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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lifeiswhat on April 1, 2011, at 4:24:15
I got married very young had a son worked on an off had a daughter after i had her i wanted more for my family i started working alot! 100 to 120 hours every 2 weeks as a grave yard caregiver at a nursing home for alzhimers stage 1 to 4. My husband was the main caregiver for the kids he became very posesive and controling he would time me and if i was late he would be very mean he never hit me but he would be mean to the children he wouldnt bath them or feed them properly i would fight with him every day he would leave as soon as got home so i couldnt sleep. I didnt know what to do i just kept pushing on trying to over come everything thinking that things would get better with time it didnt. One night we had been argueing i dont even remember why now but we went out to get food then went home i didnt eat right away i layed down he layed beside me. I remember the baby crying he got up and very soon after the baby was silent i didnt know what had happend he went out of the room i turned over to see a pillow over my 6 month old daughters head she face down i went over to her i checked her and everything seemed fine i thought about yelling at him but i was very tired and like i said we fought alot. So i ate a little and went to sleep later my husband came in the room and woke me up told me something was wrong with the baby she was very limp and her eyes were rolled in the back of her head i called 911 she passed away the next day. They determined it to be by suffication 3 months later. Cps removed my son i didnt even think about the pillow at first at the hospital you know my head was just spinning. They did not arrest my husband when i made him go to the police station and confess about the pillow i told him i did not want him in my house he said he was going to leave the country i didnt care the police took to long. I told the police he was going to leave they new he was not a citizen of this country at that time and they did not tell him not to leave! I took him to the gray hound station and said goodbye about a month later they put out a warrent and then they wanted to act like everything was my fault they questioned me so many times and i took a lie detector they told me i failed but would let me see it or tell me what questions i failed they were talking to my family and turned them all againts me my husband has not been caught i dont think theyll ever find him i live with all of this every day i have so many regrets i know i should have been a more protective mother but how do you not trust the one you have commited to spend the rest of your life with the father of your children the one person that youve been with for 5 years. I can never have children again they will take them i am young and my whole life is over my whole family is gone. how to you just wake up one day with everyone you ever cared about gone.
Posted by floatingbridge on April 1, 2011, at 11:53:57
In reply to My daughter passed away, posted by Lifeiswhat on April 1, 2011, at 4:24:15
Hey, when did they take your son? How long ago. Others know more here, but you should be able to get him back. Get someone to help you fight. Cps makes mistakes esp when sweeping into a situation.
Get some legal help.
I am very sorry about your baby girl. Listen. I personally know two seperate dads who hurt their kids. One with a pillow, too. Another, on-going sexual abuse. I knew both dads--they can go to h*ll for all I care because they lied to save their skins rather than admit and help child repair. That's where I draw a big line.
My point is, I didn't know, and though I might not have cared for the dad's, we were civil acting 'friends'. The mom's involved had no idea. We had no idea.
Hard as that seems, they deal with the blame and have some support from therapists, s workers, friends, that we can't see these things happening all the time. We can't.
I can see it all in retrospect. I can also see my denial, that I did not want to see how wrong things were. Who does?
Please, be kind to yourself. Remeber your son still needs you. Write more and let us know what's happening with you. Ask advice here. Lots have dealt with cps
here. Knowledge is power. Get your son back.My heart is going out to you right now and a firm handholding, too. Please don't go through this alone. There are many parents like you who have made it through this and can help you grieve your daughter and reunite you with your son. Young means you have time.
Much love,
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Posted by Phillipa on April 1, 2011, at 12:52:28
In reply to My daughter passed away, posted by Lifeiswhat on April 1, 2011, at 4:24:15
Did you have or get a lawyer. Don't personally like the sound of this. Phillipa
Posted by hyperfocus on April 1, 2011, at 19:13:05
In reply to My daughter passed away, posted by Lifeiswhat on April 1, 2011, at 4:24:15
I'm really sorry you have to go through this tragedy. I can tell from the 2nd sentence you wrote that you are a very caring, loving person. I don't have children so I can't imagine what it must feel like to lose a child, especially under these circumstances. But what I can say is that it's not always how caring or loving or trusting we are. We can't control what other people do. We can't stop other people from doing bad things and breaking our trust. What happened here is not your fault.
And you shouldn't think that because you're suffering like this that you're a bad person. It's because you're a good person that this is hurting so much. It might be easier for somebody else to let this go - your husband seemed to find it easy enough. But if you hang around this place long enough or just get to a certain age you're going realize that in life it's the good, caring loving, trusting people who seem to suffer the most.
I believe you will one day get back what you lost. You're still young and you will cross this trying time of your life.
