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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 15 to 39 of 39. Go back in thread:
Posted by Deneb on June 19, 2006, at 2:35:08
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious » Deneb, posted by Kath on June 15, 2006, at 12:29:06
I'm getting scared again, it's been almost 13 days since I got poked. I still haven't heard anything from them. I don't know if that's a good sign or what. I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow and ask.
Meanwhile I'm thinking of death, dying and whether or not there is an afterlife. I think death is nothingness, that it is like before we were born.
I'm thinking about the nature of time and space, about our universe and it's fate. Yeah, I'm thinking *big*.
I'm trying to comes to terms with death by putting it into the context of cosmology. LOL
I like cosmology. I like thinking about our universe, super string theory, M-theory, quantum mechanical weirdness, the theories of relativity and other mind boggling stuff. (Don't get me to explain them though, I just read about them in popular science books. LOL)
It comforts me to know that we are probably insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I like to think that humans are not special beings.
Anyone else take comfort in these thoughts?
This sort of thinking comforts me, but it isn't all that productive! It basically means that I can do absolutely nothing in this life and be no different than the person who achieved everything...because we are all insignificant.
I like to believe that nothing we do in this life means anything in the grand scheme of things.
LOL I'm sure there's a reason why no religions take these views. Society would cease to function if everyone did nothing or anything they wanted!
Deneb*
Posted by MidnightBlue on June 19, 2006, at 9:41:00
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious, posted by Deneb on June 19, 2006, at 2:35:08
Deneb,
I really DO think you are okay.
> I'm getting scared again, it's been almost 13 days since I got poked. I still haven't heard anything from them. I don't know if that's a good sign or what. I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow and ask.
Honestly, the thought that I'm "not" special and my life has no meaning is NOT a comforting thought to me!
> It comforts me to know that we are probably insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I like to think that humans are not special beings.
>
> Anyone else take comfort in these thoughts?
>
> This sort of thinking comforts me, but it isn't all that productive! It basically means that I can do absolutely nothing in this life and be no different than the person who achieved everything...because we are all insignificant.
>
> I like to believe that nothing we do in this life means anything in the grand scheme of things.Deneb, why don't you get some books on the major religions of the world or even the "bibles" of each and read them? You might find it interesting.
MB
> LOL I'm sure there's a reason why no religions take these views. Society would cease to function if everyone did nothing or anything they wanted!
>
> Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 12:23:24
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious » Deneb, posted by MidnightBlue on June 19, 2006, at 9:41:00
I just read more about breast cancer and suffering is unacceptable to me. I don't want surgery or chemo or anything.
If I have cancer, I'm going to kill myself.
I've thought about death a lot, I think I'm at peace with death.
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 20, 2006, at 12:46:23
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 12:23:24
Hi Deneb*
When is the last time that you called the clinic that's doing your test?If it's been more than 8 hours, I think it's time to call them again. Give them some grief. Keeping you waiting is not cool, you deserve better.
-ll
Posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 12:57:10
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger*, posted by llrrrpp on June 20, 2006, at 12:46:23
I called the surgeon's office yesterday and they said they hadn't received anything yet. The receptionist told me it takes about two weeks for the results to come in. She told me they'll probably be in this week.
I may not have long to live.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 13:22:20
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 12:57:10
I'm freaking out again. I wish I had some Ativan.
I'm freaking out!
Posted by B2chica on June 20, 2006, at 14:00:13
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 13:22:20
Deeeep breaths Deneb.
grab your dr.bob doll and haang tight. i Hate waiting for test results from docs offices. and llrrrpp's right, give them another call again. if nothing else they'll maybe get the hint that you really needing the results as SOOn as they get them. sometimes it even sits on their desks for way too long. hopefully they are responsive to you.just remember, you don't have the results yet. then, once you do you can deal with the results no matter what they are. one day at a time deneb. i know it doen'st make things easier. but we're behind you 100%.
rent a movie that you haven't yet seen 10 times...
a good comedy.
i know, not much for advice...but i just watned to say something.
cares (((((((Deneb))))))))b2c.
Posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 14:51:34
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger* » Deneb, posted by B2chica on June 20, 2006, at 14:00:13
I hate this so much. Every time the phone rings I think it might be my death sentence.
