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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by heart_broken on February 16, 2006, at 21:11:53
My son is 26 years old. I have recently become aware of how serious his drinking problem really is. He did a good job of keeping it a secret for several years. I now know that he has been in trouble with alcohol since he started college. He has lost everything and everyone except for me and his younger brother. And I am not sure how long that will be true. I won't abandon him but I sure do see him differently and so does his brother. Not only is his life out of control, but mine is as well. He has lived with me for only 2 months. He lies, sneaks around, has trashed the living area in the basement, does not adhere to any rules whatsoever, wastes food, runs the heat at 80 degrees while I am away, lights are on all night, doesn't clean up as often as he needs to, rarely eats, and I'm sure I haven't seen it all or don't know everything yet. I can't afford the cost of his presence....money or emotions. He is impossible and I am sure that I am too as I have no time for this behavior. I have "raised" drunks since I was at least 10 years old. I have a blind dog that I can leave home for 12 hours and not worry about. This 26 yr. old can't seem to be left alone for a minute. So I hate going to work because he gets into and does things inappropriate and I hate coming home for fear of what I may find. And everyday, I find something. One day, I am afraid I will find him dead. I could go on for a long time but you get the idea. My life is on hold as always.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 16, 2006, at 23:13:12
In reply to my alcoholic son, posted by heart_broken on February 16, 2006, at 21:11:53
Dear Heart_broken,
I'm Dee, and I'm an alcoholic. I just wanted you to know who is responding.
5 months ago, I woke up in intensive care with IV's and an NG tube, and a catheter, and I don't remember what else. A month prior to that, my therapist had convinced me to look into AA. I tried it, but as they say, I just wasn't ready yet.
I don't think my parents yet know that I've had a problem with alcohol, or at least how much of one.
I lost big.
In any event, believing that your son is an alcoholic doesn't really help him. My therapist believed I was, but nothing happened until *I* believed it.
So, how should you help your son? I'm guessing that's why you are here. Honestly, I've never been in the position of trying to help a family member with such a problem. There is an organization that can help *YOU* though. You can find them here: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Some people go so far as to set up an intervention. Some ask if their relatives want help, and assist them in getting to AA, or a rehab.
After I almost died, and realized what a problem I really had, I went to AA. It's been working for me these past 5+ months, even though I am still dealing with other mental health issues, and have roommates that drink.
Your son is still young. If he wants some information on where to go, or numbers to call, please let me know.
Blessings,
--Dee
Posted by Phil on February 17, 2006, at 13:07:04
In reply to my alcoholic son, posted by heart_broken on February 16, 2006, at 21:11:53
I agree with Dee. Al-Anon can help tremendously. You don't have to talk if you don't want to but by listening you'll find that you're not alone.
I've personally seen the program save people's sanity, if not their life. I was one of them.Phil
Posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2006, at 14:17:39
In reply to my alcoholic son, posted by heart_broken on February 16, 2006, at 21:11:53
Step 1:
- Lock up your valuables, quickly. Lock up the food if you can, and maybe even a locking mechanism around the thermostat like they have in office buildings.
- And, more important, lock up any weapons, even sharp knives.
THEN you are ready to start.
-----------------------------
Al-anon is a great place to start, indeed.
There you will learn that your son'e addiction is alcohol and *your* addiction is your son.
You will learn that your taking him in and cleaning up his messes only encourages him to continue. Why quit, right? There are no consequences to continuing.
You will learn that if he ends up in jail, you should let him stay.
You will learn to **never** make any threats you are not prepared to follow up. If you say you'll kick him out, then kick him out.
You will learn how to reclaim your own life.
And you will learn the two most important lessons:
Your son is an adult and he should be treated as one. Bailing him out is treating him as a baby. If and when he decides to go to recovery, nudging him about meetings and sponsor calls is treating him as a child. He *needs* to be given the dignity to make his own mistakes.
And IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!! Parents and spouses always want to blame themselves. But unless you tied him down and poured the drink down his throat you can not be blamed.
Posted by trialx on February 18, 2006, at 3:15:53
In reply to my alcoholic son, posted by heart_broken on February 16, 2006, at 21:11:53
Sounds like you need to see a therapist to consider how you can set, and abide by, the boundries you need to implement for your own well-being. The reality is this: If your son is truly an alcoholic/addict, then he will continue to wreak havoc in the lives of everyone around him until (and maybe even after) he gets sober or dies. I sugggest talking to a professional to see how YOU can cope with the situation and to learn to make the decisons which are necessary to your peace of mind.
This is the end of the thread.
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