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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on November 20, 2004, at 12:33:48
for giving me the excuse to drink last night. thank you for having me black out. thank you for saying stupid things to my husband.
thank you for sending me back to aa today.
thank you for letting me cry in front of a room full of strangers.
i don't think this is a good place for me.
Posted by tankgirl on November 20, 2004, at 17:59:45
In reply to i want to thank you, babble, posted by partlycloudy on November 20, 2004, at 12:33:48
> for giving me the excuse to drink last night. thank you for having me black out. thank you for saying stupid things to my husband.
> thank you for sending me back to aa today.
> thank you for letting me cry in front of a room full of strangers.
> i don't think this is a good place for me.
>WHOA!! What happened? I guess I havent read all of your posts on the other boards.. partly, the posts of yours that I HAVE seen have shown me that youre a REALLY valuable positive influence on this board. You were the first one to reply to my post about the Xanax addiction!! I'm going to try to read some of your posts to find out what went wrong.. did someone say something horrible to you? was it because of my posts? because if so im so terribly sorry!
- i need you here!
please dont leave just yet, Ive hardly gotten to know you and youve already helped me through a rough day!! DON'T GO pretty please?!Tons of Love!
TG
Posted by antigua on November 20, 2004, at 18:55:52
In reply to i want to thank you, babble, posted by partlycloudy on November 20, 2004, at 12:33:48
I'm sorry pc, and I'm sorry you felt so bad. But today is another day, there are no re-do's in life and just chalk it up to another experience. I don't know how we do it, but you just have to do it.
antigua
Posted by partlycloudy on November 20, 2004, at 19:03:19
In reply to Re: i want to thank you, babble » partlycloudy, posted by antigua on November 20, 2004, at 18:55:52
i don't want to do it anymore
Posted by antigua on November 21, 2004, at 0:56:02
In reply to Re: i want to thank you, babble, posted by partlycloudy on November 20, 2004, at 19:03:19
O.K., so what do you want to do? Go back to where you were? Feeling horrible w/hangovers, regretful behavior and very little self-esteem? I'm not trying to be harsh, here, but I've watched you make some great strides and to be happier w/yourself. You were even thinking of changing your name.
Is it the upcoming holiday? They are very hard for me, except that I don't remember a single one from my childhood.How's that for blocking out the past? I've been wanting to drink all week, and I've clawed my way through it. I either am in a manic state or I sleep all day--but I'm not drinking. It's almost as if it's so bad that drinking wouldn't even make much of a difference, but I would have a helluva mess to clean up and I just don't want to deal w/that before a large contingent of my family arrives for the holiday on Tuesday.
On another subject, I'm worried that your T is retiring and you don't have a lot of time to prepare. That was a red light going off for me when you posted that.
hope you're o.k.
antigua
Posted by partlycloudy on November 21, 2004, at 4:26:42
In reply to Re: i want to thank you, babble » partlycloudy, posted by antigua on November 21, 2004, at 0:56:02
i have to get sober and stay sober, that's what i want. as to what triggered this one night binge, i have never needed a reason to drink, but excuses are convenient.
any practiced drunk can think of a reason to drink.
holidays, therapists, medications... there will always be a reason you can give.
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 21, 2004, at 10:29:24
In reply to what do i want to do » antigua, posted by partlycloudy on November 21, 2004, at 4:26:42
dear cloudy..
i misseed that you were struggling..
"tomorrow is a new day" will never be enough comfort..you are hurting today and will hurt tomorrow...
vent..let it out, write it down, scream, cry,...
it will always be today...
live it
jyl
Posted by antigua on November 21, 2004, at 10:32:46
In reply to what do i want to do » antigua, posted by partlycloudy on November 21, 2004, at 4:26:42
You're right, we can always find a reason if we want to; I am the queen of rationalizations (isn't that one of the defenses some of us use? I know I have something about that somewhere). Also, I'm not sure if one night qualifies as a binge anyway.
While one thing may not be the trigger, sometimes it's just the release you (I) need that I can't seem to find anywhere else. However, a pile of things that I find a way to link together in my own consciousness can certainly set me off.
I try not to confuse myself so much anymore. If the consequences outweigh the benefit than I shouldn't drink. Simple as that for me. Also, as one rehab guy pounded into my head: don't take the first drink.
Hope you have a good day. I'm going to start cooking and I have a date w/Spongebob this afternoon.
best,
antigua
Posted by partlycloudy on November 21, 2004, at 11:43:28
In reply to hey hey hey ..., posted by justyourlaugh on November 21, 2004, at 10:29:24
i am still getting over friday night. head is pounding from medication change. my eyeballs are sore but i can't rest. i think i had talked myself into believing i could be moderate and have "just one drink". that's a joke. when you black out you have no idea that you're still drinking. i scared my husband so bad he didn't sleep all friday night. i don't know how to make it up to him, except to get help.
i am going to take it easy today.
Posted by saw on November 22, 2004, at 2:05:30
In reply to Re: hey hey hey ..., posted by partlycloudy on November 21, 2004, at 11:43:28
Your experience is one that happens to me nightly. I am yet to understand how I manage to "hide" it from my husband. He blames medication for memory loss!
I am totally angered, utterly hurt that this should have happened to you. Just this weekend, I was thinking about your progress and wondering how may days it had been since your last drink. I feel so protective when my babble friends are hurt like this.
Whatever you decide, I will always be here for you.
Sabrina
Posted by antigua on November 22, 2004, at 11:01:38
In reply to Re: hey hey hey ..., posted by partlycloudy on November 21, 2004, at 11:43:28
I hope I don't annoy you, throwing in my opinions willy nilly. Tell me to shut up if I hurt you.