Posted by Phillipa on April 2, 2011, at 12:35:13
In reply to My daughter passed away, posted by Lifeiswhat on April 1, 2011, at 4:24:15
Hi did you disappear? Thought you would respond to messages. You didn't mention your age thoughts early 20's. Didn't mention if on any meds or if received theraphy. And age of Son. More infor needed. Can't really try to offer advise without more information. Written in a kind way. Phillipa
Posted by floatingbridge on April 2, 2011, at 16:32:28
In reply to Re: My daughter passed away » Lifeiswhat, posted by floatingbridge on April 1, 2011, at 11:53:57
I wanted to clarify my previous post.
Both of the kids I know are doing very well despite the abuse. In both cases the abusing parent is out of their lives by court orders. Obtaining those court orders was not an easy process and required signifcant courage and intent.
Both mom and kids participate in good,
successful therapy which the children welcome. Kids are awesome in their resilience, esp when they get suitable help. And the adoring love they experience with or for their therapists is warming and really beautiful.My point was that sometimes one parent
is slow or late to catch abuse in time for various reasons. If so, the parent needs to keep moving and advocate for their children AND themselves to achieve a good outcome. Neither mom I know could afford to remain mired in guilt--they suffered secondary trauma by discovering the abuse--but for their kids' sake they work on this in their own therapies.Best to all the kids out there, grown and growing. Best wishes to the young parents, the challenged parents....
Posted by lifeiswhat on April 3, 2011, at 3:11:32
In reply to Re: My daughter passed away » Lifeiswhat, posted by floatingbridge on April 1, 2011, at 11:53:57
My daughter went into the hospital on November 22, 2007 they took my son that day. Fighting was very hard this happened in a very small town called Hoquiam in Washington state, newspapers sent out stories and it was on the news I could not get a job and not very many people were on my side the newpapers made up alot of lies. I have the all of documents that were made by cps I have going throught them it is alot of papers I am on page 219 and there are like 2000 pages I am thinking about getting a lawyer to go over them but im not sure what they can do after all this time.
Posted by lifeiswhat on April 3, 2011, at 3:20:28
In reply to Re: My daughter passed away » Lifeiswhat, posted by Phillipa on April 1, 2011, at 12:52:28
No I did not get a lawyer I should have one but I did not. I was not charged with anything I think there waiting until my exhusband gets caught but its been years now im not sure there ever going to catch him.
Posted by floatingbridge on April 3, 2011, at 16:40:43
In reply to Re: My daughter passed away, posted by lifeiswhat on April 3, 2011, at 3:20:28
Hey there, I'm sorry. This sounds really rough, and I haven't been through anything like you have. I do know sh*t really happens to people, to you, your daughter, your son.
Could you find an advocate in a larger city? Through a women's program, maybe pro bono.
You need help. To get through the sea of papers, for counseling and therapy, for going to court, to helping you decide what you want to do to move forward--.
If you decide you want your son back, I might be naive, but unless you signed some adoption papers, I think you could reunite with him. I'm sorry I don't know.
I imagine you'll need to steel yourself to face down lots of assumptions people have made about you w/o even knowing you. That takes support of variuos kinds. I know you can find it. It might be a rough ride, but you've been through hell once and survived. You can do it if you keep your wits and lfind real alliances.
Welcome to babble. God bless you and keep writing.
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Posted by Phillipa on April 3, 2011, at 19:45:51
In reply to Re: My daughter passed away » lifeiswhat, posted by floatingbridge on April 3, 2011, at 16:40:43
I'm sorry the media treated you so poorly. 2000 pages of papers someone definitely needs to sort through them for you. I'm assuming your Son is in Foster Care? When your Daughter arrived at the hospital I'm sure you were questioned. And also sure you were in shock. Any idea what you said? So your husband if running free so to speak. Yes keep posting. And are you working now? Have you had any sort of help? What have you been doing with your life? Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on April 3, 2011, at 19:47:16
In reply to Re: My daughter passed away, posted by lifeiswhat on April 3, 2011, at 3:11:32
Seriously just reread and that is why you do need a lawyer!!! Phillipa
Posted by mixdup on April 5, 2011, at 21:29:29
In reply to My daughter passed away, posted by Lifeiswhat on April 1, 2011, at 4:24:15
Hi there I am so sorry for your loss I cannot imagine what your going through. I do have a suggustion you may want to check with legal aide in your area or a large surrounding city and also maybe a guardian ad litem. I believe that is how you spell it.
I hope you and your son are reunited soon also you may want to see if you might be able to get a Public defender through a family court.
Hope I may have in some small way helped and my thoughts are with you and your son for a positive outcome. Mixdup
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