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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on August 12, 2005, at 8:45:25
Ok, I finally registered for classes. If all goes well I will get my B.Sc. (finally) after the winter term. It sure took me a while.
I think I'm going to switch to another program after I get the degree I'm getting. I need a more specific degree...I'm not going to get any jobs with my degree. I had to switch into a general program because I was doing poorly.
I'm persistent...I won't stop until I make it. (Or maybe I'm just avoiding life some more :-P )
My brain is a bit rusty, so I think I should review some material now, especially my organic chemistry.
I think I need to take some courses about computers in a college program or something, I know next to nothing about computers and it would be very useful to know about them for a career in the sciences.
Anyone know where I should start? I really know *nothing* about computers except the very basics. I want to learn *everything* about them and how to work with them.
I'm going to be in school for a long time!
I've got to take enough courses to bring my GPA back up.
I have to make something of myself! I have to get out there! Ask questions, interact with people.
I sure hope I can do this! I've got to do everything I can to avoid "losing it".
I have to find just the right amount of anxiety...enough to keep me studying, but not so much as to incapacitate me.
Posted by Deneb on August 12, 2005, at 8:45:26
In reply to Must do well in school, posted by Deneb on August 10, 2005, at 22:46:48
Eeeek! Aaaaah! I HAVE to do well!
I'll just die if I don't!
I have to have to do well...no more chances. I will seriously screw things up if I mess up again.
I think I have to quit my job when classes start. I don't think my uncle will like this....how am I going to tell him? I don't think I can handle full time studies and a job at the same time. I cannot handle a lot of stress...I go insane.
My uncle just doesn't understand about school. My parents don't understand it either...they have never gone to university.
I need a mentor...I don't have anyone to look up to. I don't know what to do...I'm heading out into uncharted territories. I don't know how to get a job in my field etc. I just don't know what to do.
I wish my parents could help me out. I wish they spoke and understood English better and had relevant life experience to share.
I'm so alone. I don't want to end up working in a restaurant for the rest of my life just because that is what my family is familiar with.
My parents have never been much help to me in school. I had to learn English all by myself...no one read to me as a child. My Mom was only able to teach me basic arithmetic...I quickly outgrew her help.
I never had an older sister to help me...I'm all alone. The world is scary and ruthless and I'm all alone...no one can help me.
Deneb
Posted by Angela2 on August 12, 2005, at 8:45:26
In reply to Must do well in school, posted by Deneb on August 10, 2005, at 22:46:48
Deneb,
I wish you all the best of luck in school! I admire people who enjoy studying, have the attention span for it to pull A's. I think finding a mentor sounds like a great idea. My academic advisor was my mentor. Although I did not plan to go into that field. Identifying what you want is the first step in the right direction.
-Angela2
Posted by justyourlaugh on August 12, 2005, at 8:45:26
In reply to Must do well in school, posted by Deneb on August 10, 2005, at 22:46:48
"quickly out grew her help"?..
that person.(god) helps them who helps themselves..i try not to put down others while advancing myself...
point.. (i know i can be so fuzzy) .
i know as much in my trade (art) as my sister knows in hers (phd)...we are equal..
Posted by Deneb on August 12, 2005, at 8:45:26
In reply to Re: Must do well in school » Deneb, posted by justyourlaugh on August 11, 2005, at 0:13:59
Huh?
I wasn't putting my parents down. I'm just stating some facts...they could not and can not help me with my academic matters.
I don't think less of them because they didn't go to school, I love them.
I was a bit upset when you seemed to imply that I don't think much of my parents. I understand that there are many different walks of life for people. People who don't go to school are equal to those who do, I understand. There are differences and we cannot assume any are good or bad, especially in the long run.
E.g. (I believe that)Intelligence may have been advantageous in an evolutionally sense in the past, but it may not be in the future...such is natural selection, there are no *good* or *bad* traits, only traits that help or hinder the passing on of genes at one moment in time.
