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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on February 14, 2005, at 19:48:55
So this is Valentine's Day. Hmm. People everywhere, couples, are getting together. Some will have a hot, romantic bath together by candlelight. Afterwards, they'll go into the warmly glowing bedroom, where music will be softly playing, the massage oil laid out, the lights dim. Rose-coloured, in fact. Yes. Maybe a candle strategically placed for dramatic effect. Hmm. Some couples will have group dinners, drinks, music and talk. My personal fav'.
Some couples will go out for dinner. Someone will ask someone else to marry them. Many proposals of different types will be accepted.
And me? I have to get in my car and drive five miles to get to an incredibly boring class in a filthy disgusting classroom with 17 other women who'd rather be somewhere else.
Life.
It gets ya even before the end.
Posted by Susan47 on February 14, 2005, at 20:08:37
In reply to Whine, might be a trigger about sex but not likely, posted by Susan47 on February 14, 2005, at 19:48:55
Human beings are meant to be in couples. I hate this. I don't know why I didn't meet the right person. To everyone who's with the right person, bless you and be well and keep loving each other.
Posted by Angielala on February 14, 2005, at 20:57:17
In reply to It's Just Not Natural, posted by Susan47 on February 14, 2005, at 20:08:37
Keep this in mind- this day was invented by Hallmark and Whitmans- it's all about money, not so much about love.
> Human beings are meant to be in couples. I hate this. I don't know why I didn't meet the right person. To everyone who's with the right person, bless you and be well and keep loving each other.
Posted by Broken on February 14, 2005, at 22:47:49
In reply to Money is natural, posted by Angielala on February 14, 2005, at 20:57:17
Susan,
I know you've heard it all before, but it can happen, and most likely will. For me personally 10 years ago I was in a pretty horrible marriage, and two years later, I was in the best relationship of my life. I'm still in the same relationship, and it's still the best one of my life. It came out of the blue, and believe it or not, it was on the internet. She approached me, and neither of us really know why. After nearly 4 months of chatting we met in person. Three months later, she was living in my home. 6 months later, we were married. Eight years later, we have two children together, and I have two wonderful stepchildren as well. Never expected it, didn't really want it, was damn sure not looking for it, but there it was and is.I wish you well, and hang in there.
Although today might have been invented for money, it's all what you make of it.
Posted by Susan47 on February 15, 2005, at 0:36:21
In reply to Re: Money is natural, posted by Broken on February 14, 2005, at 22:47:49
Yes it is, dahling, and what a wonderful story. You should see all the stuff I typed out and deleted before I came up with this supportive reply. Mwah, to you, you lucky little devil you. Mwah mwah.
Posted by Susan47 on February 15, 2005, at 1:11:24
In reply to Re: Money is natural, posted by Broken on February 14, 2005, at 22:47:49
Ooops, just so there's no misunderstanding, thank you. I was kidding. Kind of. I'm just not thinking that's ever going to happen for me, and I'm thinking too that that's quite all right, really. Just, it would be nice not to be alone all the time, when it comes to the opposite sex. It would be nice to have companions. That's all.
Posted by Broken on February 15, 2005, at 7:13:18
In reply to Re: Money is natural » Broken, posted by Susan47 on February 15, 2005, at 1:11:24
That post may not have come out the way I intended it to. I apologize if it was more of a trigger than supportive.
I guess what I was trying to say in a long drawn out way, was that even though I'm sure you get tired of all the "it'll happen" replies, it can, and I think it will. You seem like a sweetheart, and I don't think that can go unnoticed forever. It just seems to happen "out of the blue".
Posted by Susan47 on February 15, 2005, at 9:48:38
In reply to Re: Money is natural, posted by Broken on February 15, 2005, at 7:13:18
Thank you for your kind supportive words, Broken. I know you've been through a lot too, and you deserve to have wonderful things in your life. The people you spend your time with is so important. I guess that's why I'm leery of making any more mistakes. I just don't think there's one person for me. But thank you!!
Posted by ed_uk on February 15, 2005, at 11:00:12
In reply to Whine, might be a trigger about sex but not likely, posted by Susan47 on February 14, 2005, at 19:48:55
Hi!
>And me? I have to get in my car and drive five miles to get to an incredibly boring class in a filthy disgusting classroom with 17 other women who'd rather be somewhere else.
I sympathise, I was on my own practically all day while my frieds were wined and dined by their boyfriends!
