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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunny10 on August 2, 2005, at 10:19:58
be yourself.
No gyms (unless you want to be healthy), no cosmetic anything.
If women can't "see" you past what you look like, they are way too shallow to be a good match for you anyway!!!
You need someone as deep and full of love as you are.
Oh, and the hugs thing? It's a matter of some people being able to put their love into their touches- not you not being able to feel it! From what you have told me in the past, you have been involved with some really selfish women. And that type wouldn't know HOW to put love into a hug, so it's not you that's the problem!!!
When you DO find the one who knows how to hug (oh, and kiss, too- that's the "chemistry" part...) hold on tight and never let them go...
Of course, you have to actually get out of the house and meet women to find the right one....
hugs and kisses,
Sunny10
Posted by Damos on August 2, 2005, at 17:12:42
In reply to Damos, posted by sunny10 on August 2, 2005, at 10:19:58
Wow, thank you so much. It's okay, I had my tongue firmly in my cheek when I tacked that onto the post.
Mind you, that having been said, the six-pack has kinda become a keg of late, so a little (lot of) exercise wouldn't go astray. But of course given I can't stand the crowd in gyms might just have to start running again - or something.
If I'm honest, my past troubles are much of my own making. Bad choices combined with no self esteem and issues that did make me less than completely available emotionally. Worse yet consciously (or maybe unconsciously at the time) avoiding those that did try to love me.
As for meeting someone, well I guess that's not gonna happen because regardless of my domestic situation I've given my word and for me it's as simple and as complex as that. I'll just content myself with becoming a gentler kinder Damos and making deeper better connections with people and just loving them as best I can. Who knows, might gather the odd hug or two along the way.
Thank you so much for your friendship and caring Sunny.
Hug and kisses to you too
Damos
Posted by sunny10 on August 3, 2005, at 8:17:12
In reply to Sunny, posted by Damos on August 2, 2005, at 17:12:42
Posted by Damos on August 3, 2005, at 18:07:15
In reply to Re: Given your word??? (nm) » Damos, posted by sunny10 on August 3, 2005, at 8:17:12
Yep, promised I wouldn't leave.
It's a sad tale of the stupid things you in desperate times and dark places. Kinda like what you were saying about helping everyone else while ignoring your own problems.
The woman I live with has chronic progressive MS as I've said before and is slowly and steadily getting worse. To the point now where she basically drags herself around with a walking frame or if out uses a wheelchair or her electric scooter. When we met she was just starting to have trouble with loosing feeling in her hands and I made her some things that helped her hold a pen and a few other things and we kinda just started hanging out. Then she had a bad fall and dislocated her elbow and not having any family called me, and I kinda moved in and looked after her. I guess we became a comfortable habit. She didn't expect what I couldn't give, and I gave what she needed. I just failed to consider me. Then she needed to move out of the apartment she was in (3rd Floor) cause she just couldn't do the stairs anymore so we agreed to buy a house together and because she couldn't work anymore either it was agreed that I would pay all the bills so she could keep her money for medical expenses etc. And because I firmly believed that this was as good as it would ever get for me I promised I would never leave. There was also a more difficult 'Million Dollar Baby' type promise made that I will keep should things come to that.
Having come this far, I'm not sure I really wanted to post any of this. Things were relatively okay until about three years ago when I bottomed out big time (she'd never seen this before). This revealed a lot of things about a lot of things, and I ran to the other side of the country for a week and nearly didn't come back. Basically sat on the beach and cried for a week. That was when I came back got DX'd and on the meds.
I made a promise that I intend to keep, hard as it is. But I have also chosen to work hard on myself and just become a better person. So, as much as I long to love again (or maybe in truth for the first time), the way my value system is set up, entering into a relationship with someone would be a betrayal of sorts if that makes sense. By staying in this house, this relationship, I have the safety and stability I need to allow me to explore me and the other things that I have denied myself for so long.
If it wasn't for my dog (another reason to stay) I often don't know how I'd get through. But I know that as I get more comfortable with me the general atmosphere improves. I made my choice and now I'm living with it. Should she choose to release me from my obligation that would be one thing, but I cannot and will not deliberately engineer or manipulate things in order to achieve a release.
I think that's enough for now.
Posted by sunny10 on August 4, 2005, at 8:11:48
In reply to Re: Given your word??? - Long » sunny10, posted by Damos on August 3, 2005, at 18:07:15
It sounds to me like you promised to be there for her until she dies. To provide a home for her.