I would really prefer to live, but I'm not sure I can handle the suffering if I have cancer.
I hate this. I want to be in a coma until this nightmare is over.
Can't handle this!
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 20, 2006, at 15:07:23
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 14:51:34
Deneb, time for you to get out of the house for a while. Can you go on a walk? go to a cafe or a bookstore?
go try on some shoes?
distraction is good. almost as good as coma, but much fewer sideeffects.
i you can't go out, wake buttertart up from his afternoon nap and cuddle him a little bit.
Think of Dr. Bob. He would be really sad if you got hurt. He's a doctor, so he knows that cancer is not a death sentence, even if you don't. Think of how he hugged you, and how good it feels to be alive. Think of how many nice people will be sad if Deneb* gets hurt. I would be really sad. I think you're peachy. You're worried, but you can be worried without getting catastrophic, I think. Can you try at least, for me? for Buttertart? He's going to need you, even if you have cancer. He doesn't care. He just needs a loving human :)
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Deneb)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 15:24:37
In reply to Re: I'm still really anxious *trigger*, posted by llrrrpp on June 20, 2006, at 15:07:23
I couldn't stand it, I called them and I got the doctor on the phone immediately. The results were inconclusive. :-( I'm crying as I type this. Inconclusive.
The doctor gave me the choice of doing nothing (because he thinks it's nothing), doing the fine needle aspiration again (which is likely to be inconclusive again), a core needle biopsy (a more invasive biopsy where they nick your skin and use a device that slices out a tube of tissue) or to have the lump removed. He suggested the core needle thing so that's what I'm having done.
I *hate* this soooo much. More waiting. I can't stand this! More painful tests.
I'm going to lose it. I just know I'm going to lose it.
Buttertart is sleeping. I'm so upset right now... I don't want to do this anymore.
Posted by MidnightBlue on June 20, 2006, at 17:18:11
In reply to They got my results back, posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 15:24:37
Deneb,
Take a deep breath. It is okay. It is just going to take a bit longer to PROVE it is okay! FNB's don't always get enough cells. You can do this.
MidnightBlue
> I couldn't stand it, I called them and I got the doctor on the phone immediately. The results were inconclusive. :-( I'm crying as I type this. Inconclusive.
>
> The doctor gave me the choice of doing nothing (because he thinks it's nothing), doing the fine needle aspiration again (which is likely to be inconclusive again), a core needle biopsy (a more invasive biopsy where they nick your skin and use a device that slices out a tube of tissue) or to have the lump removed. He suggested the core needle thing so that's what I'm having done.
>
> I *hate* this soooo much. More waiting. I can't stand this! More painful tests.
>
> I'm going to lose it. I just know I'm going to lose it.
>
> Buttertart is sleeping. I'm so upset right now... I don't want to do this anymore.
>
>
Posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 17:49:44
In reply to Re: They got my results back, posted by MidnightBlue on June 20, 2006, at 17:18:11
My life is on hold right now as I wait to see whether I will live or die.
Oh, and a correction to my previous post. The core needle biopsy uses a thick needle to punch out a core of tissue that's about the thickness of a pencil lead.
It sounds painful. :-(
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 19:25:57
In reply to Re: They got my results back » MidnightBlue, posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 17:49:44
Sorry I'm such a drain. Sorry I'm not supporting others right now.
I think I need to prepare for my death. I'm going to figure out what I'm going to do with the few possessions I have.
Sorry if I seem dramatic, but there's a chance I will kill myself if I have cancer.
I should donate some money to Babble. You guys have been great. I want to give Dr. Bob the pictures I got taken with him. He can remember me.
Buttertart...poor Buttertart, he'll probably have to go to the shelter.
There's got to be more things I have to do, I'll think of them later.
Deneb*
Posted by Dinah on June 20, 2006, at 19:33:46
In reply to Re: They got my results back *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 19:25:57
Deneb, you might think about reconsidering your tapering of Risperdal without checking with your doctor first.
I get dark thoughts from time to time, and Risperdal is very helpful with them.
If your doctor does take you off Risperdal, she might substitute another medication that will similarly help.
Nothing is different today than yesterday. You have exactly the same information.