Deneb
Posted by justyourlaugh on August 12, 2005, at 8:45:26
In reply to Re: Must do well in school » justyourlaugh, posted by Deneb on August 11, 2005, at 8:26:05
sorry your feelings were hurt..
i felt the tone of your post was negative towards your family...
one must rely on themselves to move forward..and not blame.
you will do well in school because you want something different out of life..not something better..
Posted by Ilene on August 12, 2005, at 8:45:26
In reply to Re: Must do well in school, posted by Deneb on August 10, 2005, at 23:23:13
> I need a mentor...I don't have anyone to look up to. I don't know what to do...I'm heading out into uncharted territories. I don't know how to get a job in my field etc. I just don't know what to do.
>Most colleges and universities have guidance offices where they can help with this sort of thing. They want you to do well, too.
>
> My parents have never been much help to me in school. I had to learn English all by myself...no one read to me as a child. My Mom was only able to teach me basic arithmetic...I quickly outgrew her help.
>You've certainly done well in the English department! I'm jealous--my parents were immigrants, but they spoke English at home, so I never picked up the other language.
> I never had an older sister to help me...I'm all alone. The world is scary and ruthless and I'm all alone...no one can help me.
>Check out the resources your school has. They really do want students to do well. It's not a contest between you and them.
Best of luck, I.
Posted by justyourlaugh on August 12, 2005, at 8:45:26
In reply to Must do well in school, posted by Deneb on August 10, 2005, at 22:46:48
i think i was picking on you..
you "blocked" me from posting to you in the past..i didnt let it go and had no right to find fault(or make up fault)in your post..
i am sorry deneb..
jyl
Posted by justyourlaugh on August 12, 2005, at 8:45:26
In reply to Re: Must do well in school » Deneb, posted by Ilene on August 11, 2005, at 13:17:48
you have a great personality and i am drawn to you..
Posted by Deneb on August 12, 2005, at 8:45:26
In reply to Re: Must do well in school » Deneb, posted by justyourlaugh on August 11, 2005, at 10:26:52
> sorry your feelings were hurt..
It's ok. :-)
> one must rely on themselves to move forward..and not blame.
That is a very important message...to move forward and not blame others. I think it applies to most people. I've been very lucky, my parents love me a great deal and have always been good to me...other people don't have this.
> you will do well in school because you want something different out of life..not something better..
My parents would tend to disagree here. :-) They don't like the life they lead...they don't enjoy the work they do, but it is the only thing they can do. They could have had better jobs in China, and more friends, but they chose to come to North America so that my sister and I can have a "better" life. They have sacrificed their lives for me and my sister. My Mom even told me this, she said that without us (my sister and me), her life is meaningless and a waste.
All my parents want is for me and my sister to be successful and happy. I cannot let them down. I must do well in school, get a really good job and support my parents for the rest of their lives...it is what I must do.
In the Chinese culture, family is everything...one does not abandon family, ever. One is never truly independent.
Deneb
Posted by caraher on August 12, 2005, at 8:45:26
In reply to Re: Must do well in school » justyourlaugh, posted by Deneb on August 11, 2005, at 19:23:12
> All my parents want is for me and my sister to be successful and happy. I cannot let them down. I must do well in school, get a really good job and support my parents for the rest of their lives...it is what I must do.
>
> In the Chinese culture, family is everything...one does not abandon family, ever. One is never truly independent.I'm starting to understand a little better your obsession with "I have to do well in school." This reminds me of one of my ex-roommates, of Chinese heritage, who was a pre-med from the moment he arrived in college. Getting into med school was his all-consuming obsession. He rigged up a light in the closet so he could study while we were sleeping without the light disturbing anyone. He brought organic chemistry study cards to basketball games.
He also changed majors about twice a semester. (No exaggeration! I think he wound up with a "general studies" degree because he changed too many times to accumulate enough credits in a major.)
