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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Cass on August 30, 2006, at 13:15:09
I'm an old-timer here, but I hardly ever post anymore. I'm posting now because I've had a few rough weeks of depression and anxiety, and I've been having nightmares every night -- nightmares about being lost or being in danger. I have these dreams right before I wake up, and it starts the day off all wrong. I also had an argument with my husband this morning. He made an off-handed criticism about my weight and denied it. We were talking about something I was going to wear under my clothes, and he said it would only show through if my shirt was skin tight. I said most of my shirts are skin tight, and he said, "Oh, how did that happen?" Later he admitted it was a comment about my weight, and he apologized, but he didn't seem very sincere. I think he just wanted us back on speaking terms. Things weren't resolved, and there's still tension between us. I know I didn't handle it as well as I could have because I'm very sensitive right now. I couldn't stomach his dishonesty when he denied the insult. It was clear he was criticizing me. I know he used to make off-handed insults to his ex-wife, and he admits that it broke up their marriage. He has been careful not to make that mistake again, yet here he was doing it. I told him, "This is what you did to your ex-wife." He got pretty mad about that and walked away. I probably shouldn't have said that. Maybe it was a low blow, but I was feeling hurt.
Posted by Phillipa on August 30, 2006, at 15:49:24
In reply to Argument with husband, posted by Cass on August 30, 2006, at 13:15:09
Can you phone him and apologize or surprise him with something special? Love Phillipa
Posted by Phil on August 30, 2006, at 17:48:26
In reply to Argument with husband, posted by Cass on August 30, 2006, at 13:15:09
Hey Cass, Good to see you. Just wish you weren't having the dep/anx, bad dreams and off-hand remarks from your husband.
Seems to me you're husband needed a reminder of where his behavior has taken him in the past.
Any resolution has to start with a 'sincere' apology from him.My $.01 (inflation)
Phil
Posted by Phillipa on August 30, 2006, at 18:36:23
In reply to Re: Argument with husband » Cass, posted by Phil on August 30, 2006, at 17:48:26
Guess you are old friends and know the situation. Love Phillipa
Posted by ClearSkies on August 31, 2006, at 9:44:47
In reply to Argument with husband, posted by Cass on August 30, 2006, at 13:15:09
Hello Cass, nice to see your name here, though I'm sorry you aren't feeling well.
I find it really easy to fall right back into past behaviour, even if it never worked! For me it's being sarcastic. Never ever has done me any good, but it comes out when I'm unhappy with myself and not thinking about the people around me.
If I do it and get called on it, I feel guilty and angry with myself. Likely to huff off and smooth my feathers without even acknowledging what I've done. Apologies come later, with downcast eyes in my shame.
Good for you for pointing this out to your husband.
ClearSkies
Posted by Cass on September 1, 2006, at 13:01:16
In reply to Argument with husband, posted by Cass on August 30, 2006, at 13:15:09
Thanks for all your support. My husband and I have talked more, and it seems he's going through a funk, too. He's disappointed in himself lately which is probably why he criticized me, not to excuse it but to explain it. Right now, we're both pretty disatisfied with ourselves. We both find that we feel more critical of others when we're unhappy about our own shortcomings. Today we're doing some housecleaning (literally not figuratively) to try to get a sense of control over our surroundings. We're both disorganized clutterers. Right now our surroundings are oppressive. In any case, we're taking steps in the right direction. Thanks again. It was nice touching bases with you guys. I might stick around for awhile.
Posted by Gabbi~G~ on September 2, 2006, at 22:21:29
In reply to Re: Argument with husband, posted by Cass on September 1, 2006, at 13:01:16
I'm glad he was forthcoming about how he felt.
Isn't it weird how the tension can make you feel almost like strangers around each other?
Then once it's discussed it all seems so reasonable.
This is the end of the thread.
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