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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on September 4, 2009, at 1:08:52
I got some news yesterday that my brother's wife's brother's wife killed herself with a gun in the family bathroom. Left a horrific mess that completely traumatized her mother-in-law who was unlucky enough to be first on the scene. They had to call in a crime scene cleanup group, it was so bad.
I did not know her, but my brother knew her pretty well. She was 40 and left behind a husband and four children aged nine to fifteen.
I feel mostly hard and angry toward her. What a waste! What an awful legacy for her children to live with the rest of their lives.
She left a note stating her reason was that she didn't want her family to have to take care of her. Her own mother was bipolar and she was afraid she'd end up the same way. I didn't quite understand the details here. I asked, didn't she have health care? She did, but I'm not clear if she was getting mental health care. I know treatment is far from perfect, but I can't help thinking it's plain ignorance and stigma and medical incompetence that's the big roadblock to living with bipolar for a lot of people.
My brother was shaken up as it brought back our mother's loss for him. Makes me glad she at least didn't use a gun.
It just seems so very selfish. Who was she to decide her children were better off with what she did than with "having to take care of her"? I can't imagine if my mother had done it when I was nine instead of thirty-five. I don't think I would have survived.
The only bright spot is it gave me a chance to talk to my brother about staying on his meds. I think he's finally accepted he needs ADs for life, like I do. But then I think he's said it before. I hope he means it now.
I'm too angry to even be sad for this poor woman right now. I hate that I'm even giving her act more attention, and passing on the disturbing tale to others. Yet somehow I want to share it with someone.
Posted by Phillipa on September 4, 2009, at 10:46:21
In reply to A very bad thing (possible trigger, violence), posted by Tabitha on September 4, 2009, at 1:08:52
I'm sorry for all involved. She must have been very desparate and really who knows what another is thinking? I understand you're mixed emotions. Good that you wrote them here. Phillipa
Posted by Tabitha on September 4, 2009, at 12:01:21
In reply to Re: A very bad thing (possible trigger, violence) » Tabitha, posted by Phillipa on September 4, 2009, at 10:46:21
thanks, Phillipa.
Posted by Kath on September 4, 2009, at 17:58:19
In reply to A very bad thing (possible trigger, violence), posted by Tabitha on September 4, 2009, at 1:08:52
I am so sorry that this happened.
Of course you need to 'debrief'. It's awful to have stuff inside ourselves & not be able to tell others.
I'm glad you were able to tell it here.
This must be a huge trigger for YOU. (((you)))
I don't know what to say. I understand your very strong feelings.
With mental illness, I think our thinking can get all mixed up. How tragic that her family will how suffer for the rest of their lives - especially the children.
Please take care of yourself. Where I live, (Ontario, Canada) there is an organization that does free grief counselling. If there's something like that in your area there might be some kind of support for you. It wouldn't surprise me if this brings up feelings from your past - even a different level of feelings from what you may already have dealt with. It's be good if you had some professional support at this time.
love, Kath
Posted by Tabitha on September 5, 2009, at 3:31:17
In reply to Definite ****trigger*** » Tabitha, posted by Kath on September 4, 2009, at 17:58:19
> I am so sorry that this happened.
Thanks, Kath. And thanks for adjusting my subject line.
> With mental illness, I think our thinking can get all mixed up.
Yes, that's it. That's my usual explanation when someone suicides-- I just know their thinking was mixed up at the time, and they probably endured a lot of suffering for a long time. I'm able to forgive. This one just triggered more anger than usual. The age range of the children is about as bad as it cold be for losing their mother.
>
> Please take care of yourself. Where I live, (Ontario, Canada) there is an organization that does free grief counselling. If there's something like that in your area there might be some kind of support for you. It wouldn't surprise me if this brings up feelings from your past - even a different level of feelings from what you may already have dealt with. It's be good if you had some professional support at this time.
>I do have a therapist I see weekly. Now you've made me curious whether there might be some kind of loss support groups around here.
Posted by Dinah on September 5, 2009, at 10:21:17
In reply to A very bad thing (possible trigger, violence), posted by Tabitha on September 4, 2009, at 1:08:52
I understand the anger, Tabitha. The most charitable thing I can say is that she probably wasn't thinking rationally or clearly enough to consider the pain this would cause her family.
I can't imagine the pain this will cause her family. The loss of their mother, the fact that the bathroom will be a permanent reminder, the pain she caused whoever found her.
And it ripples in circles out from her immediate family.
I do hope that this will be a tangible reminder to your brother about why medications are so important. And a reminder to anyone who suffers from suicidal thoughts that acting on those thoughts will cause the people we care about so much pain.
I'm so sorry, Tabitha.
Posted by Kath on September 17, 2009, at 19:24:56
In reply to Re: Definite ****trigger*** » Kath, posted by Tabitha on September 5, 2009, at 3:31:17
How are you doing?
I hope you're okay.
xo Kath
This is the end of the thread.
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