![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Poet on July 7, 2006, at 9:09:37
I lost it at work two weeks ago, I dropped the F bomb. I've been officially talked (down) to and now I'm being watched. This isn't paranoia this is observing that the spies are making their rounds more frequently to see what Poet is up to.
I apologized. I explained that I had lost it- it won't happen again (fat chance.) No one except, unfortunately, a bigshot heard me say it to begin with. Damn his big ears.
I am trying to *think it* not say it. T wants me to go to my car and swear or cry when I get frustrated. I can sqeeze a stress ball. I can write it all down. The problem is that these ideas are great when I'm not angry or frustrated. When I'm caught in the moment, it's hard to control that angery outburst or inner child acting out. I hate my job. I hate everything about my job and I hate myself for being stuck in this horrible place.
I know there's nothing anyone, here, can do, I just needed to vent. Thanks.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on July 7, 2006, at 13:28:32
In reply to Losing it, posted by Poet on July 7, 2006, at 9:09:37
I've done it. Not all that often, but I have. I'm lucky that they understood what was behind my bursting into tears and telling them I hated them all.
I wish I knew what to do to keep those meltdowns from happening. You're right. In the moment, it's hard to think rationally or calmly.
Is it possible, maybe, to monitor mounting stress? It rarely really comes out of the blue for me, although it seems that way. It usually comes after a period of mounting pressure that just becomes too much all of a sudden. Maybe those strategies your therapist suggested would be useful somewhere in the process?
Posted by octopusprime on July 7, 2006, at 16:41:48
In reply to Re: Losing it » Poet, posted by Dinah on July 7, 2006, at 13:28:32
I'm sorry Poet. I have had the crying and the yelling and the cursing at work too. What worked for me was a med change and an internal transfer to another department. The meds were a big help. It also helped to start anew with a new boss in a functional department where employees are valued. I hope you are well enough to take big steps to change this situation, sounds like no fun. Good luck.
Posted by corafree on July 8, 2006, at 16:36:40
In reply to Losing it, posted by Poet on July 7, 2006, at 9:09:37
Hey Poet.
Think maybe I've been where you are now.
I finally resigned and won unemployment awarded on the basis of 'personal issues', followed by SSD explained below. But, 'I miss work'!
I was a top worker, but my illness precluded perfect attendance.
I know it's a little different ... but it's a little the same.
I was put on probation, hence not allowed to accumulate PTOs (paid time off) at the rate I should have been, not allowed even unpaid time off, and until met certain probationary requirements, seniority and raises brought to a dead halt.
Back to the top, I was a 'top' producer. I mean, I could do in 4 days what it took others to do in 5 days.
Eventually this 'probation harrassment' for something I could not control, my illness, led me to resign, as the stress of it, was 'feeding the already existing illness'.
I then found another job only to be told 1-1/2 weeks later that 'my memory wasn't good enough'. I tried to explain that I learn by doing, not by reading (It was at a university in the summer.), but I knew there was 'another reason' they were letting me go.
I then got a sales job at a bookstore and a couple weeks later, was told 'my hands shook too much'! Think I was on Effexor and Darvocet (my cervical spine/head pain). I never thought, they may have thought, I was using illegal drugs, until someone mentioned it after the fact.
It was at this point that I realized I was actually a person who should apply for SSD and did and was awarded it.
At first I felt relieved and comfortable, but that didn't last .. oh maybe over a year and a half, before, 'I was really missing working' and the realized what value and sense of purpose it had given me. Yep, I miss it!
Where are laws that protect the 'less than perfect employee' anyway? I wish I had sought out more than immediate unemployment benefits and eventually SSD. I wish I had been able to hire an attorney knowledgeable about disability law.
That's what I'm going to try and find out now, five years later. Really.
Good luck w/ your employer . . . I think I know how you feel . . . they got somethin' on ya' and now they're just waiting for you to screw up. Does it feel like harrassment?
Oh, I remembered the word! It's discrimination.
And that's the big question. When is there 'discrimination' legally? How far does extend? Into the workplace?
How about into the family of origin? I'm faced w/ a rather wealthy family putting the screws to me for the second time. I love them, but!
So, I'm going to do some searching re: disability discrimination law and see if there are any applicable cases.