Ed.
Posted by sunny10 on February 15, 2005, at 12:11:55
In reply to Re: Whine, might be a trigger about sex but not likely, posted by ed_uk on February 15, 2005, at 11:00:12
okay, so you know I have that significant other that , yes, did happen when I stopped trying to find him. (my personal theory is that when we are "looking" we tend not to be our normal selves and thus can never find the person who likes us for who we are... okay, sunny10 lecture over)
I got up yesterday morning, dressed in a red sweater and blue jeans (most days I work in sweats), did my hair, put on perfume and makeup (also hardly ever happens), kissed sweetie on the check goodbye (he puts on that tooth-whitening stuff in the morning, so we never "properly" kiss in the morning) and went to work. No mention of Valentine's Day (I'm laughing inside, do I have to wear a sign?! But I don't really care, so I'm just laughing at us)
He calls from work- apparently one of the guys asked him what we were doing for Valentine's Day and reminded him, prompting his call. He wishes me a Happy Valentine's Day and we discuss whether we'll be having the leftover vegetable stromboli or the thawed chicken for dinner. I say "see ya later" and he says that he didn't get me anything "remember, you said you didn't want anything" he says(I had asked him not to buy me roses with my own credit card like my ex-husband did; to him that translated as "I don't want anything"). I, too think of it as a Hallmark Holiday, so I'm just shaking my head and laughing.
I stop at the grocery store on the way home to buy smokes and I pick up some lucky bamboo bunches (one for SO, one for son) and a couple of lottery tickets (which I don't usually buy), walk in the house, wish him a happy valentine's day, and tell him not to forget that if the tickets win we will split the money. This is while he's lifting weights, as usual.
We make dinner, clean up, and watch romantic comedies on Lifetime channel. He falls asleep while I watch the second one. At the end of the movie, I shut off the tv and go to sleep.
And that's a real Happy Valentine's day !!!
(mwah)
Posted by Toph on February 15, 2005, at 13:25:40
In reply to Re: reality check, Susan-mine, posted by sunny10 on February 15, 2005, at 12:11:55
Cracked me up sunny. All you need is a laugh-track, and you've got a new sit-com on your hands. How's, "Look at the Sunny Side" or "Sunny Side Up" or "Partly Sunny" or "Sunny ansd Cher" (I heard she's available)?
Toph
Posted by sunny10 on February 15, 2005, at 14:00:29
In reply to Re: Susan-mine » sunny10, posted by Toph on February 15, 2005, at 13:25:40
"married with children", or "Ned and Stacey", or the "Honeymooners".....
take your pick...
Posted by Susan47 on February 15, 2005, at 16:58:27
In reply to Re: they already did » Toph, posted by sunny10 on February 15, 2005, at 14:00:29
See, now, that's not what I want. I know what you're saying, and I've had it and it's good, there's nothing wrong with it, I used to say exactly what you're saying too. It's nice to be comfy. I've been there, done that, and it's time for something else now. Something completely different. I'm beginning to be okay with where I am right now. I'm almost afraid to say that, in fact, I feel like I just might have poked the good luck god a bit too hard ... sorry about that sweetie, I have to find a name for you.. (rub).
Posted by Dave001 on February 16, 2005, at 15:57:32
In reply to Whine, might be a trigger about sex but not likely, posted by Susan47 on February 14, 2005, at 19:48:55
> So this is Valentine's Day. Hmm. People everywhere, couples, are getting together. Some will have a hot, romantic bath together by candlelight. Afterwards, they'll go into the warmly glowing bedroom, where music will be softly playing, the massage oil laid out, the lights dim. Rose-coloured, in fact. Yes. Maybe a candle strategically placed for dramatic effect. Hmm. Some couples will have group dinners, drinks, music and talk. My personal fav'.
> Some couples will go out for dinner. Someone will ask someone else to marry them. Many proposals of different types will be accepted.
> And me? I have to get in my car and drive five miles to get to an incredibly boring class in a filthy disgusting classroom with 17 other women who'd rather be somewhere else.
> Life.
> It gets ya even before the end.Well, this *is* the place to "whine," so to speak. Although even online I more often tend to assume the role of one whom is always ready to offer tokens of sentiment and dispense gems of wisdom to others, than I am to actually express any feelings of grief or remorse of my own, there are occasions (such as now) that I break that rule. BTW, the former action, of which I describe characteristic of myself, can often be the result of one's fear of exposing their own vulnerabilities and perceived weaknesses.
