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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by RobertDavid on December 15, 2005, at 15:45:12
I need help. When I was younger I was a heavy drinker. I quit when I was about 25. I was basically self medicating my anxiety. I realized I was or had become an alcoholic. I quit for 18 years and then started to play with a drink here and there.
Now, about every 1 to 4 weeks I go out and get hammard, smashed. Each time I do that I swear it will be the last time, but I keep doing it. I never know when I'm going to go out and do it, it just happens. Like there is a 800 pound gorilla following me around that jumps on my back when he wants.
It happend again last night. I stayed out till the lights came on. I drove home drunk, don't remember much except a few things that I'm to embarassed to tell.
Then, at bedtime I take my 2mgs of klonopin. I know if I keep this up one day I won't wake up. But I keep doing it. As I sit here I swear that I'll never do it again, have sent out a few emails to friends asking for help.
I need the klonopin, it's the only thing that works for my anxiety, I must quit this crazy binging. I think it's just something I do because 1, I'm an alcoholic and 2, because it's gets rid of the pain (temporarily). Otherwise I don't know.
I become so social, fear nothing. But the depression that follows like now is overwhelming. And the things I do, God. I don't know how I'm going to get through this day. I'm in so much pain physically and emotionally.
Okay, I'm just thowing this out there, I don't know what else to do now. I'm really getting scared that I'll never stop till something real bad happens.....sigh
Posted by ClearSkies on December 15, 2005, at 20:44:00
In reply to Need help: Alcohol, benzos and anxiety, posted by RobertDavid on December 15, 2005, at 15:45:12
I became quite anxious (!!) at the thought of inadvertently permanently injuring myself by taking my xanax for anxiety while my blood alcohol level was still high from the night before. I do think that worrying about my next binge - and I did plan them, BTW - compounded my existing anxiety.
I had to make the equation simpler. It took me 5 years to really get it, that I couldn't trust myself around alcohol at all. When I stopped, my anxiety was horrible, just a day-long state of not being able to slow down my breathing, being jumpy as a rabbit, and having my heart beat so hard I was certain that others could hear it.
I beat this drum often here... I take Campral to help with staying away from booze. It really calmed my worried mind about drinking. It allows me to look beyond the end of my nose and work on behaving differently, making my daily habits healthier and not always concerned about when that gorilla was going to jump out again.
Yes this med has side effects. But so do just about all the other medications I take for bipolar2, GAD and panic attacks. They are what I've decided are "good trades" for a better life for me.Sorry to go on so. Hope this helps.
ClearSkies
Posted by RobertDavid on December 15, 2005, at 22:32:37
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and *TRIGGER* » RobertDavid, posted by ClearSkies on December 15, 2005, at 20:44:00
Thanks for the info. I'm amazed that a drug seeker/investigater such as myself has never heard of Campral. May I ask what your side affects are? I've heard of antibuse before and I wonder how Campral differs.
I really want to say goodbye to the gorilla for good this time. I don't want anymore wasted days, depression from the booze and hope to live a long life, watch my 13 year old daughter grow up, be a good example.
If I catch it now, my bottom will only be as bad a the stupid things I've done while drinking, the hangovers I swore I'd never have again, the money I wasted and missed days at work (like today).
I'm looking for all the support and resources I can get to not wonder when the gorilla will jump on my back again. I hate the feeling of not trusting myself. I want the booze salesman in me to go away for good......
Posted by ClearSkies on December 16, 2005, at 7:38:46
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and *TRIGGER* » ClearSkies, posted by RobertDavid on December 15, 2005, at 22:32:37
There is a website by the pharmaceutical company: campral.com
I think this works on Gaba receptors to reduce the physical and mental symptoms of anxiety about alcohol - the sweating, the ruminating, the worry about the next drink. it doesn't make you sick if you drink, it does not interfere with the action of other psych meds. I still take my usual regime (Cymbalta, Lamictal, Ambien, Xanax) for my illnesses.
I take 666mg three times a day - 6 pills! I'll be on this dose for a year. It's recommended that the med be prescribed in conjunction with therapy or group support for alcohol dependence. Do AA or NA if that works for you, or any other programme that will give you the support you need. (I am in Women For Sobriety and I see a therapist.) It's critical that you don't rely on a med alone to recover from being an alcoholic. Just not drinking won't do it!
Side effects are diarreah, nausea, flatulence. Quite horrible at first but I've been on Campral since August and experience no side effects now.
Let me know how you're doing, OK? We're all in this together.
