Posted by Dinah on November 18, 2006, at 12:03:45
that I feel disrespected.
I felt stung on my father's behalf before he died, and now I feel disrespected on my own behalf.
The move back into our old office is a case in point.
I used to share an office, but I had arranged my portion to suit myself. Then I moved in with my father, because he was always shouting for me anyway. Then they packed up my father's stuff and took his desk away and gave his office to someone else. He was pretty mad because he was still paying for an office space there. I went into another office. Then in the latest restructuring, they divided my old office up so that others would have bigger offices, took several feet off one of the staff rooms and said there'd be no good desks in that office, and I chose to share the other office where there'd be decent desks. The other person was glad to have me there, because I often work from home.
I show up for the first time, and there's my desk, with my phone on it, with my name. But there's someone else's stuff all over it. My officemate wanted to know if it would be ok for another person she was training to use my desk for a while since I'm never there. They moved file cabinets into the room and "my" file cabinets were the ones I thought they'd thrown away after they got broken in the move. The drawers don't open properly and there are caution signs all over them. I'm not sure yet if they just put them there until they can get decent ones to see if they fit, or if I'm supposed to use the broken ones.
So I'm expected to use one of the desks in the other room, short term, even though my phone will be ringing and taking messages in someone else's room.
I said sure, it was fine, I'd just work from home.
But truth is I am angry and feel it shows contempt for me and for my worth. I don't think I deserve that. In a lot of areas I stepped up and took over my father's role, and that's the reason I'm always behind. I'm doing my job and his. I'm not an owner because I declined ownership, not because I didn't have a chance. And I'm a valuable employee. As valuable as any they have at the present time.
I think part of the reason I am having problems buckling down at work is because I'm angry with them, and have been angry with them since they made my father feel marginalized.
And now I'm angry on my own behalf. And hurt.
When I was thinking of moving each of them came to me and begged me to do their work rather than the other people's. They told me that they couldn't do it. They told me how important I was. And this is how they show it. By shunting me from desk to desk and giving me broken equipment.
I have never ever asked for a pay raise or additional benefits. I only get anything because of the passage of time or when other employees bargain for something and I get it too.
But I do ask for a decent desk when I come in, and a few file cabinets. And a space to call my own that's *mine* that I don't have to move someone else's stuff to the side.
Is that too much to ask? In my eyes, it's just asking for respect and recognition of the contribution I make.
poster:Dinah
thread:704873
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/work/20060706/msgs/704873.html