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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dori on December 20, 2010, at 23:17:56
I'm new to this, apparently this seems a good site to come vent, and get some sort of advice or coments...
My father died last Sept. of Melanoma to his lungs, kidneys, liver, and most importantly his brain. I got to witness his brain downgrading for a whole year before he died. Since we were informed there was no hope, my brother and I were ok with letting him go when things got almost comatose. However my father did not want anything on our concious, he wanted us to believe that we did the best we could. When your cancer is stage 4 and you are brain dead, that's it! My mother disagreed, kept him till he was in feeding tube, catheder for urine, and another tube for the feces. He was also on artificial lung. He had put her in charge. It was hell to watch him deteriorate that way!
To top it off, my mother is a jehova's witness (jw's), (no offence, but this is my story and the extent of conservitiveism that my family took this religion really damaged my brother and I). Even though my father never turned to religion, kept himself agnostic and opinionless, my mom bombarded him with visits from jw's and as he was dying guilted him into saying he had joined. His funeral was not filled with family, but with members of my mother's congregation. I didn't have anyone to console me, or my brother. There was nothing to remind us of who my father was. Everything was just filled with my mother's fantasy and obssession with this religion. She forced me and my brother through fear, guilt, and coersion to stay in that religion, we left when we became adults.
After the funeral pandora's box was opened, and it was said that I may not be my father's daughter, but my uncle's, (my father's brother). My mother confessed that they got close to having sex but that they didn't go all the way through with it. (Note, me and my brother are 10yrs apart, and she had me 1yr after they got to the US from cuba, they didn't even have a home yet! How am I supposed to believe I was not a mistake?)
It's only been a year since his death, my mother has already fornicated, and is with another man, that is not a JW. After all the years growing up listening to her complain about my father, and how he was worldly she goes and does this! What's worse, I called her crying after a terrifying dr.'s exam that I made the mistake of going to alone, and she pretty much ignores my conversation to say "Im marrying Fernando, he's going to be your second father, but he doesn't want to come visit"! I tell her that's disrespectful, and that I don't want her "love" buddy anywhere near my house. She pretends not to understand, going into further details about how he's handsome, tall and he has hair (my dad was short and bald), she mentioned that she had already slept with the man out of wedlock. I continued to thell her to shut up, that she is being insulting to me. And she said that My dad came to her thoughts saying that she should stay with this man! I told her to learn some respect and hung up the phone.
I think this is pretty much the last straw. She is my mother, but this is insanity, should I just break it off with her completely? Am I over reacting?
Thank you for reading, and letting me express my self.
Posted by Maxime on December 21, 2010, at 0:02:50
In reply to My father's Death, and My Mother's back stabbing., posted by Dori on December 20, 2010, at 23:17:56
Welcome to Psycho Babble. I am very sorry about the loss of your father.
Despite what your mother has done, I don't think this is the time of year to right her off. This time of year is about peace and forgiveness. I am sure it will take you a long time to forgive your mom, but maybe you could take baby steps. You have already lost your father. Despite what she has done, I don't think you want to lose your mother as well.
Peace.
Posted by obsidian on December 21, 2010, at 23:11:01
In reply to My father's Death, and My Mother's back stabbing., posted by Dori on December 20, 2010, at 23:17:56
If it were me, I'd treat her as a very limited person. By this I mean (from your description) someone who is unable to consider the needs of another apart from her own needs.
I would protect myself in my interactions with her, and understand that her behaviors serve some sort of function for her, independent perhaps of what she claims they are about.
I wish I could express this more clearly...my own mother can be quite difficult to deal with.I am very sorry for your loss.
Posted by Dori on December 23, 2010, at 23:40:26
In reply to Re: My father's Death, and My Mother's back stabbing. » Dori, posted by obsidian on December 21, 2010, at 23:11:01
Thank you Obsidian. That makes a lot of sense,
I just wish I could open up to her and have her understand me, with out her hurting me or reverting to religion instead of listening. Just have to accept the fact that this is how she is, and deal with it. It's difficult when one has an idealised view of what a mother should be like.Thanks again for your advice.
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