It DOESN'T sound like you can't love someone else. Surprisingly enough, the older we get, the more set in our ways we get. You might just find a woman who not only appreciates the fact that you are a man of your word, but also doesn't WANT to live with you, anyway.
Can you at least let yourself feel a little less trapped? And less like you are doomed to be love-less? Part of depression, situational or not, is that we don't see our choices. We think negatively about those things that are most important to us. But you DO have those choices.
It is possible for you to keep your promise AND to find someone to love.
Posted by Tamar on August 4, 2005, at 8:17:42
In reply to Re: Given your word » Damos, posted by sunny10 on August 4, 2005, at 8:11:48
I hope it's all right if I chip in...
> It DOESN'T sound like you can't love someone else. Surprisingly enough, the older we get, the more set in our ways we get. You might just find a woman who not only appreciates the fact that you are a man of your word, but also doesn't WANT to live with you, anyway.
A friend of mine is looking for just that kind of relationship. I'm not trying to fix you up with her, Damos; just mentioning that there are definitely women out there who want love without necessarily wanting to be constantly in the other person's space. Heck, if I weren't married I'd probably be looking for the same thing myself.
Tamar
Posted by Damos on August 4, 2005, at 17:21:10
In reply to Re: Given your word » Damos, posted by sunny10 on August 4, 2005, at 8:11:48
That's exactly what I've done to an extent. I've pushed the boundaries out a little at a time and am not so trapped inside my head anymore. Fortunately as you said I relaise that this was part of the depression. So I'm reclaiming my life little by little.
I'm learning about myself and in the process, how to love others. I guess having openned myslef up to the possiblity of love I've become more able to give it. As I say though my value systems are such there is a clear line drawn in my head that I'm not sure I'd ever be able to cross. Guess I'll never know until the question presents itself.
Just trying not to overthink things at the moment, just take each day and each interraction as they come, and to make conscious choices. I think part of what makes the couple of friendships I've made (IRL) inthe last couple of years so special is the depth of the connections, and the genuine lovingness that is part of them. Who knows what the future holds, but I am confident it will be better.
Thanks Sunny. He's a lucky lad your SO.
Posted by Damos on August 4, 2005, at 17:29:44
In reply to Re: Given your word, posted by Tamar on August 4, 2005, at 8:17:42
Chip away, your chipplets are always warmly welcomed.
Thanks. Yeh I think that's the important thing that's changed. I'm not completely cut off to the possibilty of love now - in whatever form. And though while not actively seeking it, I am much more actively giving it. What's truly wondrous is that this more active giving does actually seem to have had the effect of bringing more love to me. It's rather nice. And that extra love helps me in turn love a little more and be a little braver.
Thanks Tamar
Posted by Tamar on August 4, 2005, at 18:21:31
In reply to Re: Given your word » Tamar, posted by Damos on August 4, 2005, at 17:29:44
> Thanks. Yeh I think that's the important thing that's changed. I'm not completely cut off to the possibilty of love now - in whatever form. And though while not actively seeking it, I am much more actively giving it. What's truly wondrous is that this more active giving does actually seem to have had the effect of bringing more love to me. It's rather nice. And that extra love helps me in turn love a little more and be a little braver.
Well, you certainly give plenty of love here. And I know that people here love you too. I really think it's true that giving love will bring love.
Posted by sunny10 on August 5, 2005, at 8:14:24
In reply to Re: Given your word » Damos, posted by Tamar on August 4, 2005, at 18:21:31
Posted by damos on August 6, 2005, at 20:28:04
In reply to Re: It's Good Karma (nm), posted by sunny10 on August 5, 2005, at 8:14:24
Always wanted a good karma, but my second hand camry'll have to do till i can afford one.
Posted by sunny10 on August 8, 2005, at 10:00:41
In reply to Re: It's Good Karma » sunny10, posted by damos on August 6, 2005, at 20:28:04
same thing goes for my "cheap" jeep...
Posted by Damos on August 8, 2005, at 17:21:31
In reply to Re: very funny » damos, posted by sunny10 on August 8, 2005, at 10:00:41
I've got a cuddly spotty dogma named Sarah too.
Posted by sunny10 on August 9, 2005, at 8:55:01
In reply to Re: very funny » sunny10, posted by Damos on August 8, 2005, at 17:21:31
This is the end of the thread.
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