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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pegasus on January 1, 2007, at 21:29:47
So, the most recent development in my work situation is that my department is going to get coached. Those of you who followed my work crisis last summer will recall that my boss gave my job to someone else while I was on vacation, then later tried to demote me, then later was forced by the CEO to give me a reasonable job. Then I developed a really bad attitude, which has been going on for the last few months. And the new person who came in to "share" my old job is annoyingly overconfident and naive and defensive. So, the three of us (me, new person, boss) have not been working well together.
So, they're bringing in a coach to help us solve our interpersonal problems. I suggested it, actually, when my boss asked how we could make progress (why is he asking me?). I told him I didn't think it was possible for the three of us to do it ourselves, and that we needed outside help.
The first "outside" help that we got was to all talk to our HR person. She then told us what the other people said about us (individually of course). Then she send out this hilarious/pathetic email:
All,
Following is a summary of the key points of our individual discussions. The key points noted below summarize what each of you will look for from your team mate so that you can conduct your jobs in a professional, productive manner and receive the support of each team member. It is expected that each of you would begin to act on the key points noted below and exhibit those behaviors.
The key points are:
Peg suggests Boss could help her by providing:
-more direction; being clearer on issues and roles
-a clearer understanding of his priorities- e.g., delivery dates or customer focus
-a foundation/basis for decisions
-recognition of style differences - detail vs. big picture approachPeg suggests New Person could help her by being:
-more approachable, less defensive,
-more open to other ideasBoss suggests Peg could help him by being:
-open to new ideas; not react negatively
-a “positive force” e.g., publicly support final decisions of the team
-approachableNew Person suggests Peg could help her by:
-supporting the team
-being approachableI'm serious! That's exactly what it said! I changed only the names. It's like she has no idea how people work! And it's not even a very accurate paraphrase of what I said.
I meet with the coach tomorrow. Should be fun. I'm kinda looking forward to it.
peg
Posted by Tamar on January 1, 2007, at 21:29:47
In reply to Gonna get coached, posted by pegasus on December 26, 2006, at 10:52:51
Oh boy. Good luck.
We had someone come to coach our department about three years ago, and it was the biggest waste of time I can remember. Most of it was done with all 16 of us meeting together, and the coach talked to us as if we were small children. Luckily for me I was still breastfeeding and had to bring my daughter. So whenever it all got too ridiculous for me, I would pull out my (very large) breasts, with absolutely no attempt at modesty, and offer them to my baby, who always proceeded to suck noisily. Burping her was also lots of fun.
I don’t know if something similar would work for you; my employers are trying very hard to be seen as politically correct (although they’re so not) and that means it’s possible to do just about anything while breastfeeding. (Of course, it’s a different story if we want to be paid the same as our male colleagues.)
Interesting that (according to HR person) both your boss and the new person would like you to be more approachable. Do you think they might have a point, or are you quite approachable enough already?
Or does ‘approachable’ mean ‘compliant’?
I hope your coaching session will be completely different from my experience, and I hope it will help to resolve the difficulties you’ve been having.
Posted by pegasus on January 1, 2007, at 21:29:47
In reply to Re: Gonna get coached » pegasus, posted by Tamar on December 26, 2006, at 20:18:26
Hi Tamar,
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry that it was such a waste of time at your work. Sounds kind of entertaining, in a cynical way, though. Yikes, I can't imagine breastfeeding in front of my colleages here. They'd all totally freak out. I'm glad you were able to, though. It's good for people to see that more often, I think. It's such an unnecessarily hidden part of life. Like, why would it be any more private or gross than us eating our lunches? Anyway, that's a separate issue that I could go on about, being a breastfeeding mom myself at the moment.
Yeah, I hope the coaching thing works better for us. Can't make anything worse, I don't think. And I'm privately looking forward to seeing my incredibly repressed and un-self-aware boss squirm a bit with all the touchy feely stuff.
