![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rainbowbrite on July 9, 2005, at 21:16:38
Ive had a huge misunderstanding with someone and I am really hurt by some things that were said to me. My part was an honest mistake but I feel like the person involved thinks that im awful and Im not sure they are even hearing me, anyway I dont know what to do....the more I say the worse things always get. so do I just let it go and allow the person to think the things they are thinking of me when they are clearly incorrect? or do I push it to clear things up and run the risk of making everything worse? Im really really hurt and insulted. Maybe I shouldnt let it bother me. I dont know Im just so confused. and I now know that even the people I thought understood me DON'T at all! Im really starting to feel like a huge sh*t. Its not a great time of the month for me atm so maybe that has a part in it but I feel awful right now.
any suggestions
Thanks alot
Posted by justyourlaugh on July 9, 2005, at 22:20:10
In reply to Misunderstandings...any suggestions?, posted by rainbowbrite on July 9, 2005, at 21:16:38
rain..
if the hurt was from someone you cared for ..let it go..if the person cares for you ..it will rest..
people do not have to understand you.....i am sure you find it difficult to even understand yourself..
Posted by smokeymadison on July 10, 2005, at 1:48:30
In reply to Misunderstandings...any suggestions?, posted by rainbowbrite on July 9, 2005, at 21:16:38
> Ive had a huge misunderstanding with someone and I am really hurt by some things that were said to me. My part was an honest mistake but I feel like the person involved thinks that im awful and Im not sure they are even hearing me, anyway I dont know what to do....the more I say the worse things always get. so do I just let it go and allow the person to think the things they are thinking of me when they are clearly incorrect? or do I push it to clear things up and run the risk of making everything worse? Im really really hurt and insulted. Maybe I shouldnt let it bother me. I dont know Im just so confused. and I now know that even the people I thought understood me DON'T at all! Im really starting to feel like a huge sh*t. Its not a great time of the month for me atm so maybe that has a part in it but I feel awful right now.
>
> any suggestions
>
> Thanks alot
>I am sorry you feel so bad. sometimes i feel like the people closest to me don't understand me at all either, esp my boyfriend.
i have a few suggestions if you do decide to talk to the person again--and i would let some time pass before you try to again. keep the conversation in first person--meaning use "I feel like..." or "I thought..." instead of "You made me feel..." or "You said..." It helps the other person keep from feeling like they are being blamed when you don't intend to blame them for something.
Also, try not to use the words "never, always," etc. b/c if you say to the person, "you never..." or "you always..." first, it can't be true, b/c nobody never/always does or doesn't do something, and second, it will help keep the conversation a conversation and not turn it into an argument.
also, try not to have the conversation in a dark environment or over the phone. misunderstandings happen a lot b/c you can't read the other person's body language.
if you already knew all this, sorry. i know that they are pretty well known tidbits. i just know that they have really helped me get through misunderstandings w/ my boyfriend. for example, he is terrible at talking w/ me over the phone and mistaking what i am saying b/c he relies heavily on body language to understand what i am saying. we don't have nearly so many hang-ups when we are face to face.
i hope you get to feeling better. sometimes it is worth it to try to patch things up with somebody and sometimes it isn't. you have to decide if it is worth it, if it is better to have that person in your life than to not have them in your life.
good luck
SM
Posted by gardenergirl on July 10, 2005, at 9:15:28
In reply to Re: Misunderstandings...any suggestions? » rainbowbrite, posted by smokeymadison on July 10, 2005, at 1:48:30
Posted by rainbowbrite on July 10, 2005, at 22:27:09
In reply to Re: Misunderstandings...any suggestions? » rainbowbrite, posted by smokeymadison on July 10, 2005, at 1:48:30
Thanks you guys that was helpful, im going to wait on it like you have suggested, and it is always helpful getting reminders.
Its just so frustrating when these things happen.
Posted by rainbowbrite on July 10, 2005, at 22:43:59
In reply to Re: Misunderstandings...any suggestions?, posted by rainbowbrite on July 10, 2005, at 22:27:09
Ive never had a problem with confrontation, actually sometimes Im too confrontational and maybe thats the problem. But right now I feel really alone, so alone I cant even explain, I need someone to understand me or to know how I feel right now. im left hanging on one misunderstanding and now I have had a huge fight with someone and i see him all the time, It is just so uncomfortable and I really dont need this right now. And the choice is to keep fighting, but Im too tired or to ignore each other which is sort of stupid. I think i just need to be heard becasue I dont want to talk to my friends about certain things, these being certain things. Right now I need something that I cant find. I want to cry but I cant.
Posted by TamaraJ on July 10, 2005, at 22:57:20
In reply to really feeling alone, posted by rainbowbrite on July 10, 2005, at 22:43:59
I'm sorry that things are a bit difficult right now. It does make us feel lonely when we have misunderstandings with people we have been friendly with, especially when we can't seem to repair the misunderstanding. It hurts. I know it's no comfort to remind yourself that, in time, the wounds usually heal, and people forgive and forget, particularly when you are feeling terrible about the situation right now. But, I guess all I can say is that if you have explained your side of things, apologized (if necessary) and tried to make amends, then now all you can do is step back and give the person time to process what happened. In the meantime, keep yourself busy with other things as best you can, and have a good cry if and when you can.
Oh, and this may sound stupid, but I sometimes send friends cards with a note, not just when there has been a misunderstanding, but also when they are hurting or going through a bad time. And, the nice thing is when one is being sent following a misunderstanding, you can explain things and apologize, but it is less emotional than when it is done face to face.
I hope everything works out. Take care.
Tamara
> Ive never had a problem with confrontation, actually sometimes Im too confrontational and maybe thats the problem. But right now I feel really alone, so alone I cant even explain, I need someone to understand me or to know how I feel right now. im left hanging on one misunderstanding and now I have had a huge fight with someone and i see him all the time, It is just so uncomfortable and I really dont need this right now. And the choice is to keep fighting, but Im too tired or to ignore each other which is sort of stupid. I think i just need to be heard becasue I dont want to talk to my friends about certain things, these being certain things. Right now I need something that I cant find. I want to cry but I cant.
Posted by rainbowbrite on July 10, 2005, at 23:37:22
In reply to Re: really feeling alone » rainbowbrite, posted by TamaraJ on July 10, 2005, at 22:57:20
Thanks Tamara, sometimes just knowing that there are people here helps, Even if not all your friends are. And guys Suck right now! :-(
Posted by gardenergirl on July 10, 2005, at 23:52:45
In reply to Re: really feeling alone » TamaraJ, posted by rainbowbrite on July 10, 2005, at 23:37:22
Posted by Angela2 on July 11, 2005, at 20:26:34
In reply to ((((((((rainbowbrite)))))))) (nm), posted by gardenergirl on July 10, 2005, at 23:52:45
Posted by rainbowbrite on July 11, 2005, at 22:13:58
In reply to Re: ((((((((rainbowbrite)))))))) (nm), posted by Angela2 on July 11, 2005, at 20:26:34
thanks everyone, pms makes everthing so much worse.
Posted by Susan47 on July 11, 2005, at 22:54:36
In reply to Re: ((((((((rainbowbrite)))))))), posted by rainbowbrite on July 11, 2005, at 22:13:58
I hope you're feeling better about this, soon. I know PMS is such a terrible bummer; it's hard to feel good about yourself at that time, and when conflict happens it just feels overwhelmingly bad. I hope you get hugs from supportive people in your life.. seek out those who support you. I know it's hard to do that, too, though. (((Rainbowbrite))) At least we have Babble.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.