He made it into med school (where he changed specialties many times; he went in resolved to be a GP or pediatrician and wound up in anesthesiology). It was a big struggle; he came close to failing out once.
He married, had a daughter, and went into private practice. Then decided he really wanted to do opthamology. Back to school! Somewhere along the way he got divorced...
Several years ago we were talking and he said, "You know what? I should have been an engineer." He added that he only just figured out that he only went into medicine because of parental pressure - he realized this at age 38 or so.
I guess what I want to tell you is that there are many ways to have a successful career and take care of your parents. You know you have a firm commitment to them in your heart, and will fulfill your obligations toward them to the extent that you can. That's very admirable! But the most direct route to being in a position to help them is to know yourself and find the best match for your talents and passions. Certainly employability is important. But I think you are placing far too much pressure on yourself, worrying about your parents and their sacrifices, to make wise decisions.
I'm not sure what you're looking for in a mentor, but feel free to babblemail me if you want to talk about school and beyond some more. I'm a university physics teacher and would like to help. Actually, the word "mentor" is kind of triggering for me, because I don't feel like anyone ever played that role for me. And that's a big part of why I'd be happy to give whatever advice I can to you.
Good luck! And remember, Deneb, you *are* a star. Star's don't worry, they simply shine! :)
Posted by Deneb on August 12, 2005, at 8:45:26
In reply to Re: Must do well in school, posted by caraher on August 11, 2005, at 20:38:14
> I'm starting to understand a little better your obsession with "I have to do well in school."
Really? Even I don't quite understand my obsession. ;-)
>This reminds me of one of my ex-roommates, of Chinese heritage, who was a pre-med from the moment he arrived in college. Getting into med school was his all-consuming obsession. He rigged up a light in the closet so he could study while we were sleeping without the light disturbing anyone. He brought organic chemistry study cards to basketball games.
Wow, that guy sure was determined! Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) I'm nowhere near that studious! I'm a baaad student...skipping classes, last minute studying, never ever answering or asking question etc. :-) Without the structure of high school, I just don't apply myself consistently. Thank goodness I'm still doing well enough despite all my incompletes and exam skipping that my grades haven't dropped low enough to require being put on probation!
Hmmm...know myself...what do *I* want?
The thing is, I think science IS the field for me. I like what I study. I'm not looking to go to med school because 1.) I don't actually want to be a medical doctor, 2.) I won't get in with my grades! :-) Heehee, but seriously, I don't want to be a medical doctor...I'm just not good with working with people.
I'm looking more towards research, but in many ways it is even more difficult to be a researcher than a medical doctor. I'm not sure I'm smart enough to make it. I will settle with taking a small but important part in research. :-) I'm going to have to switch out of my general program first and then do really really well to get into grad school...or I can do some college courses and get a job that pays reasonably well. I'm not sure where I would be happiest.
> Several years ago we were talking and he said, "You know what? I should have been an engineer." He added that he only just figured out that he only went into medicine because of parental pressure - he realized this at age 38 or so.
The thing is, my parents don't pressure me at all. Sometimes I wish they would at least pressure me a little bit and show some interest in my academic life, but they have never ever pressured me. No one told me I had to go to university. Actually, I didn't even know it was an option to *not* go to university! :-)
> Good luck! And remember, Deneb, you *are* a star. Star's don't worry, they simply shine! :)
Thanks Caraher!
I think I'll take you up on that offer. :-) I'll try to offer whatever I can despite my lack of worldly knowledge.
:-)Deneb
Posted by alexandra_k on August 13, 2005, at 17:27:05
In reply to Re: Must do well in school, posted by Deneb on August 10, 2005, at 23:23:13
Well done for enrolling :-)
It sounds perfectly reasonable to me that full time study AND work might be a bit much.
I know that some people in the US manage to study full time and look after children and work 3 jobs all at once, but not me, I most certainly couldn't do that.
I can't even work part time at the same time as studying full time. Full time study is called full time study for a reason.
