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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Honore on December 16, 2006, at 11:19:52
Had a talk with [A] yesterday. She had almost finished her video. [Working with roommate [B], and other dancers, [C],[D],[E],[F] particularly. Told me she showed [F] the video and asked about the part that [C] (and I to some extent) was worried about. [F] had become much more friendly, and relaxed, said it was fine. I felt relieved, also glad that I had encouraged [A] to think [F] wasn't so bad, had been feeling sort of guity about discussing [F]-- but seemed okay.]
[A] was in a great mood. seemed really excited about video, said she would give me a copy. I was surprised, but it was really nice of her.
She said I should present the job in a more detailed way saying more about what I'm looking for. I have doubts, but what J. wrote did that too--
It's hard to believe that people can read it, and take it in, and also understand vague, abstract phrases like "creating a space"-- which [A] used. But on the other hand, models who go to sleep take tautness and clarity out of the situation. You do have to have a certain kind of mental energy, in a situation of intense stasis-- but it's stasis with movement, and you can't go to sleep, or it's just entropy.
[A] is so far ahead of me, even at her age. I'm happy for her. She'll really make something of herself.
I'm almost finished with the drawing. She wants to keep working, which is great, because I really like and respect her so much. Plus I've known her for two years (even if she didn't come for nine months this year--it's still over that time). I have to text her about this week. Yeah. Have to make myself remember. My mind felt as if its been whited out with a constant snowing.
I have to text [A], and write the flier today.
Posted by Honore on January 24, 2007, at 15:40:11
In reply to Being clear.serious, posted by Honore on December 16, 2006, at 11:19:52
So things are going better.
I hired one model, [G], whom I feel pretty good about. Working with her was very tense at first; then she was away for about two weeks on another job, and when she came back, it seemed much more comfortable. Of course there's the Emsam, abilify (if that's helping, which I can't quite tell, but it might be), and my better relationship with my T--all of which have transformed my outlook.
Also working steadily with [A] (despite various crises on her part-- boyfriend ([H]), friends (with whom she's putting on a performance on [xxx]), job at [xxx], and, today, credit card, which has not been properly delivered. It's gotten very late, and I"m pretty sure she's not coming-- since I haven't heard from her-- ie she cancelled, provisionally-- but the work has been going so well-- and I'm very very close to finishing the drawing-- after a lot of crises about its falling apart, and then needing to be worked out. But I managed to do it, so far.
The drawing with [I] is sort of a disaster-- but a good one-- I destroyed the original charcoal, and redid it in pastel, which got to be too much and the colors got dulled and brown from dust. I think I'm getting a better idea of how to work through the dust to something worthwhile, though. I'll have to see, but I'm somewhat optimistic. Depends a lot on my mood when she comes.
I'm also working on some collages. I want to work today, but I'm tired. I need to get into a stronger, more energized state, which I hope I can, but I don't know if it will happen. (Coffee)
Wednesday, Jan 24, 4:30 pm.
Honore
Posted by Honore on January 24, 2007, at 16:30:36
In reply to Work in January, so far, posted by Honore on January 24, 2007, at 15:40:11
I want to try to remember the main people I've worked with because I'm already starting to forget their names, even though I still remember them.
1. [J]-- [J] was a Russian emigree, resister from Communist period. She had been given the right to immigrate and had gotten a green card because of her status as an enemy of the state.
She said she had been in a mental hospital because of her work on a banned newspaper, doing some type of investigative journalism. She told me about some of the treatment in the hospital-- where she had been forced to take massive doses of psychotropic drugs, and chained to a bed. She also was separated from her only child, a daughter named [K]?? , who she described seeing from the hospital window, waving up to her from the street. It's quite possible that this experience had seriously disturbed her, or caused further psychic harm, because she was truly in a rather extreme mental state.
Stuff about her daughter, from whom she was totally estranged--or who, more precisely, was totally estranged from her--or so she said. The daughter was living in [xxx], and was married, and working for [xxx]--and my finding her daughter for her-- online-- which I just remembered-- that was another whole mistaken attempt on my part to "help" her.
She was a very intense, self-dramatizing person, whom I found really compelling as a personality and a model. I remember one story she told me about a Mouse (or was it a Rat, I'm not sure) she 'met" in the subway, who was a Mouse King-- I don't entirely remember how it went, but he followed her down the stairs into the subway, and then around, while they had various conversations during the day. At the time, I assumed it was all fanciful, but later, I began to wonder about her sanity.
