Posted by RobertDavid on December 15, 2005, at 15:45:12
I need help. When I was younger I was a heavy drinker. I quit when I was about 25. I was basically self medicating my anxiety. I realized I was or had become an alcoholic. I quit for 18 years and then started to play with a drink here and there.
Now, about every 1 to 4 weeks I go out and get hammard, smashed. Each time I do that I swear it will be the last time, but I keep doing it. I never know when I'm going to go out and do it, it just happens. Like there is a 800 pound gorilla following me around that jumps on my back when he wants.
It happend again last night. I stayed out till the lights came on. I drove home drunk, don't remember much except a few things that I'm to embarassed to tell.
Then, at bedtime I take my 2mgs of klonopin. I know if I keep this up one day I won't wake up. But I keep doing it. As I sit here I swear that I'll never do it again, have sent out a few emails to friends asking for help.
I need the klonopin, it's the only thing that works for my anxiety, I must quit this crazy binging. I think it's just something I do because 1, I'm an alcoholic and 2, because it's gets rid of the pain (temporarily). Otherwise I don't know.
I become so social, fear nothing. But the depression that follows like now is overwhelming. And the things I do, God. I don't know how I'm going to get through this day. I'm in so much pain physically and emotionally.
Okay, I'm just thowing this out there, I don't know what else to do now. I'm really getting scared that I'll never stop till something real bad happens.....sigh
poster:RobertDavid
thread:589393
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20051211/msgs/589393.html