I don't think it is unreasonable to tell your uncle that you are going back to university and you need to really focus on that for the time being to make sure you do okay.Typically... A bachelors degree isn't enough to get one much of a job these days. You need some form of grad study / specialist program to get a job that makes use of what you have been learning.
But thats okay.
Maybe you want to pick up a comp sci paper or two? I'd quite like to do a couple of those myself.
With respect to a mentor...
Have you phoned your p-doc yet???
Posted by Deneb on August 13, 2005, at 22:23:30
In reply to Re: Must do well in school » Deneb, posted by alexandra_k on August 13, 2005, at 17:27:05
> Have you phoned your p-doc yet???
No, not yet. I keep forgetting or putting it off. I don't really think I need to see her. It'll be kind of silly to see her when there is nothing wrong with me. I'll have to figure how what my schedule is like before I make any appointments, it'll probably be a long while before I get an appointment anyways.
I'll make it in school (or die trying!)
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on August 13, 2005, at 22:26:56
In reply to Re: Must do well in school » alexandra_k, posted by Deneb on August 13, 2005, at 22:23:30
I didn't mean that I'll literally "die trying."
I wasn't joking about death even though I kind of was, if you get what I mean. I'll try to be very careful about this. Sorry again.
Deneb
Posted by alexandra_k on August 14, 2005, at 21:41:24
In reply to Re: Must do well in school » alexandra_k, posted by Deneb on August 13, 2005, at 22:23:30
> > Have you phoned your p-doc yet???
> No, not yet. I keep forgetting or putting it off.LOL!!! You remind me of me so much :-)
Now... Please don't make me chase up links... But it is about those bad times remember? They happen sometimes. I know you don't really want to think about them now, and I don't mean to be a harbinger of doom, but they will happen again. And when you are in a good place school is really important to you and you would do anything to make it work... But when you are in a bad place trying seems pointless because you believe you are destined to fail anyway and what you really need then is someone to help you drag your *ss through it so you actually get your A at the end of the course.
Ringing any bells?????
>I don't really think I need to see her. It'll be kind of silly to see her when there is nothing wrong with me.
Sometimes it seems to be 'there is nothing wrong with me' and othertimes it seems to be 'I may as well just kill myself now' and the truth... probably lies somewhere in between.
Just a little help so you make sure you do alright this time round. Just a little help...
>I'll have to figure how what my schedule is like before I make any appointments, it'll probably be a long while before I get an appointment anyways.
Maybe... But the sooner you call the sooner she'll be able to factor you into her schedule.
I know its scairey...
But please give her a call...
Posted by Deneb on August 14, 2005, at 22:53:06
In reply to Re: Must do well in school » Deneb, posted by alexandra_k on August 14, 2005, at 21:41:24
> I know its scairey...
> But please give her a call...You're right Alexandra, I should call her because I want to do everything I can to make sure I do well this school year. If she cannot see me anymore maybe she will refer me to someone else who can. Maybe she can only see students for a certain amount of time? There has to be turnover because there are new students coming in every year and she can't just take on more and more students. I have a feeling she has seen me for much longer than the typical student.
Maybe I should go check out the student counselling centre again. Everyone there must have forgotten about me by now, it should be safe to go back and get a fresh start again. The first time I want there I saw a counsellor in training. She taped our sessions to learn from them or something. It didn't work out and I ended up quiting after a few times. Then things got bad and I went back...this time I saw someone with a lot of experience...it worked well for much longer before I quit and decided to see my p-doc only.
I think maybe I'm a difficult case...
I think my p-doc is very talented to be able to work with me for so long.
Hmmm...while I'm at the counselling centre, maybe I'll take this test they have to find out what career path is best for me. This test is usually very expensive, but it is only $15 for full time students. I should take advantage of this. I've taken it before but then I got so anxious that I missed the test analysis session. I think maybe my answers may have been inaccurate...I was starting to get really messed up and I took the test only to get myself enough courage to actually step into the counselling centre.