ClearSkies
Posted by RobertDavid on December 19, 2005, at 1:56:06
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and » RobertDavid, posted by ClearSkies on December 16, 2005, at 7:38:46
Feeling much better. 4 days sober. Alcohol is such a depressant for me. I'm seeking help, talking to my doc this week, going into therapy as well. I have to say this is the strongest I have ever felt about quiting for good. Last time I felt this way I quit for 18 years. But I know I can't do it alone. Anyway, sober and feeling much better today. Glad I'm going to wake up sober tomorrow.....
Posted by ClearSkies on December 19, 2005, at 7:24:23
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and, posted by RobertDavid on December 19, 2005, at 1:56:06
That's great - I'm glad you're feeling better.
Good luck at the doctor's appointment!
ClearSkies
Posted by Phillipa on December 19, 2005, at 18:31:17
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and » RobertDavid, posted by ClearSkies on December 19, 2005, at 7:24:23
Campral still working and relieving anxiety? Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by ClearSkies on December 19, 2005, at 21:09:32
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and » ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on December 19, 2005, at 18:31:17
It's relieving my anxieties about drinking, definitely! No more ruminating or preoccupation. My GAD has improved because of that, I think. Though I still have periods of intense anxiety everyday, they are starting to pass more quickly. I'm impatient and want everything to be All Better... tolerating my pace of recovery is difficult. It's that immediate gratification thing, that alcohol used to seemingly do for me.
Posted by RobertDavid on December 19, 2005, at 21:16:13
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and *TRIGGER* » RobertDavid, posted by ClearSkies on December 15, 2005, at 20:44:00
I'm going to ask my doc about Campral when I see him thursday. One thing I know for sure is that alcohol is a DEPRESSANT. And for me I've learned that a few isn't much fun and I just toss and turn all night. A lot, well, that's just not an option. I'm looking into all the tools I can get to never drink again. Life's too short.
Posted by Phillipa on December 19, 2005, at 21:37:54
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and *TRIGGER* » ClearSkies, posted by RobertDavid on December 19, 2005, at 21:16:13
Confused, so how come the only time I felt great was when I drank 6 beers a night with .5xanax with my docs permission. And slept through the night with no depression or anxiety the next day. As a matter of fact I was loaded wtith energy. Now that I never drink I'm miserable. explain this I can't. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by RobertDavid on December 21, 2005, at 0:06:54
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and *TRIGGER*, posted by Phillipa on December 19, 2005, at 21:37:54
> Confused, so how come the only time I felt great was when I drank 6 beers a night with .5xanax with my docs permission. And slept through the night with no depression or anxiety the next day. As a matter of fact I was loaded wtith energy. Now that I never drink I'm miserable. explain this I can't. Fondly, Phillipa
If you felt great when drinking may I ask why you quit? I have no idea why you feel worse now.
Posted by zero on December 21, 2005, at 0:52:02
In reply to Need help: Alcohol, benzos and anxiety, posted by RobertDavid on December 15, 2005, at 15:45:12
Hi Robert,
I used to binge drink too (weekends). Started in HS when I first discovered that alcohol made me feel "OK" around people (self-medicating - didn't know I had SP back then).
It actually helped more than hurt for a while, as it enabled me to have a social life. But after a while, I would drink more than I wanted to - started having problems as you mention.
In short, the alcohol that had first been a help became a problem.
Lots of ways to address this (as others have mentioned) - maybe Campral, maybe AA (I found AA very benzophobic and anti-psych. meds. in general), maybe counselling.
Now 17+yrs. without alchohol (AA of some help for stopping drinking, more important was ID'ing and treating my SP/BPII w. counselling, meds., DBSA).
Mainly to say your situation is not uncommon - comes with the territory where anxiety disorders are concerned (especially SP - stats. show very high correlation).
Good luck with whatever treatment modality you choose.
z.
Posted by RobertDavid on December 21, 2005, at 0:58:51
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and anxiety » RobertDavid, posted by zero on December 21, 2005, at 0:52:02
zero:
Thanks for your post. Your mentioned ID,ing and DBSA. Would you tell me what they mean?
Thanks
Posted by zero on December 21, 2005, at 10:36:14
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and anxiety » zero, posted by RobertDavid on December 21, 2005, at 0:58:51
ID = Identify
DBSA = Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (nationwide w. local chapters - it's been a huge help to me)
Posted by Sebastian on December 23, 2005, at 16:06:39
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and *TRIGGER*, posted by Phillipa on December 19, 2005, at 21:37:54
Why did you stop drinking?