You just need to decide whether the added assurance is worth the extra test. Since you feel so strongly about it, it likely is. What do you think?
Midnight Blue is right. Inconclusive isn't equivilant to a little bit bad. It just means they for some reason or another were not able to get the material they needed for the test.
If your doctor thought you had cancer, he wouldn't have been as nondirective as he was about getting the second test.
Posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 19:58:27
In reply to Re: They got my results back *trigger* » Deneb, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2006, at 19:33:46
Thanks Dinah, for reassuring me a bit. The doctors do all tell me they think it's not cancer.
What was I thinking? Messing around with meds at such a stressful time. What if they really do help?
Deneb*
Posted by 10derHeart on June 24, 2006, at 23:05:38
In reply to Re: They got my results back » Dinah, posted by Deneb on June 20, 2006, at 19:58:27
What was I thinking? Messing around with meds at such a stressful time. What if they really do help?<<
EXACTLY! You got it! You always do....after a bit :-)
((Deneb)) So sorry this issue isn't put to rest quite yet, but I have to agree with MB and Dinah. No way your doc would take that attitude if he was overly concerned at all. So now you can proceed, one step, one day at a time.
You can do this. You've already done all *sorts* of things I'll bet you never thought you could do/get through, say, a year ago, haven't you?
And this is just another one. You are growing a stronger, wiser young woman, and growing entails so much change, well, it's gotta hurt sometimes
(i.e., there's some degree of suffering) to accomplish it. I think you're doing great with your particular life challenges.KEEP posting. This will pass like the tooth pain, the fear part of the Toronto trip, and other things that you've already conquered.....I *so* have faith in you!
Posted by Deneb on June 25, 2006, at 1:02:24
In reply to Re: They got my results back » Deneb, posted by 10derHeart on June 24, 2006, at 23:05:38
Thanks for believing in me 10derHeart.
I will get through this some way or another.
I just wish it didn't have to involve so much fear.
Deneb*
Posted by 10derHeart on June 25, 2006, at 20:31:45
In reply to Re: Scared » 10derHeart, posted by Deneb on June 25, 2006, at 1:02:24
Posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 11:31:33
In reply to Re: Scared » 10derHeart, posted by Deneb on June 25, 2006, at 1:02:24
I can't get an appointment to get a biopsy! I phone and phone and people say they will get back to me and don't. I might have cancer and they're taking their sweet time. Now the office is closed and I can't try again until Tues. It's been two months now since I first saw the surgeon and I still don't know if I have cancer. :-( Things are going too slowly. What if I have cancer and it's metastatizing? I could die before I even get a diagnosis at this rate.
I don't want to die yet. :-(
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 12:06:05
In reply to Re: I can't get an appointment, posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 11:31:33
I've decided I don't want to die yet!
I'm beginning to think my doctor doesn't care if I live or die! I might have cancer and I can't even get an appointment. They don't care about me. They've forgotten about me even though I keep calling and calling their office.
Meanwhile, I think I found more lumps. I don't know what to do! Soon I won't even have a family doctor because she is going into retirement.
I'm going to slowly die and no one gives a darn! (other than Babblers and my family of course).
Does anyone know what the symptoms of metastasis to the bones are? My back is cracking a lot lately when I lean back on my chair. :-(
Maybe my tremors are caused by a brain tumor.
Scared. :-(
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 30, 2006, at 14:19:21
In reply to Re: I don't want to die yet!, posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 12:06:05
> I've decided I don't want to die yet!
>
Good, I'm fond of you> I'm beginning to think my doctor doesn't care if I live or die! I might have cancer and I can't even get an appointment. They don't care about me. They've forgotten about me even though I keep calling and calling their office.
>
Deneb, they care about you, but they have told you that they don't think that you have cancer. They even did the needle biopsy at your request, because they care about you.> Meanwhile, I think I found more lumps. I don't know what to do! Soon I won't even have a family doctor because she is going into retirement.
>
Lots of women's breasts become lumpier at different points in their cycles. It's important to do breast self-exams in the same way, at the same time, and notice whether a lump or abnormality has been present consistently for at least a month or two.> I'm going to slowly die and no one gives a darn! (other than Babblers and my family of course).
