Posted by Dinah on February 8, 2007, at 10:00:52
In reply to Re: I'm trying » Dinah, posted by TexasChic on February 6, 2007, at 21:12:56
My feeling is that my therapist is not at all neutral about work. He has a strong work ethic himself, he thinks I'm lucky to have my job (and in my opinion doesn't put enough weight on the negatives), and of course my job pays his fees both directly and indirectly.
He does push too much in the direction of "just do it" when what I need more is understanding why I can't seem to "just do it" and whether those reasons are valid or not. Or he'll push me to make decisions at work that I'm just not ready to make, or that I make and don't really follow up on.
I understand why he's doing what he's doing, but I never find it all that helpful to be nagged or badgered. It tends to have the opposite effect than intended. Maybe that's childish of me, but it tends to be true.
The session before last he was leaning forward in his seat and doing some version of "just suck it up and do your work" when I told "You've got to back off right now." Then I suggested that it might be more helpful to me if I didn't discuss it with him right now.
I'm feeling a bit calmer now, and definitely see the advantages of continuing to work. Unfortunately, I'm also losing sight of the urgency to change the amount of work I need to do, and am more hopeful that somehow I'll continue to do all of it. Despite the fact that I know that doing all of it will continue to mean doing all of it under stress and later than I would like. And trying to do all of it will just mean my being upset with myself for not being the fabulous employee I used to be.
In fact, just this morning I promised one more thing that I really can't do right now. I did the same thing Monday. I am just an employee that can't say no. :(
But right now that seems better than fighting to negotiate a more reasonable workload and deciding what to give up.
Most bosses seem to be tolerant of occasional mistakes from otherwise good employees. I'm not sure about emotional outbursts, which I'm also inclined to have occasionally under pressure.
I think a lot of my benefits and a lot of my difficulties come from the fact that I've not only worked here for 25 years, but I knew these people for several years before that. It helps them put up with me, and it helps me feel responsible in a way that I might not if they were just regular old bosses. But there are also some negative feelings arising from the death of my father, and the death of my best friend who was working there at the time she died, that are more complicated than is usual in a work situation.
poster:Dinah
thread:728821
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/work/20061208/msgs/731076.html