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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by man_oh_man1977 on April 28, 2004, at 0:10:52
Hi Gang,
Just looking for a little moral support whilst I am breaking a love/hate affair with drugs and drug abuse that has gone on since I was 12, lasting until now (26). I am using Rational Recovery (the Book) to guide me through this transition, as the 12 step movement is not for me!
I am a creative professional (graphic designer and musician) and here I am at this late hour trying to compose a piece of electronic music. It seems to be going nowhere, fast! It used to be I'd stay up all night smoking grass, popping pills and snorting blow - all in the vain illusion that it was enhancing my creativity. And sadly, I feel that it did. Now, I am frustrated with my work, and am scared that I've totally messed up my ability to "create". I tire so easily, my juices seemed to have stopped flowing and I care so little for the endeavors for which I used to take so much pride in.
If anyone out there is going through similar creative experiences, or has transcended the drug induced creativity blockgage, please post. My life is so messy, drugs are not an option but I rely upon my artistic side to get me through. So, the long and short of it: Help!
Man-oh-man
P.S. Ground, I hope you continue to feel better. If through my example you can see that this stuff catches up w/ you... it sure does!
Posted by rainyday on April 28, 2004, at 8:44:56
In reply to Little Moral Support, posted by man_oh_man1977 on April 28, 2004, at 0:10:52
Not to throw another book at you, but have you read "The Artist's Way"? Perhaps you need to acquire a different way of approaching your creativity. I think that when I was drinking, I THOUGHT it was loosening my creativity up, but it was just messing it up.
I too am not a 12-stepper. I am starting to read the above book and am writing Morning Pages which can be very insightful and help break through creative blocks.
Posted by man_oh_man1977 on April 28, 2004, at 16:35:05
In reply to Re: Little Moral Support » man_oh_man1977, posted by rainyday on April 28, 2004, at 8:44:56
Hey Rainy,
A: I *love* reading; the funny thing is I used to own a copy of the Artist's Way... now if only I can find it!
B: Good to know there are other non-12-steppers; I won't get into the dynamics as to why it doesn't work for me - but I see a lot of people suffering through the steps, and not making much progress. I figure the first few weeks will be hard, but I have hope that I will bounce back!
Thanks for the post, it's so much appreciated. How long have you been sober?
Thanks again,
Man-oh-man
Posted by rainyday on April 29, 2004, at 7:54:30
In reply to Re: Little Moral Support, posted by man_oh_man1977 on April 28, 2004, at 16:35:05
Sobriety and I have known each other for 4 years, and I have relapsed during that time. I still beat myself up every time it happens. I find that some days are easier than others, and there are entire periods when I don't even give it a thought.
I have found that since being treated for BP2, GAD and panic attacks, I cannot tolerate ANY amount of alcohol without having a terrible reaction. I know there are serious risks for liver damage with the medications I am on, but that hasn't stopped me. Blacking out, being sick, and taking 2 days to recover from 3 drinks has been a great deterrent for me. I have had my liver function tested many times and am always surprised to find it healthy.
I'd happy to work with you on living without booze. Obviously I am still learning too.
rainyday
Posted by man_oh_man1977 on April 29, 2004, at 12:15:46
In reply to Re: Little Moral Support » man_oh_man1977, posted by rainyday on April 29, 2004, at 7:54:30
Hey Rainee,
Funny, I have BP2 and Panic Disorder as well. So far so good w/ the drrug use... it's only been a week, but that's a LONG time for me! The annoying thing w/ me is I've been taking copius amounts of drugs despite the meds I am on. I am living in a fog right now - nausea and a hazy feeling. One day I slept for 20 hours - now I have terrible insomnia, but I am exhilarated - this time, I think I'm gonna make it. I am just trying to stay positive, but, alas as some punk some goes "My brain hurts today"...
Thanks RainyDay - 4 years is a super time for sobriety - true, you have slipped up a couple of times, but I think us "addicts" + bipolars are total pleasure seekers. Gotta run right now...
Thanks for your honesty -
Man-oh-manP.S. I borrowed a copy of The Artist's Way from my library... happy to notice that the author was also an addict (booze) and had the same fears about creativity... TTYS, M-O-M
Posted by Impermanence on May 3, 2004, at 20:59:06
In reply to Re: Little Moral Support, posted by man_oh_man1977 on April 29, 2004, at 12:15:46
"I am frustrated with my work, and am scared that I've totally messed up my ability to "create". I tire so easily, my juices seemed to have stopped flowing and I care so little for the endeavors for which I used to take so much pride in."
I totally understand how you feel, I'm also a musician who messed up his life on chemicals and alcohol. I get total brain drain at my p.c. messing about with Cubase sx or the same sample or synth sound for a couple of hours and just get tired and frustrated and lose my creativity. The passion I once had seems to be gone. I'm learing to meditate, and just started on lexapro so maybe things might change. Exercise and a healthy diet including omega 3 oils will help you.
It would be such a shame to see your talent wasted on drugs. Our lives pass in a flash. Believe in yourself.
Carpe Diem.
This is the end of the thread.
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