To answer your question, I have indeed been terribly unapproachable (among other things) since the debaucle around here in July. It's been more or less intentional. I guess it's a response to everyone else's attempts to deny that there is any problem, or avoid it into nonexistence. I've been pretty much in their faces about being disgruntled as a result of being treated so poorly. So, I certainly want to own my very large contribution to our department not working well together. My biggest problem, I think, is that I can't find the motivation to be easier to work with. I'm just still really angry. So, that's what I'll be working on with the coach, I guess.
peg
Posted by muffled on January 1, 2007, at 21:29:47
In reply to Gonna get coached, posted by pegasus on December 26, 2006, at 10:52:51
Posted by pegasus on January 2, 2007, at 9:29:24
In reply to Gonna get coached, posted by pegasus on December 26, 2006, at 10:52:51
I met with the coach last week, and was underwhelmed. He seemed to listen to my story, and he did validate that I had good reason to be angry. And that my boss handled the situation unskillfully.
Then he laid out his conceptualization of the situation, which I have a feeling is the same conceptualization he uses for every workplace problem. Basically, we all learn how to take on the roles of perpetrator, victim, and rescuer. We all develop an affinity for one or another of these positions. When we drop into these roles in relation to each other, we lose our ability to approach things differently, because of our familiarity with those roles. The solution is to learn to communicate assertively, rather than passively or aggressively.
So, then he gave us a rather simplistic article on Conflict Resolution, and one on Managing Emotions. I wasn't terribly impressed with either. I can see that we're going to be approaching this whole thing on a pretty superficial level.
Although, he said that his goal was to help us work as a team, and that to do that we have to have real relationships with each other, and even possibly learn to really care about each other. So that vision appeals to me. We'll see if it can happen. My challenge now is to figure out what I need before I'm willing to do what *I* need to do to make that vision possible.
We have a group session on Friday. Scary thought!
peg
Posted by Poet on January 2, 2007, at 11:46:30
In reply to Had my first session, posted by pegasus on January 2, 2007, at 9:29:24
Hi Pegasus,
I've never been coached, but was forced to go through all kinds of team training.
1. paintball- my company was merging with another and we got together and played paintball to see how we work as a team. All it taught me was that I couldn't hit the broad side of a barn and that paintballs leave welts.
2. One person is blindfolded and the rest of the team guides him/her to pick up various shaped blocks and make a sculpture.
3. What kind of bird are you? Owl? Dove? Hawk? Peacock?
Good luck on Friday.
Poet
Posted by pegasus on January 11, 2007, at 16:26:06
In reply to Gonna get coached, posted by pegasus on December 26, 2006, at 10:52:51
Basically, everyone wants to tell everyone else how much they suck. Apparently, the people that I work with believe that it's perfectly ok for a manager to make decisions about what roles their various employees should have, without checking with the employees. Here's a quote from my manager:
"Peg needs to understand and embrace that I need to organize the team and its resources in the most effective manner and do so with the business in mind first and foremost. Peg's appreciation of this fact adn putting the team ahead of her own personal ambition and ego will go a long way in improving her performance."
Is that reasonable? Is it just me that is offended by this?
Here's another quote from our coach to me after our first session together:
"I am aware that the company culture and the values of the management team are not very supportive of the importance of the individual employee's values, needs or emotions (not unusual). This is very important for you to know and accept, Peg."
Is this helpful? Do I really need to accept this? I don't know how to do that, or want to do it. The coach doesn't seem to have any ideas.
Bleh. I guess coaching isn't interesting or fun anymore.
peg
Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2007, at 9:21:40
In reply to This is really hard, posted by pegasus on January 11, 2007, at 16:26:06
Well, I have trouble accepting it.
Maybe it's just my own problems, but I expect that if someone wants me to give a fat rat's *ss for company values, needs, and goals, they need to be supportive of the importance of the individual employee's values, needs or emotions. If I don't feel cared about, I find it hard to care.
When things like what you describe happen to me, I feel like dumping my work on their doorstep and taking a hike.
You know the funny part is that I'll work my little heart out under the right circumstances...
I guess they expect that employees should just be happy with their paycheck, and as my therapist says, use that money to find satisfaction and happiness outside of work. What outside of work, I ask? We spend most of our time *in* work.
How is the job market for what you do? I was looking in the want ads yesterday and was extremely discouraged. It kind of looked like I could jump from one frying pan to another, or else earn nearly nothing.
This is the end of the thread.
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