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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on November 18, 2006, at 12:03:45
that I feel disrespected.
I felt stung on my father's behalf before he died, and now I feel disrespected on my own behalf.
The move back into our old office is a case in point.
I used to share an office, but I had arranged my portion to suit myself. Then I moved in with my father, because he was always shouting for me anyway. Then they packed up my father's stuff and took his desk away and gave his office to someone else. He was pretty mad because he was still paying for an office space there. I went into another office. Then in the latest restructuring, they divided my old office up so that others would have bigger offices, took several feet off one of the staff rooms and said there'd be no good desks in that office, and I chose to share the other office where there'd be decent desks. The other person was glad to have me there, because I often work from home.
I show up for the first time, and there's my desk, with my phone on it, with my name. But there's someone else's stuff all over it. My officemate wanted to know if it would be ok for another person she was training to use my desk for a while since I'm never there. They moved file cabinets into the room and "my" file cabinets were the ones I thought they'd thrown away after they got broken in the move. The drawers don't open properly and there are caution signs all over them. I'm not sure yet if they just put them there until they can get decent ones to see if they fit, or if I'm supposed to use the broken ones.
So I'm expected to use one of the desks in the other room, short term, even though my phone will be ringing and taking messages in someone else's room.
I said sure, it was fine, I'd just work from home.
But truth is I am angry and feel it shows contempt for me and for my worth. I don't think I deserve that. In a lot of areas I stepped up and took over my father's role, and that's the reason I'm always behind. I'm doing my job and his. I'm not an owner because I declined ownership, not because I didn't have a chance. And I'm a valuable employee. As valuable as any they have at the present time.
I think part of the reason I am having problems buckling down at work is because I'm angry with them, and have been angry with them since they made my father feel marginalized.
And now I'm angry on my own behalf. And hurt.
When I was thinking of moving each of them came to me and begged me to do their work rather than the other people's. They told me that they couldn't do it. They told me how important I was. And this is how they show it. By shunting me from desk to desk and giving me broken equipment.
I have never ever asked for a pay raise or additional benefits. I only get anything because of the passage of time or when other employees bargain for something and I get it too.
But I do ask for a decent desk when I come in, and a few file cabinets. And a space to call my own that's *mine* that I don't have to move someone else's stuff to the side.
Is that too much to ask? In my eyes, it's just asking for respect and recognition of the contribution I make.
Posted by Dinah on November 18, 2006, at 21:46:11
In reply to I think part of the problem is, posted by Dinah on November 18, 2006, at 12:03:45
I think it's the flu talking. I don't generally cry over my seat assignment at work. But right now I'm crying at car commercials.
Posted by MidnightBlue on November 18, 2006, at 21:56:28
In reply to Ugh. never mind., posted by Dinah on November 18, 2006, at 21:46:11
Dinah,
It isn't the flu talking. It is your HEART talking. You miss your Dad and the way it was. You should have been an owner. Could you still be?
MB
Posted by dreamboat_annie on November 19, 2006, at 0:08:16
In reply to I think part of the problem is, posted by Dinah on November 18, 2006, at 12:03:45
It's NOT too much to ask, and you should expect no less. It is, as you have pointed out, a matter of respect! And, it is human nature to want and expect to have one small space that you can call your own in the workplace. I mean, we spend such a significant amount of time at work, it is important to not only our peace of mind but our self-esteem that we have some place in or at which we feel comfortable and "at home".
Posted by Dinah on November 19, 2006, at 11:32:55
In reply to Re: I think part of the problem is » Dinah, posted by dreamboat_annie on November 19, 2006, at 0:08:16
I guess that I'm waffling between realizing that it's not a big deal and that since I work from home a lot, maybe my wishes shouldn't be so important at work.
And thinking of getting everything together and piling it in their office on Monday because I quit.
And I think a lot of it goes back to being furious at how much they hurt Daddy.
I think I'm settling on a middle road of waiting and trying to avoid everything until I've had a chance to calm down a bit.
Posted by Jost on November 26, 2006, at 12:21:29
In reply to Thanks Midnight Blue and Dreamboat Annie, posted by Dinah on November 19, 2006, at 11:32:55
If you want respect, sometimes you really have to demand it. This is really hard (I don't even pretend that I could do it, although I'm trying more-- in my own way).
Your evaluation is that you're an important employee. Places will treat you badly though if you let them.
You should have your own workspace. A good one. With a desk, and private area suitable for you, ie You, not anyone.
You shouldn't be given broken down equipment, imposed upon etc.
They shouldn't have done what they did to your father. But maybe the best way to regain a good sense of the job, despite what they did to him-- is to make sure they don't do it to you.
You can fight for you. And you should fight for you-- and you were speaking from your heart-- and you were right.
Id like to see you take your needs seriously, and speak up, in a good way-- and find a way to reestablish a good feeling about your work, its value and its internal value, in a new, better way.
blech bad sentence-- but I would like to see that
Jost
Posted by Dinah on November 27, 2006, at 16:51:49
In reply to Re: Thanks Midnight Blue and Dreamboat Annie, posted by Jost on November 26, 2006, at 12:21:29
:-)
Believe it or not, when I went in today, I discovered that it still isn't settled where I would be. I told the boss who told me that that I was surprised, since another boss had told me it was settled. But that again, here was what I needed, and I'd go to whichever room was more appropriate as long as I got it, but I did need to know as soon as possible.
Maybe I just expect too much of them. I'd always considered it sort of a family, but maybe it was silly of me to do that. Or maybe it was only a family when Daddy was active there. Maybe it was at his insistence.
At any rate, it's enormously freeing not to care if they fire me, and to hope for it even. I am definitely being firm in what I want, because I am entirely prepared to walk away from the job if I don't get my quite reasonable requirements met. Twentyfive years is long enough to work anywhere.
This is the end of the thread.
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