reply to Re: I'm trying, posted by Jo U.K on February 2, 2007, at 12:19:19
Hm. From what I heard, you were MUCH too nice when you talked to your nice boss. I mean being reasonable has its limits-- even if you're screaming.
There's got to be a way to reverse the process-- say some really harsh things in a nice voice, as opposed to really considerate (if unhappy about pressures at work) things in an irate voice.
Or you can give me their email. I'll write a letter as your representative. I'll tell 'em-- very patiently-- that you've Had it-- (won't use that expression)--and they need to shape up, or you'll ship out (won't use that expression either) and that you're open to negotiations, if they want to be reasonable.
Just give me the word.
Honore
Posted by TexasChic on February 2, 2007, at 21:07:52
In reply to Re: I'm trying » TexasChic, posted by Dinah on February 2, 2007, at 10:41:47
That's kind of the point, start interviewing for practice! I've done it and its totally worth it! You can make a total jackass out of yourself and it doesn't matter because you don't really want that job anyway! AND you can ask the interviewer for feedback about why they didn't pick you. I've done that too! I don't think anyone is just automatically good at interviews, its an uncomfortable process. It may be harder for some of us, but you still can't expect to just know what to do without study and practice. At least that's what I've learned.
Another thing I've learned is you have to have a backup plan just in case your current job doesn't work out. I actually don't have one right now and I think that's why things are getting to me. When you have a backup plan, even if its only an updated resume and a list of places you would like to apply, it gives you confidence. You don't HAVE to take whatever abuse someone dumps on you because of their own inadequacies. Hmmm, I think I'm inspiring myself here! But seriously, I know what this type of situation does to you and its not good! You have the right to have a job where you are not abused everyday. Sometimes you have to fight for you rights!!! (Didn't mean to go into a Beastie Boy's song there.)
-T
Posted by Dinah on February 4, 2007, at 17:35:56
In reply to Re: I'm trying, posted by TexasChic on February 2, 2007, at 21:07:52
I think I have the beginnings of a plan of action in mind. It's going to take some more thinking. I'm really having a lot of luck in analyzing everything. I'm paying more attention to the work process than I ever have before.
Then it will take some strength of will in carrying it out. That's where I always fall short. Not only does change scare me, but I'm a sucker for being needed.
What I really need to do is leave my therapist out of it. He's making me more angry than he is contributing anything useful.
Posted by TexasChic on February 6, 2007, at 21:12:56
In reply to Re: I'm trying, posted by Dinah on February 4, 2007, at 17:35:56
Why is your T making you angry? Is he pushing you too hard?
Its good that you have a plan, that's a start. Try not to worry about failing so much as taking one small step at a time. Just do one small thing in the direction you want to go.
I'm trying to take my job one step at a time too. Right now its going fine because I'm getting all my work done very quickly. The test will be when I screw up - because everyone screws up eventually. So how my boss handles that and how I her handle her reaction will be what matters.
So would you care to discuss the specifics of your work difficulties? I'm by no means an expert but it might be good to bounce some ideas off someone.
I don't visit this board as often as social but I will check back here. Considering how much of my life is devoted to work its definitely something to give some thought to.
I worry that my emotional outburst will hurt me later. But that's the closest I can come to taking up for myself! But each time I get a little better, so maybe practice is the key. That's how I make my small steps.
-T
Posted by Dinah on February 8, 2007, at 10:00:52
In reply to Re: I'm trying » Dinah, posted by TexasChic on February 6, 2007, at 21:12:56
My feeling is that my therapist is not at all neutral about work. He has a strong work ethic himself, he thinks I'm lucky to have my job (and in my opinion doesn't put enough weight on the negatives), and of course my job pays his fees both directly and indirectly.
He does push too much in the direction of "just do it" when what I need more is understanding why I can't seem to "just do it" and whether those reasons are valid or not. Or he'll push me to make decisions at work that I'm just not ready to make, or that I make and don't really follow up on.
I understand why he's doing what he's doing, but I never find it all that helpful to be nagged or badgered. It tends to have the opposite effect than intended. Maybe that's childish of me, but it tends to be true.
The session before last he was leaning forward in his seat and doing some version of "just suck it up and do your work" when I told "You've got to back off right now." Then I suggested that it might be more helpful to me if I didn't discuss it with him right now.