Deneb, if you were dying, your doctor would be treating you more aggresively. They don't want their patients dying. They are people too, and they want their patients to live long happy lives.
> Does anyone know what the symptoms of metastasis to the bones are? My back is cracking a lot lately when I lean back on my chair. :-(
>
Someone in my family had cancer as a young adult s/he was sick for a long time first with swollen glands, (months) then with asthma and flu-like symptoms (several more months) then with extreme fatigue (like, in bed 20 hours a day), nose bleeds, diarrhea, persistent cough, muscle aches and pains, stomach pains, nausea, night sweats, and fever. sh/e had metastasis to the lungs, liver and lymph nodes by the time s/he began treatment. Now s/he has been in remission for 15 years and is leading a normal and productive lifestyle (more productive than me!)> Maybe my tremors are caused by a brain tumor.
>
> Scared. :-(More likely, your tremors are caused by your psych meds. Please talk to your p-doc about your tremors and ask whether they are caused by your meds. Ask if there are alternative meds that might work better. And also talk to your pdoc about your concerns about cancer, and possibly whether hypochondria is a symptom or side effect of a psychological disorder or treatment. I know that this is fairly common in depression for example. It's causing you a lot of pain, worry and suffering, and I hope you can find some relief.
your friend,
-ll
Posted by Deneb on June 30, 2006, at 15:39:34
In reply to Re: I don't want to die yet! » Deneb, posted by llrrrpp on June 30, 2006, at 14:19:21
Thanks for giving me hope llrrrpp. I didn't know someone with metastases could live for 15+ years.
I feel relatively healthy (except right now I feel like puking, I had two Bulldogs, I think maybe my meds and alcohol don't mix).
(Ugh, I just puked and I still feel nauseous)
I'll try to trust my doctors.
Deneb*
Posted by Phillipa on June 30, 2006, at 21:15:56
In reply to Re: I don't want to die yet! » Deneb, posted by llrrrpp on June 30, 2006, at 14:19:21
Deneb you say they have the results back. If you had cancer they would put you on a priority of calls. You would know by now. Love Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on July 11, 2006, at 0:42:38
In reply to Re: I don't want to die yet! » llrrrpp, posted by Phillipa on June 30, 2006, at 21:15:56
I'm going to call again tomorrow. I'm fed up with waiting! It just seems like they don't care if I have cancer. They don't call me back.
I found another lump in the other breast, this lump doesn't move and is bigger, not a good sign. It feels very different from the first lump I found.
I think I'm dying. No one cares. :-( I'm really anxious. I seriously think I'm dying and no one gives a darn. I'm dying! I'm dying!
I'm going to leave a message at the office. I'm going to beg for an appointment. I'm going to cry and beg and talk about how I think I'm dying. I *need* them to give me the biopsy. I *need* the doctor to examine the new lump. I *need* to know whether I have cancer or not.
After my Mom gets off the phone I'm going to call. I'm going to beg and beg and cry and cry. I need to know if I'm dying! I can't wait any longer. I need to know! I'm upset. I'm scared! I don't want to die from cancer.
I just know I have cancer. No one gives a crap. No one believes me because I'm young. By the time it is found out, it will be too late for me. I'm not going to suffer through cancer. I'm going to kill myself when the suffering becomes too great.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on July 11, 2006, at 1:02:01
In reply to Re: I still don't have an appointment yet *trigger, posted by Deneb on July 11, 2006, at 0:42:38
I can't stand this! I'm scared, I'm scared. I believe I have cancer and I'm dying! I don't want to die from cancer. I don't want to die! If I have cancer, I'm going to kill myself.
I can't stand the waiting, the uncertainty. I can't stand it! No one cares. The surgeon doesn't care if I die from cancer. No one believes me because I'm so young. It's going to be too late when it's discovered. Then I'm going to die from breast cancer.
I'm dying! I'm dying! I don't want to die from cancer. I'll kill myself first. I don't want to suffer. I don't want the slightest discomfort. If I feel pain, I'll kill myself. If I get too scared, I'll kill myself. I'm not a brave person. I'm not a fighter. I don't want to fight for my life.
I just wish I weren't so young. There's so much I haven't experienced yet.
Deneb*
This is the end of the thread.
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