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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Impermanence on November 12, 2005, at 2:29:23
It's been a while since I posted here, I hope my fellow peeps are doing O.K., there are a few here I remember who where going through a sh*t time when I left, I hope you're doing O.K.
It's been good for me, I guess I'm here to spread a message of hope, I was as bad as it gets and I've pulled through so believe me when you get past your period of darkness you can and will see a light. Funny thing is I still drink but not like I used to. I don't take class a drugs or smoke weed anymore, I'm off antidepressants and benzos for good 'thank God' but at the weekends I have a few lagers. Trust me from someone who was a hopeless drug abuser and alcoholic it's amazing. I've just lost the addictive drive, well got it under control, I've mellowed out. I don't even smoke cigarettes anymore!!!! I've had a complete turnaround.
It's no rose garden, I have sh*t days, In fact I wake up most mornings wishing I was dead and the first action I have is grabbing my coat so I can fu*k off to the off liecnce or to my mates to get a bottle of vodka, a few lagers and/or an ounce of weed, whatever... But I always pull through, I have a coffee and a Nicorette gum LOL, It's sad but it works, I get over my little morning impulse. It's so fu*king strong at first, it grabbs me by the throat and kicks me in the ba*ls, In fact I was probably dreaming about some drug I used to abuse. But I fight off the initial phase with will power and a deep hatred for how my life used to be and I win, I WIN. The birds sing, my ambition hits me, everything works, I feel good, yes I feel good, I win. I go through the day an hour at a time and I keep winning. I could fill you with sh*t and say it's easy, but its not easy, it takes work, you have to really want to be clean. And when you really do, like magic it happens, it really does.
I still drink a few cans / pints of lager every weekend, I drink 12 on a Friday night and 12 on a Saturday, it's VERY hard on the morning after not to hit the sh*t and spend the day plastered, it's actually hardest for me then But if I didn't allow myself the chance to have a few at the weekend I'd be dead now, and thats a fact. Everybody is different, That 24 lagers at the weekend keep me off the smack and the spirits and it gives me something, albeit small, it gives me something to look forward to at the weekend. I have to have something, I tried it with nothing and tried it with just weed and it doesen't work, I get too complacent and paranoid and usually end up buying ounces of the stuff and end up back on benzos, coke and vodka. I just give in with weed, I get too bored with nothing. It seems to work with just a few lagers alone at the weekend so why change a good thing. I've been doing this for months now without any setback, I feel like I've won the battle but I know I'll never win the war, I always have to observe my actions and mood. Something I didn't talk much about was getting off the 'prescribed' drugs, they where hardest of all. I was on Lexapro and bromazepam, the benzos for years, well I done it like they tell you, just keep cutting down. The Lexapro was HELL,that sh*t like all antidepressants is POISON. The benzos took months but I knew what to expect. I'm 1000 times more confident since I got off the crap my doctor was giving me to feel better, don't listen to them people, Exercise and a healthy diet is what you really need, not toxic crap, but each to their own.
Anyway, that was a bit of a rant lol, I just thought of this place and the wonderful people I met here and had to check in and post. I'm having a beer or four as I post this so forgive me if its not making sence to you, and if you're in that dark place just know others have been there, no matter how extreme and scary or boring it feels, it will pass, you will feel better, trust me.
Posted by ClearSkies on November 13, 2005, at 15:10:28
In reply to Hay everybody.., posted by Impermanence on November 12, 2005, at 2:29:23
So great to see your post!! I'm glad you have found what works for you, and happy for your message of hope.
ClearSkies - I was partlycloudy.
Posted by Reggie BoStar on November 14, 2005, at 22:08:22
In reply to Hay everybody.., posted by Impermanence on November 12, 2005, at 2:29:23
Oh yeah? I've been suffering from long-term cycles of severe depression since I was 10, migraines since I was 14, alcoholism since I was 22.
I'm 55 now. I've tried everything. Trust me on this.
So where's the impermanence? When do I get better?
I think you got lucky.
There are people like you who get better, and there are people like me who don't. I see both types, all the time.
These days, the folks in my camp are hearing about "damage reduction" as opposed to "improvement."
We know what that means.
Reggie BoStar
Posted by sal0805 on November 15, 2005, at 11:50:10
In reply to Hay everybody.., posted by Impermanence on November 12, 2005, at 2:29:23
I remember you so well. It is always so good to hear from somebody after some time.
I remember all you were going through too and yes, I agree, the dark place does pass, until it comes back again, which it is very good at doing when combined with a bottle!
Sabrina
Posted by Impermanence on November 24, 2005, at 18:11:38
In reply to Re: Hay everybody.. » Impermanence, posted by sal0805 on November 15, 2005, at 11:50:10
Thanks so much for your replys guys, it means a lot. Unfortunately, I had a pretty serous relaps (a massive binge). I came into a few Euros (Pounds, Dollars - whatever your currency) I stupidly thought I'd have just a short celebration and was drunk for ....ehh.. lets just say a while. I was brought into hospital A couple of days ago (I think it was a couple of days ago anyway lol, yep, my time preception is all screwed up right now) and they where really nice about it I must say.
They gave me a few 1mg Rohypnol for sleeping an a bottle of Diazepam, Unfortunately it was not enough to keep the 'horrors' away, I have a pretty high benzo tolerance but try telling that to a nurse!! So like the idiot I can be I had a few beers to magnify the benzo intensity. As you can imagine they ran out pretty quickly so I started drinking again (not for pleasure I must stress but to keep the demons away, I cannot handle the horrors, they are pure hell, worse than hell, whatever hell is like, If you even believe in a hell lol). Things got pretty messed up and I was brought into hospital yet again. This time they gave me an injection, I have no clue what it was but it brought me down nicely. I was doped out of my mind!!
My mother was with me so they gave her the pills to take home this time. I think it was about 100 10mg Librium to last a few days but they also gave her A bunch of Clonazine (Thorazine in America), it's a mild antipsychotic. I'm supposed to take 100mgs to 150mgs for sleeping over the next few nights. Now when I read 'mild' on medical websites - this stuff knocked me for six, and I don't mean just made me fall asleep. I was completely disorientated untill about 6pm today when I started comming round, I'm still feeling a little dopey. I could hardly walk on the stuff all day. To be honest it's not a very nice drug, but we're all different right?
Do any of you guys use Thorazine?? If so would you be kind enough to tell be about your own experence please.
One more thing before I forget, I've been taking pretty large amounts of the antacid 'Renny' to help with the alcohol indigestion. Every website with Thorazine information warns against taking with any anticid, is this just a mild warning I can ignore as I'm usually a pretty tough bloke lol, except when it comes to booze of course!!!
Thank you in advance for any enlightenment on the subject. You guys are a joy to have on the net.
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 24, 2005, at 23:57:28
In reply to Re: Hay everybody.., posted by Impermanence on November 24, 2005, at 18:11:38
> Thanks so much for your replys guys, it means a lot...
Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to redirect follow-ups regarding medication to the main Psycho-Babble board. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051119/msgs/581953.html
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Impermanence on November 25, 2005, at 21:37:18
In reply to Redirect: medication, posted by Dr. Bob on November 24, 2005, at 23:57:28
Appreciated Dr Bob, thanks.
This is the end of the thread.
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