I have to start interacting with other students and with my profs if I want to do well. I wasn't socially anxious today, maybe I won't be socially anxious anymore. If I surround myself with people who are studying what I'm studying, I think I will do better.
Deneb
P.S. After writing this post I decided that now is a good a time as any to call my p-doc's office! I called and left a message and hopefully they will call me back tomorrow morning. Yay, I called and I wasn't anxious at all! I didn't stumble at all.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 15, 2005, at 0:25:30
In reply to Re: Must do well in school » alexandra_k, posted by Deneb on August 14, 2005, at 22:53:06
And tomorrow... I'm going to take my own advice and phone up community mental health about getting a p-doc ;-) I'd phone now - but its after hours, so it will have to be tomorrow.
I'm so proud of you :-)
It is a really terrific step towards looking after yourself by preparing for those bad times. It shows how much you really want things to go well this time :-)
And I'm sure you will do great with a little help.With respect to whether you can keep seeing her or whether she will refer you on... Wait and see what she says. It sounds like you get on great with her. Don't be afraid to tell her that you would like to keep working with her (if you want that). Really. Mostly they are really flattered when they know you want to see 'em and you find benefit to it and want to keep seeing 'em. Really, don't hold off saying that because of her schedule. If she has to refer you on then she will still most probably be flattered that you liked her.
In my experience... The quality of councelling services can be a bit variable. It would be terrific if you could see someone who is interested in / knowledgable in DBT though. I think your observation that you need some concrete suggestions rather than a general chat was right on the ball. Hopefully your p-doc will be able to refer you on to someone suitable if she is unable to keep working with you herself.
>Then things got bad and I went back...this time I saw someone with a lot of experience...it worked well for much longer before I quit and decided to see my p-doc only.
Do you remember why you quit?
Would that same person be an option again, or do you think there may have been a personality conflict (LOL!) or something???
> I think maybe I'm a difficult case...Challenging dear, and would you really want to be anything else???
;-)> I think my p-doc is very talented to be able to work with me for so long.
:-)
> I have to start interacting with other students and with my profs if I want to do well. I wasn't socially anxious today, maybe I won't be socially anxious anymore. If I surround myself with people who are studying what I'm studying, I think I will do better.
Yeah, I think you are probably right. I still get bouts of social anxiety sometimes... But mostly I do much better. I'm sure you will get heaps better over time :-)
> P.S. After writing this post I decided that now is a good a time as any to call my p-doc's office! I called and left a message and hopefully they will call me back tomorrow morning. Yay, I called and I wasn't anxious at all! I didn't stumble at all.
:-)
I'm really proud of you.
Posted by Deneb on August 15, 2005, at 8:42:34
In reply to Re: YAY!!! » Deneb, posted by alexandra_k on August 15, 2005, at 0:25:30
I was in a deep sleep when they phoned me back...cranky from the transition to wakefulness.
I must have sounded like a complete idiot, all confused and asking for repetitions.
Anyways, I'm not sure how seeing my p-doc is going to help me with school because I won't be seeing her until January the 30th! Geez, she's busy! I think my best bet is the student counselling centre, but I'm not sure that will be of any help to me. I think I'll be OK. I don't really have any issues to sort out or anything.
Deneb
Posted by alexandra_k on August 20, 2005, at 0:01:05
In reply to Re: YAY? » alexandra_k, posted by Deneb on August 15, 2005, at 8:42:34
> Anyways, I'm not sure how seeing my p-doc is going to help me with school because I won't be seeing her until January the 30th! Geez, she's busy!
yeah... still. something to look foward to, i guess...
>I think my best bet is the student counselling centre,
it might be worth trying to get into see them. especially if they can see you before jan.
>but I'm not sure that will be of any help to me. I think I'll be OK. I don't really have any issues to sort out or anything.
yeah but...
it might be worth trying to get into see them.
especially if they can see you before jan.you never know...
they could turn out to be really good.
This is the end of the thread.
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