![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pegasus on October 6, 2004, at 14:17:15
I just have to get something off my chest. So I'm going to write it out here, and hope that that helps me let it go.
I am plagued by the notion that I just don't matter one bit as a person. No one is the slightest bit interested in anything I say. No one sees me, or listens to me. I *think* I'm trying pretty hard to be seen and heard, without being obnoxious. But then, my family just goes along as if I've never said or felt anything. Or as if whatever is going on for me is of no concern to them.
I wrote a dissertation that I'm sure no one, including any of my advisors, has ever read. Their comments made it pretty clear that they didn't really know what my work was about. So, if no one cares, why did I do all of that work?
Even my old therapist moved away in the middle of my therapy, as if everything we had talked about and the relationship that seemed so profound to me was inconsequential. Just pass me off to another therapist, and that's that (hand washing motions).
I just left a volunteer organization where I worked for 6 years, and no one even said goodbye, or we'll miss you. Hello! I loved working with all of them, and I miss them a ton!
What's up with this? Am I that uninteresting? Is everyone so wrapped up in their own stuff that we don't ever really see or hear each other? I don't even matter to myself, most of the time.
Yikes, don't know what I expect, but I just had to say this.
pegasus
Posted by alesta on October 6, 2004, at 17:44:44
In reply to I don't matter one whit, posted by pegasus on October 6, 2004, at 14:17:15
hi, pegasus!i know that "yikes" feeling well..i can tell you must be a sensitive person, like me. don't worry..you didn't say anything that you should be embarrassed about! now myself, on the other hand..:)
what you wrote sounds very painful..you sound like an intelligent, interesting person!! don't let these people fool you! i wonder if you didn't receive much acknowledgement as a child? yes, there are a lot of self-absorbed, and, if i may be so bold, rude, people out there today..that's really heartbreaking that no one said goodbye when you left the volunteer organization..what are these people thinking! i'm so sorry..i wish you could believe in yourself, because you sound like someone really worth getting to know! i mean, listen to the title of your thread..don't buy into it. you've got to start changing your thought patterns about yourself. i have an idea for you: brainstorm and make a list of your positive attributes and some positive affirmations and read that list once a day right after you get up in the morning. preferably write the affirmations on a colored piece of paper or tape them onto colored paper (color ignites the subconscious mind). or maybe just try to ignore some of those negative thoughts in your head..
i'm glad you could express that and get it out--it is amazing how telling someone else your problems helps. don't be afraid to show the dark side..
take care,;0)
amy
Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2004, at 19:45:58
In reply to I don't matter one whit, posted by pegasus on October 6, 2004, at 14:17:15
> Is everyone so wrapped up in their own stuff that we don't ever really see or hear each other?
I think this is the usual explanation. Sad, but true. And families may be the worst offenders.
Well, I am always happy to see your name, and look forward to reading your posts.
Do you think Babble is like Cheers? Pegasus!
Seriously, I suspect that is the reasons those shows are so popular. They show people with "chosen" families where they are accepted and cared for. Everybody knows their name and they're missed if they're gone.
Sadly real life isn't like that nearly often enough.
Posted by pegasus on October 7, 2004, at 12:14:38
In reply to Re: I don't matter one whit » pegasus, posted by alesta on October 6, 2004, at 17:44:44
Thanks, alesta. You're right that I didn't receive a lot of acknowledgment as a child. I had some superstar siblings that got all of that. And I've been working on this in therapy lately. It's scary to me how upset I get when I think about these situations where I wasn't acknowledged.
It's a good idea to think of positive things about myself. It's so *hard*, but I've been working on that in therapy too. I can do it, but I never believe it. I never feel it. So hopefully that'll change with time. Sigh.
Thanks again,
pegasus
Posted by pegasus on October 7, 2004, at 12:16:14
In reply to You matter many whits » pegasus, posted by Dinah on October 6, 2004, at 19:45:58
Oh, Dinah, you are so sweet. That is just what I needed. Thanks!
I think you're right that babble can feel like a chosen family. Funny that we don't even know where each other lives, or what we look like. But I do feel like part of the babble community. It's helping me feel more visible. :)
pegasus
Posted by alesta on October 7, 2004, at 14:32:38
In reply to Re: I don't matter one whit, posted by pegasus on October 7, 2004, at 12:14:38
oh, sad, beautiful pegasus. it's a shame about your childhood. i hope someday you can see the beauty that i see in you. what's not to like? forget whatever all these superficial things are that you're judging yourself against..they don't exemplify a person's worth..it all boils down to your soul..that's all you'll have left when you leave this life..i believe the only reason we are here is to learn to love..that's the only thing that matters..your soul is beautiful. :)love,
amy
Posted by Daisym on October 7, 2004, at 23:09:07
In reply to Re: I don't matter one whit, posted by pegasus on October 7, 2004, at 12:14:38
I'm sorry you were made to feel like this in real life. You know, good-byes are so hard for me. I'm sure people think I don't miss them, but I can't get through it without tears and I DON'T cry at work. So I avoid good-byes in person whenever possible. I do send cards, however...
I know it is hard to work on this in therapy. I was just given the small book "Life according to Mr. Rogers" and he has some great quotes about all we really want is to matter to someone else. No what we do, but US. And we want to be missed if we were gone.
I'd miss you...
How are things otherwise? Still feeling sick?
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.