Anyway, I want to emphasize with your feeling of loneliness, especially as one whom has always had great difficulty and unease when it comes to meeting new people. I also had become so used to that enduring pain and feeling of emptiness; I was so convinced that I would never find happiness without a love in my life. Then one day, when the cosmos was in some bizarre configuration or whatever, and luck was actually in my favor, my dream was answered. It was instant love, the "perfect" match. This isn't meant to sound like a cheesy, sentimental bullsh*t tale to inspire reassurance. I think we are all tired of those, and unfortunately, not every story has a happy ending, either. A few years ago (which feels literally like *days*), she was killed in a tragic accident, the details of which I will omit because I don't have the energy to elaborate at moment (I was not there at the time of her death). We were engaged. I was twenty-five years old when she died (which actually happened *on* my 25th birthday, of all times; needless to say, no longer a day of celebration) and it seems as though everyone acts as though I should have long since "moved on" by now (I was barely twenty when we met). Although it has now been a little over three years, it seems like just yesterday. In fact, things are even worse now than two years ago. Denial is a powerful survival tool.
Excuse the rant, but I have to agree: Valentine's Day ain't the brightest day of the year for many. I feel that now, the only sort of relationship ever possible would be of the "recreational" type -- a cautious euphemism. Contrary to the experiences of depression I most often read from others, neither the severity of my depression nor the medications I've thrown at it have caused any perceptible decrease of *that* urge. How *very* frustrating. ;-) Even my cognition is so shot to hell that it is taking me forever to write short and simple posts or e-mails, but my libido remains completely unabated. Did I mention how frustrating that is? I know this isn't an appropriate place to elaborate on such details, so I won't, but I couldn't help but to notice the word "sex" in the subject line. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have mentioned it.
Posted by Toph on February 16, 2005, at 18:07:01
In reply to Re: Whine, might be a trigger about sex but not li, posted by Dave001 on February 16, 2005, at 15:57:32
Hey Dave,
If you are a veteran, excuse me for not knowing you. You hardly strike me as shy. Not having suffered a loss even approaching the devestation you must have endured, far be it for me to offer anything but my condolences. I hope that you have renewed your faith in the stars to bring you another companion. I'm sure your lost love would want you to move on with your life if she could communicate with you. Anyway, while I can't speak for women it is hard for me to believe that there is not another woman who would love to share a life with a smart, articulate, sensitive survivor who is willing to help others as you have tried here.Toph
Posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 10:24:53
In reply to Re: Whine, might be a trigger about sex but not li, posted by Dave001 on February 16, 2005, at 15:57:32
Posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 11:31:17
In reply to Re: sounds like you and susan should get together (nm) » Dave001, posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 10:24:53
I'm too old for him. Plus it's not about sex. Sex on its own means nothing, nada.
Posted by Toph on February 17, 2005, at 11:50:16
In reply to Re: sounds like you and susan should get together, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 11:31:17
Am I missing something here or did Dave candidly bear his soul and speak about missing intimacy in his life? I'm not sure he mistook this site for a dating sevice.
Toph
Posted by sunny10 on February 17, 2005, at 12:08:30
In reply to Auntie Mel » Susan47, posted by Toph on February 17, 2005, at 11:50:16
try Effexor XL.... it certainly KILLED my libido while I was on it... and about five months off, I an only just STARTING to feel myself again...
I am very sorry that your Valentine's Day AND birthday are so miserable right now. I agree wholeheartedly with Toph. She would DEFINITELY desire and expect a love for you in this life. I would never expect you to forget your first love- any woman worth your love would feel the same.
Happy belated Valentine's Day and happy birthday, too. I'm saying it because I wish them for you.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 15:24:42
In reply to Auntie Mel » Susan47, posted by Toph on February 17, 2005, at 11:50:16
Bad attempt at a joke. It's just that Susan is always talking about naughty bits - and Dave was talking about "things of the flexh"
Sorry. I'll put my serious hat back on.
Posted by Toph on February 17, 2005, at 15:47:27
In reply to Re: Susan and Toph - sorry, posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 15:24:42
NP, Mel. I know you as a serious, considerate person. I was just afraid Dave might not know that.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 16:04:29
In reply to Re: sorry » AuntieMel, posted by Toph on February 17, 2005, at 15:47:27
This is the end of the thread.
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