Posted by pegasus on October 6, 2004, at 14:17:15
I just have to get something off my chest. So I'm going to write it out here, and hope that that helps me let it go.
I am plagued by the notion that I just don't matter one bit as a person. No one is the slightest bit interested in anything I say. No one sees me, or listens to me. I *think* I'm trying pretty hard to be seen and heard, without being obnoxious. But then, my family just goes along as if I've never said or felt anything. Or as if whatever is going on for me is of no concern to them.
I wrote a dissertation that I'm sure no one, including any of my advisors, has ever read. Their comments made it pretty clear that they didn't really know what my work was about. So, if no one cares, why did I do all of that work?
Even my old therapist moved away in the middle of my therapy, as if everything we had talked about and the relationship that seemed so profound to me was inconsequential. Just pass me off to another therapist, and that's that (hand washing motions).
I just left a volunteer organization where I worked for 6 years, and no one even said goodbye, or we'll miss you. Hello! I loved working with all of them, and I miss them a ton!
What's up with this? Am I that uninteresting? Is everyone so wrapped up in their own stuff that we don't ever really see or hear each other? I don't even matter to myself, most of the time.
Yikes, don't know what I expect, but I just had to say this.
pegasus
poster:pegasus
thread:399659
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041001/msgs/399659.html