My pattern (was and is, I guess) of drinking got worse and more dangerous. The lows got so much lower because I held it all in during abstinence. One T told me you have to change the way you live your life and I told him he was full of it, but now I see some merit to it. Quitting, for me, has to be more than abstaining. I can abstain and rack up the days, but I always get hit later on. I haven't quite figured it out yet.
Hope today is better for you. I'll send you some of the fudge I'm making.
best,
Susan
Posted by partlycloudy on November 22, 2004, at 11:54:48
In reply to Re: hey hey hey ... » partlycloudy, posted by antigua on November 22, 2004, at 11:01:38
Fudge??!! I'll be right over!
My EMDR therapist told me that I had to work on getting a life (subtle, huh?), and I know that me sitting alone with a bottle is the epitome of self isolation.
i am having a very hard time putting myself out there, amongst people. i have become very quiet in groups, unsure of my skill in conversation. this has been progressivley getting worse. i am much more comfortable sitting on my sofa than i would be having a coffee and chatting in a cafe somewhere.
i have lost the ability to take it easy. everything feels charged with importance. there is a true lack of balance going on, and i only started noticing it since i've been on leaave from work.antigua, i always appreciate what you have to say and value your insights.
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 22, 2004, at 12:37:58
In reply to Re: hey hey hey ... » antigua, posted by partlycloudy on November 22, 2004, at 11:54:48
did you go to the gym today?
Posted by vwoolf on November 22, 2004, at 13:43:35
In reply to Re: hey hey hey ... » antigua, posted by partlycloudy on November 22, 2004, at 11:54:48
I feel exactly the same - I can't just chat and see friends like I used to. Everything seems so charged with importance. It's awful.
I am thinking of you a lot, pc. Look after yourself. You're really worth it.
Posted by partlycloudy on November 22, 2004, at 15:02:56
In reply to Re: hey hey hey ... » partlycloudy, posted by justyourlaugh on November 22, 2004, at 12:37:58
Yes, I did. I must remember to avoid the early morning crowd. They like to hoot and holler and I don't. I'm back to 3 x a week, and I am still getting fitter.
Posted by antigua on November 22, 2004, at 15:35:34
In reply to Re: hey hey hey ... » antigua, posted by partlycloudy on November 22, 2004, at 11:54:48
Some things WILL get worse while you find new ways to deal--and I have faith (even if you don't yet) that you will find happier and healthier ways. We just have to; I know I have to if I want to live, and today I've made that decision to live.
I'm headed back to cooking to keep busy.
antigua
Posted by saw on November 23, 2004, at 0:18:01
In reply to Re: hey hey hey ... » partlycloudy, posted by vwoolf on November 22, 2004, at 13:43:35
I agree. I have never been one for the "lets do lunch" thing. I think that is why I enjoy this place so much. I can "say" what I want (sort of), when I want, without actually having to face anyone, even someone I love.
Sabrina
Posted by antigua on November 23, 2004, at 8:02:02
In reply to Re: hey hey hey ... » vwoolf, posted by saw on November 23, 2004, at 0:18:01
I'm trying to get out more with my friends and to share more (If I hear that one more time from my T I'm going to scream!!). I don't like it, but I need to open up my world a little bit. I don't do well w/superficial conversation and I tend to just dive in w/my friends as if they were really interested in the details of my life. (IMO, it has to do w/"confessiong" and "telling" as an adult because there were so many secrets when I was a child). I see the world in black and white and I'm trying to accept that the grey areas can be pretty helpful.
Too bad we all can't have coffee together. We could shortcut all the anxieties. But, this is like doing that, and it's anonymous!
have a good day everyone,
antigua
Posted by partlycloudy on November 23, 2004, at 8:07:29
In reply to Re: hey hey hey ..., posted by antigua on November 23, 2004, at 8:02:02
I'm a skinny decaf grande latte. At least I think that's the order the words go in. And I made a lemon poppy seed bundt cake so we can tell each other where the bits are stuck between our teeth.
Our coffee lounge has big soft chairs that swallow you up and a couple of sofas too.
Hey, any Canadians remember the CBC's The Friendly Giant show? That's the coffee lounge I see us all in. We'd have to get a gag for Rusty the Rooster but Jerome could stay.
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 23, 2004, at 11:20:32
In reply to Virtual coffee » antigua, posted by partlycloudy on November 23, 2004, at 8:07:29
if i can roll in my bed...im there!
would there be a "ticle trunk" full of costumes?
i want to be the princess!
finnigan can sit on my lap..
j
Posted by AdaGrace on November 24, 2004, at 6:34:11
In reply to Virtual coffee » antigua, posted by partlycloudy on November 23, 2004, at 8:07:29
Sometimes I imagine the furniture swallowing me up, but that is usually in one of my horrifying dreams..........
Posted by partlycloudy on November 24, 2004, at 10:01:24
In reply to Re: Virtual coffee » partlycloudy, posted by AdaGrace on November 24, 2004, at 6:34:11
I always liked really squishy soft sofas except for the way your drink had nowhere to park... so I would empty the glass, of course.
And I don't like to pass out anywhere except in my bed. I was at a party once where some guy passed out right outside the bathroom. He was dragged into a nearby spare room and rolled on to a mattress. When he woke up the next morning, he said (quite indignantly), "This is NOT where I passed out!"
Posted by saw on November 25, 2004, at 8:28:39
In reply to Re: Virtual coffee, posted by partlycloudy on November 24, 2004, at 10:01:24
Am I allowed to put something in my coffee other than milk and sugar?
Posted by partlycloudy on November 25, 2004, at 9:30:45
In reply to Re: Virtual coffee, posted by saw on November 25, 2004, at 8:28:39
Yes, any substance required is allowed without prejudice.
I am looking longing at the vanilla extract.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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