I'd appreciate it, if you or anyone reading this, would let me know, if you know, of anyone, here, or out there, that could/would be an aide, or aid in my search.
bestwishes, cf
Posted by Phillipa on July 10, 2006, at 22:25:55
In reply to Losing it, posted by Poet on July 7, 2006, at 9:09:37
Feel the same way nursing was my life and I was good. Need to find meds to control anxiety first and depression. Love phillipa
Posted by Poet on July 11, 2006, at 13:25:00
In reply to Re: Losing it » Poet, posted by Dinah on July 7, 2006, at 13:28:32
Hi Dinah,
I am being brave or foolish and posting from work. I have been very careful not to say anything out loud other than the usual inane *okay* or *great* to how I'm doing. Big Shot and Big Brother seem to come around an awful lot to find out that information.
I did go sit in my car, today, and ended up coming in late from lunch which I am sure was duly noted by Big Brother's assistant who saw me.
They told me I can take time to calm down and so I suppose I can use that if she questions on my time sheet why I took so long. I really hate this.
Thanks for understanding, I wish somebody here did.
Poet
Posted by Poet on July 11, 2006, at 13:34:07
In reply to been there too, posted by octopusprime on July 7, 2006, at 16:41:48
Hi octopussprime,
Some of the anger could be meds withdrawal (Effexor XR) which also could be why I'm depressed.
I need to get out of there before I go totally crazy.
Thanks for understanding.
Poet
Posted by Poet on July 11, 2006, at 13:47:21
In reply to Re: Losing it » Poet, posted by corafree on July 8, 2006, at 16:36:40
Hi CF,
Let go because your hands shook too much? They were looking for an excuse and as poor as it was, they used it against you.
I'll try to help you in your search for discrimination info. I'll post anything I find, but I don't dare do it from work. I'm pushing it posting this.
I really hate this. I apologized. What more can I do?
Poet
Posted by Poet on July 11, 2006, at 13:49:37
In reply to Re: Losing it » Poet, posted by Phillipa on July 10, 2006, at 22:25:55
Hi Phillipa,
What is scary is that I am on meds and still feel this way. I'm tapering off Effexor XR so some of the anger might be from that. All I know is I will glue my mouth shut if I have to. I can't afford to get canned or quit. Argh.
Poet
Posted by finelinebob on August 15, 2006, at 3:50:31
In reply to Losing it, posted by Poet on July 7, 2006, at 9:09:37
When I was in HS, there was this one kid who just wouldn't swear. We were in study hall, had the sort of office chairs you could spin on. He did and slammed his knee against a table leg. That HAD to hurt! You could see he was about to explode, but all he said was, "ooooooooOOOOOOOHHHH! BAD WORDS!!"
So that's my suggestion. If you need to vent at work, remember: "BAD WORDS!!"
Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2006, at 10:03:34
In reply to Re: Losing it, posted by finelinebob on August 15, 2006, at 3:50:31
I'm trying to adopt "Shazzbat".
Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2006, at 10:23:07
In reply to Re: Losing it, posted by Dinah on August 15, 2006, at 10:03:34
Oops. It's "shazbot".
Posted by Poet on August 15, 2006, at 15:46:57
In reply to Re: Losing it, posted by finelinebob on August 15, 2006, at 3:50:31
Hi finelinebob,
Bad words...bad words...repeat 1,000 times.Today I let the S word slip, but nobody heard me.
Bad words. Bad words. Bad, boring work, er, bad words.
Thanks for the suggestion. Hope it sticks with me when my brain wants to yell something else.
Poet
Posted by corafree on August 16, 2006, at 12:14:58
In reply to Re: Losing it, posted by finelinebob on August 15, 2006, at 3:50:31
Way, way funny!!! Can't believe you really got to watch someone do that and say that. (But I believe you.) ROFL :) \ (: / :)
Have to look up Shazbot D.
I've been practicing, "Son of bad word!", just walking around the house. But, I kinda' like, "Bad words!" better. (I can see that guy shaking his head and saying it over and over again w/ a determined look on his face!) It's safer-n-nicer than "Son of a ___" too. Practice at home P.
love, cf
Posted by finelinebob on August 16, 2006, at 22:03:40
In reply to Re: Losing it » finelinebob, posted by corafree on August 16, 2006, at 12:14:58
Well, what kinda made it even funnier at the time was that I was a Congressional Page and we were all at Congressional Page School, held every weekday (at that time) from 6am to 10am on the top floor of the Library of Congress. The room we were in looked out over the main catalog room with all of its cabinets and cabinets of card catalogs ... a good distance up from the floor, too.
Must have made a fine echo....
Posted by corafree on August 16, 2006, at 22:17:35
In reply to Re: Losing it » corafree, posted by finelinebob on August 16, 2006, at 22:03:40
Wow! That does really make it even better!
Bad Words! ... Bad Words! .. Bad words!!! ;)
cf
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Work | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.