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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Christ_empowered on October 11, 2011, at 14:51:19
I feel like such a mental patient. Unemployed; filing for disability; living off my parents for the time being. Today my pdoc mentioned clozapine. Yes, clozapine: the weight-gaining, seizure-inducing medication of last resort. I really don't think I'm that bad off. I'd rather deal with my residual (and rather mild) hallucinations than turn to that stuff, thank you very much.
It just sucks. First I get hospitalized and told that its a mood disorder, I just "want to be bipolar", blah blah blah. Biggest waste of my insurance company and parents' money imaginable. Then I have to deal with d-bag "professionals" talking about me. Now, I have to deal with my problems and clozapine is coming up in the discussion. WTF?
Sometimes I hate psychiatry...
Posted by Phillipa on October 11, 2011, at 17:51:33
In reply to Mental Patient Blues, posted by Christ_empowered on October 11, 2011, at 14:51:19
CE don't look at it that way. When I worked in psych was a new med and I watched it perform miracles on many patients. Where they couldn't hold jobs or live alone they now could. What is the rationale for using Clozapine? For bipolar? Is that off-label as used to be only for schizophrenia? Love Phillipa
Posted by Christ_empowered on October 12, 2011, at 0:20:15
In reply to Re: Mental Patient Blues » Christ_empowered, posted by Phillipa on October 11, 2011, at 17:51:33
I don't know what my diagnosis is anymore, honestly. If I had to guess, I'd say schizoaffective, manic type. I'm on 200 Lamictal and 15 Abilify. To be fair, she didn't *push* the clozapine, she just mentioned it and also said that a bunch of new medications had recently come out that we could try.
It just sucks. A lot (most, actually) of the voices I hear are related to having been an outcast, having people (including "professionals") talk about me and spread rumors for years. Then the mistreatment I endured as a patient...
When she mentioned clozapine, I got scared. I asked her if I could just stick with my the voices as they are and try to pick up the slack with therapy. Honestly, I was hoping for an antidepressant. When I was on Celexa, the voices went away for a while and I felt better. Now that I'm on a lower dose of the Abilify, I thought I could take Celexa or something like it w/o feeling too drugged up or tranquilized. No such luck. She said antidepressants can make voices worse, so its either abilify+lamictal or some other antipsychotic (I hope to God not clozapine) plus lamictal.
I'm not "treatment-resistant" is the thing. I have lingering auditory hallucinations because of all the stress I've endured. Its not as if everything was going a-OK and then one day I started hearing voices. These voices occur for a reason, and shrinks are a big part of the problem.
Sorry to vent and ramble. I'm just frustrated.
Posted by Phillipa on October 12, 2011, at 10:22:41
In reply to Re: Mental Patient Blues, posted by Christ_empowered on October 12, 2011, at 0:20:15
Don't some people learn to live with voices and ignore them if possible? Do they argue in your head? Are they silent to you? can you ignore them? I don't blame you for wanting to not take the meds. The stuggles you endured were real for sure. Are circumstances getting better? What happened to the house your parents purchased? Still planning on moving into the apartment? Love Phillipa
Posted by Christ_empowered on October 12, 2011, at 10:32:35
In reply to Re: Mental Patient Blues » Christ_empowered, posted by Phillipa on October 12, 2011, at 10:22:41
hey, Phillipa. Sorry to sound so angry and despondent in my other posts. Things are going well. I'm living the apartment that my parents bought. The house will be rented out soon through a property management company.
Things have gotten better. I saw one of the shrinks who used to talk about me on the street in a nearby city about a year ago. He tried to stare me down. I stared back and he looked away. He later got a subpoena for my records from the medical board in my state, so I think maybe he got the message not to mess with me anymore. Here's hoping, anyway. The other shrink I was having a problem with seems to have retired or..something. His picture is no longer on the website for the facility where I was "treated" several years back, and I haven't seen him around.
My new shrink is good, except for the whole clozapine thing, which freaked me out. The voices are intensified by social isolation. I need to get out more, but its hard, you know? I mean, I dread that question: what do you do? And then I'll say...nothing. I'm unemployed. On the plus side, I've got the ball rolling with disability. I'll probably get denied the first time around, but I guess maybe after an appeal things will change.
I'm trying to learn how to ignore the voices. Its harder to ignore them when I'm alone. When I'm with people, its distracting, but ignoring them is do-able.
Thanks for your replies.
Posted by Angela2 on October 12, 2011, at 14:20:44
In reply to Re: Mental Patient Blues, posted by Christ_empowered on October 12, 2011, at 0:20:15
(((((Christ-Empowered)))))
I know what you mean. I have also seen my fair share of shrinks and psychologists who just were not for me. I personally think that having a good relationship with your mental health provider is crucial to getting better.
As far as lessening the voices / getting out more, I so understand how "What do you do?" can be a dreaded question. It's definitely not my favorite question. Especially when I didn't have a job. Maybe think of something to say ahead of time, like, I'm between jobs. And remember that the world isn't focusing on you. Plus, a lot of people are in that boat now, with the economy the way it is.
Lastly, are there any mental health organizations in your area? If so, they my provide a more comfortable way for you to get out of the house. Good luck, you can do it.
Posted by Phillipa on October 12, 2011, at 19:23:41
In reply to Re: Mental Patient Blues, posted by Christ_empowered on October 12, 2011, at 10:32:35
CE you didn't sound angry just upset. Yes getting out helps. I do understand isolation and voices. I don't know if like here but no support groups unless the doc you use has them. Those would be good I feel. Glad you are in the apartment. Hope the people who get the house are people you can converse with. Phillipa
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