Posted by Phillipa on December 23, 2005, at 18:59:22
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and *TRIGGER* » Phillipa, posted by Sebastian on December 23, 2005, at 16:06:39
Sebastian because the pdoc put me on chloral hydrate at the time a mickey finn, if I drank. And now I'm just afraid of it. And since I no longer can taste yes it's all true, the thought of not being able to enjoy a drink would depress me even further. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Sebastian on December 27, 2005, at 14:17:26
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and *TRIGGER* » Sebastian, posted by Phillipa on December 23, 2005, at 18:59:22
You might still get the effects of a drink? True? What is the triger? Why do you take chloral hydrate? Does it help?
Posted by RobertDavid on December 27, 2005, at 14:56:14
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and *TRIGGER* » Phillipa, posted by Sebastian on December 27, 2005, at 14:17:26
Just thought I'd report that since my post on 12/15 I've not had anything to drink. Feeling much better. I'm getting support many places, talked with my doctor and have lost my desire to be hungover with all the depression and increased anxiety it causes!
Though I'm not an AAer, it's one day at a time for me. I quit before for 18 years, now I've quit for 2 weeks. It's a start! Thanks for all the insight and support.
Posted by ClearSkies on December 27, 2005, at 15:30:21
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and *TRIGGER*, posted by RobertDavid on December 27, 2005, at 14:56:14
Posted by Phillipa on December 27, 2005, at 20:35:18
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and *TRIGGER* » Phillipa, posted by Sebastian on December 27, 2005, at 14:17:26
Stopped chloral hydrate a year ago. And boy was that hard. But I did it also and never want to go back. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by RobertDavid on January 31, 2006, at 16:21:26
In reply to Glad for you! (nm) » RobertDavid, posted by ClearSkies on December 27, 2005, at 15:30:21
I'm hopeless, at least on my own. I drank so much last night I hardly remember anything. I'm quite worried. A previous poster mentioned that since I know how bad it is to mix benzos and alchool that I must be quite depressed and I agree. And I am in a very dark place right now. I feel so helpless. I don't know why I feel I've absolutely quit for good one day, perhaps a week or two, then just go get hammmard. So I've called my health insurance co to get help. I don't know what else I can do. I have to quit forever. Sorry to seem so self obsorbed, I'm just really hurting right now...
Posted by simon levane on February 1, 2006, at 7:55:13
In reply to Re: Need help: Alcohol, benzos and *TRIGGER*, posted by RobertDavid on December 27, 2005, at 14:56:14
I have heard that AA is really the key to keeping off alcohol.
It means that you have support all the time and you can support others as well.
I met a man not long ago who told me that AA saved his life. He has not had a drink now for 20 years but he still goes to the meetings every week.
good luck.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 1, 2006, at 9:44:05
In reply to Progress report, posted by RobertDavid on January 31, 2006, at 16:21:26
The biggest step is admitting to yourself that you can't do it alone. You've done that, so good job.
That said - the next step is getting help. It sounds like a good inpatient detox followd up by several weeks of intensive outpatient could be in order. One that specializes in dual disorder if possible.
If you have an Employee Assistance Program at work (most big companies have one) be sure you are very cautious about checking it out before contacting them. Many companies = it seems = aren't exactly altruistic in their motives for setting them up.
It helped me, that's for dang sure.
In the meantime, at least do yourself one big favor. If you know you are going to go out to drink first put the benzo bottle in a bottle of water and put it in the freezer.
It might save your life.
Posted by Paulbwell on February 5, 2006, at 0:07:58
In reply to Progress report, posted by RobertDavid on January 31, 2006, at 16:21:26
> I'm hopeless, at least on my own. I drank so much last night I hardly remember anything. I'm quite worried. A previous poster mentioned that since I know how bad it is to mix benzos and alchool that I must be quite depressed and I agree. And I am in a very dark place right now. I feel so helpless. I don't know why I feel I've absolutely quit for good one day, perhaps a week or two, then just go get hammmard. So I've called my health insurance co to get help. I don't know what else I can do. I have to quit forever. Sorry to seem so self obsorbed, I'm just really hurting right now...
I hear Ya!
been on a few months binge a few months ago, today, i drank a fifth of Vodka and had about 30mgs Valium as well+some Ritalin, i feel ok.
I have a public holiday tomorrow, so we'll see, Alcohol just seems to make everything so much more interesting, it's a real pulling substance.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
This is the end of the thread.
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