Posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2006, at 14:17:39
In reply to my alcoholic son, posted by heart_broken on February 16, 2006, at 21:11:53
Step 1:
- Lock up your valuables, quickly. Lock up the food if you can, and maybe even a locking mechanism around the thermostat like they have in office buildings.
- And, more important, lock up any weapons, even sharp knives.
THEN you are ready to start.
-----------------------------
Al-anon is a great place to start, indeed.
There you will learn that your son'e addiction is alcohol and *your* addiction is your son.
You will learn that your taking him in and cleaning up his messes only encourages him to continue. Why quit, right? There are no consequences to continuing.
You will learn that if he ends up in jail, you should let him stay.
You will learn to **never** make any threats you are not prepared to follow up. If you say you'll kick him out, then kick him out.
You will learn how to reclaim your own life.
And you will learn the two most important lessons:
Your son is an adult and he should be treated as one. Bailing him out is treating him as a baby. If and when he decides to go to recovery, nudging him about meetings and sponsor calls is treating him as a child. He *needs* to be given the dignity to make his own mistakes.
And IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!! Parents and spouses always want to blame themselves. But unless you tied him down and poured the drink down his throat you can not be blamed.
poster:AuntieMel
thread:610435
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20060205/msgs/610616.html