Posted by caraher on August 11, 2005, at 20:38:14 [reposted on August 12, 2005, at 8:45:26 | original URL]
In reply to Re: Must do well in school » justyourlaugh, posted by Deneb on August 11, 2005, at 19:23:12
> All my parents want is for me and my sister to be successful and happy. I cannot let them down. I must do well in school, get a really good job and support my parents for the rest of their lives...it is what I must do.
>
> In the Chinese culture, family is everything...one does not abandon family, ever. One is never truly independent.I'm starting to understand a little better your obsession with "I have to do well in school." This reminds me of one of my ex-roommates, of Chinese heritage, who was a pre-med from the moment he arrived in college. Getting into med school was his all-consuming obsession. He rigged up a light in the closet so he could study while we were sleeping without the light disturbing anyone. He brought organic chemistry study cards to basketball games.
He also changed majors about twice a semester. (No exaggeration! I think he wound up with a "general studies" degree because he changed too many times to accumulate enough credits in a major.)
He made it into med school (where he changed specialties many times; he went in resolved to be a GP or pediatrician and wound up in anesthesiology). It was a big struggle; he came close to failing out once.
He married, had a daughter, and went into private practice. Then decided he really wanted to do opthamology. Back to school! Somewhere along the way he got divorced...
Several years ago we were talking and he said, "You know what? I should have been an engineer." He added that he only just figured out that he only went into medicine because of parental pressure - he realized this at age 38 or so.
I guess what I want to tell you is that there are many ways to have a successful career and take care of your parents. You know you have a firm commitment to them in your heart, and will fulfill your obligations toward them to the extent that you can. That's very admirable! But the most direct route to being in a position to help them is to know yourself and find the best match for your talents and passions. Certainly employability is important. But I think you are placing far too much pressure on yourself, worrying about your parents and their sacrifices, to make wise decisions.
I'm not sure what you're looking for in a mentor, but feel free to babblemail me if you want to talk about school and beyond some more. I'm a university physics teacher and would like to help. Actually, the word "mentor" is kind of triggering for me, because I don't feel like anyone ever played that role for me. And that's a big part of why I'd be happy to give whatever advice I can to you.
Good luck! And remember, Deneb, you *are* a star. Star's don't worry, they simply shine! :)
poster:caraher
thread:540585
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/studs/20050329/msgs/540595.html