I'm feeling a bit calmer now, and definitely see the advantages of continuing to work. Unfortunately, I'm also losing sight of the urgency to change the amount of work I need to do, and am more hopeful that somehow I'll continue to do all of it. Despite the fact that I know that doing all of it will continue to mean doing all of it under stress and later than I would like. And trying to do all of it will just mean my being upset with myself for not being the fabulous employee I used to be.
In fact, just this morning I promised one more thing that I really can't do right now. I did the same thing Monday. I am just an employee that can't say no. :(
But right now that seems better than fighting to negotiate a more reasonable workload and deciding what to give up.
Most bosses seem to be tolerant of occasional mistakes from otherwise good employees. I'm not sure about emotional outbursts, which I'm also inclined to have occasionally under pressure.
I think a lot of my benefits and a lot of my difficulties come from the fact that I've not only worked here for 25 years, but I knew these people for several years before that. It helps them put up with me, and it helps me feel responsible in a way that I might not if they were just regular old bosses. But there are also some negative feelings arising from the death of my father, and the death of my best friend who was working there at the time she died, that are more complicated than is usual in a work situation.
Posted by Dinah on February 8, 2007, at 10:07:38
In reply to Re: I'm trying » TexasChic, posted by Dinah on February 8, 2007, at 10:00:52
Those promises I made are just the sort of thing that point out why I need someone to step up and play the role my father used to play in scheduling my work.
I'm a sucker for the emotional or angry appeal, and it keeps me from prioritizing correctly. I need to be able to refer anyone who wants me to do something to one person (although I answer to four) and have them prioritize, tell me what to do, and answer the supplicants leaving me free to actually do the work.
But there's no one to do that. Only one person is even willing to try, and he's the last person I'd want doing it, and he's admitted that if he does it, he'll put his own interests first. I need someone who's willing to do it and also willing to balance the needs of my four bosses and be fair. And who would be diplomatic enough to answer the appeals without causing undue anger, and supervise me without causing me undue anger. We seem to be lacking such a person.
Posted by TexasChic on February 8, 2007, at 20:51:00
In reply to Actually, posted by Dinah on February 8, 2007, at 10:07:38
> I'm a sucker for the emotional or angry appeal, and it keeps me from prioritizing correctly.
I know what you mean I have trouble with that too.
> I need to be able to refer anyone who wants me to do something to one person (although I answer to four) and have them prioritize, tell me what to do, and answer the supplicants leaving me free to actually do the work.
> But there's no one to do that.Well if there's no one to do that, then it means you have to do something else. It does you no good to keep thinking about the way it should be when that's not going to happen. So YOU have to come up with another solution. YOU have the opportunity to change this situation. Is it any harder to try something that will accomplish that than to suffer as you are now? You may as well do the thing that might accomplish something than the thing you know won't. (I hope that doesn't sound pushy I'm actually trying to be inspiring).
Is there anybody like HR or something that you can talk to about this? I realize having worked there so long makes things difficult. But it also means you have some advantages others wouldn't. If you were to tell them how you feel they would listen and take you seriously because they know you.
Anyway I don't feel like I'm coming off as I mean to tonight so I'm going to stop now.
-T
Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2007, at 10:41:14
In reply to Re: Actually, posted by TexasChic on February 8, 2007, at 20:51:00
No, not at all mean.
You're right of course. I've been stuck for years wanting someone to do what my father used to do. We had a mutually beneficial work arrangement. Except that he yelled and screamed at me. But at least it was just him that yelled and screamed. I need to get past wanting what I had, and what worked for me.
I'm a bit stymied as to an alternate solution. I've tried and tried over the last many years to come up with one, but I've failed.
Becoming more firm and refusing to bend would be the best solution, and I'm trying to do that. But the problem is that I see everyone's point when they complain so I feel responsible for doing what I should be doing for them. And the logical way of prioritizing would leave me being unfair to some people, and if I'm confronted on that I cave.
Of course, the other logical conclusion is that I need to reduce my workload to fit the amount of time and energy I have to accomplishing it. Then I won't be letting anyone down. As much anyway, since the nature of my work is that it tends to all pile on at once, then there's a lull, then it piles up, then there's a lull.
But given the state of our city, and the work situation, this is the worst possible time to try to do that. And my bosses are old and tired. They just don't care anymore I don't think. When I try to give work that I can't do to them, it just sits until I take it back and do it. They'll talk to me theory, but not specifics.
There is no HR department. And there's no real heirarchy. Everyone does their own thing. There are only maybe ten people? I'd have to sit and count, but I'd be surprised if there were more than ten.
This is the end of the thread.
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