One time, I looked out the window to the West, and saw a plane in the sky. At night, they characteristically look like small, intense needles of light. I said, there's a plane... or maybe it's a UFO (which was a joke)-- She said, very earnestly, yes, that's a UFO. She really thought it was a UFO.
At some point, she met and fell in love (or in something, I wouldn't call it love) with a guy who was a [xxx]. He was much younger than she was (I'd say she was at least [xxx], although she was emaciated, and terribly haggard, so maybe she was younger)-- but he was much younger-- he seemed to be very cruel and remorseless with her. One time she had very bad bruises-- (in fact she often had bruises, which she ascribed to poses they "made" her do at the Art Students' League. I never was at all clear how she got them)-- and said he had hit her. I was very upset and urged her to break off with him-- but she was full of stories about how the police did thus and so-- and also mistreated her, and disbelieved her-- and a lawyer she had consulted thought she was "crazy"--and generally spoke so vehemently about so many other things, that it was impossible to focus on how badly he was treating her. She was extremely protective of the relationship, while offering many sordid stories of how harshly and hurtfully he treated her-- and how he only wanted to marry her for her green card (which was how she mentioned that they were going to get married--). But she had to marry him because he wanted her to. She often "had" to do things because someone wsa "forcing" her to. In fact, that was mostly how she pictured everything-- I often wondered what I was forcing her to do-- other than work with me. She eventually got the marriage annulled, I believe.
One other time, she took her work (she was an artist and also wrote stories) to an art gallery. It was either some sort of collaborative or a place to rent space. In any event, they told her some c*ck-and-bull story, so she said, and took her money-- and then wouldn't give it back to her, despite having somehow changed the deal, or renged. At that time $300.00 was a lot of money-- esp. in [J]'s condition-- and I finally got [L] to call them and insist that they give her the money back. They did. She was somehow not very grateful. Which is kind of funny-- and very much in character, also I began to realize that people somehow resent it if you do too much for them-- no matter how much you actually don't expect anything in return. [This was also quite true in the event of my finding her daughter.] It's always been on my mind since then.
I have a book of hers that she lent me about the Russian painter, Borisov-Musatov. It has a text in English, French, German, and Russian. She said he was her favorite artist, someone whom she wished to emulate. He paintedin the late 19th C, paintings that combined a sort of slightly impressionistic (or maybe post-impressionistic) naturalism with symbolism. She thought there was a fairytale quality about him, although I"m not sure I see that so much.
I only saw her a few times after she lent me the book-- she disappeared very abruptly after I tried to help her talk to a Therapist, because she seemed to be me to in a self-destructive spiral, which was rather disturbing. I wish I could give her back the book, but she did disappear. She was working at the Art Students League a few years ago. I met her there, and worked with her privately at Elizabeth Silver's studio, and then at home. She was the first model I worked with by myself.
I don't remember her last name, but I should try to find it. The book is a very high quality edition, and I really feel bad that she doesn't have it-- although it's been a long time, and I suppose it doesn't matter.
[[J], [M](I had completely forgotten her, although not really, just never think about her), [N], [O] (?can't find [O]' name), [P], [Q] (very odd woman who wouldn't talk to or look at me, did portrait of her, we worked on New Years Day that year)]
Also, [R] (young guy), [S] (never finished work with him)
This was a long time ago.
Honore
Posted by Honore on January 24, 2007, at 16:39:11
In reply to Re: People I've worked with, posted by Honore on January 24, 2007, at 16:30:36
[O] still has an art gallery, which now is in [xxx]. Looks like she's exhibiting pretty interesting things. That's so amazing.
[xxx].
Honore
Posted by Honore on January 24, 2007, at 17:17:43
In reply to Re: People I've worked with, O, posted by Honore on January 24, 2007, at 16:39:11
Just found [J]. She has some of her work at a gallery somewhere.
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[xxx]
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Also:[xxx]
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And:
[xxx]
--
[xxx]
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which reminds me, [J] described Siberia as extremely beautiful and luxuriant. She also described growing up in a very primitive, but embracing community, and some sort of female-centered community and religion.Also, her daughter's name might have been [K].
Honore
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