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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by gardenergirl on July 22, 2004, at 0:01:52
In reply to all right my computer failed me right as I was...., posted by Jai Narayan on July 21, 2004, at 20:38:01
Jai,
I have had this experinece, particulary when working with people in later stages of Alzheimers. Although they were not able to communicate verbally in any kind of coherent manner, I really *felt* I connected with them and understood. And then when my verbal response was to try to state or validate what they were feeling, they seemed to be comforted and calmer. Perhaps this comes out of my own need to feel like people in late stages of dementia are still *in there* somewhere, but it really felt like a connection to me.And this moment always feels like a gift from God.
I hope your abilities feel that way to you, too.
((((Jai))))
gg
Posted by just plain jane on July 22, 2004, at 0:31:27
In reply to Re: all right my computer failed me right as I was.... » Jai Narayan, posted by tabitha on July 21, 2004, at 22:59:09
I understand your situation, Jai. I realized I am empathic years ago, but couldn't get anyone to perceive what I experience.
Funny, but the character from Star Trek, The Next Generation, Counselor Deanna Troi, opened the eyes of some of my acquaintances. As if having "hyperempathy" only became a real thing once someone put it on a TV show. The odd thing about that is that Troi was only half human, and the empath features only came with her alien heritage.
Do you suppose this means we are half alien??? (chuckling)
tabitha,
Yes, being empathic can be extremely intrusive. it can also handicap, if one does not realize that very few people are like they are. I was ostracized as a child in all social arenas because I was so sensitive to others' feelings. This treatment of me was the one thing which eluded my understanding.
I stretched myself very thin for the people I knew. It wasn't until years later that I understood that these people I had helped and cared so much about did not have an inkling of how I felt. Most of them were just users. I don't regret helping any of them, though.
In recent years I have managed to learn how to be social without giving myself up to everyone. It can be very difficult to stand by, knowing that someone is hurting, to restrain myself when I know that someone is a user, and worse, an abuser. My innate tendency is to respond to what I perceive, but I am finally, at age 48, capable of a type of detachment. It is something I have to consciously exercise, in order to keep myself in focus.
I was recently diagnosed (categorized) by the psychiatrist who runs the mental health department where I receive counseling. His conclusions were PD NOS (personality disorder - not otherwise specified), PTSD, OCD, Agoraphobia, and Anxiety & Panic Disorders. I believe a good deal of these have been caused, at least in part, by my hyperempathy and inability to reconcile what I feel with how the rest of society perceives and behaves. Especially the PD NOS classification. In my case, I have been labelled "weird" by my social world. PD NOS is, to me, just a place to put all us weird people who the shrinks can't otherwise diagnose, or understand. And, in my case, I am weird because I am an empath.
Posted by tabitha on July 22, 2004, at 0:41:38
In reply to Re: all right my computer failed me right as I was...., posted by just plain jane on July 22, 2004, at 0:31:27
thanks for the insights. It's always been a struggle for me to read people's feelings (including my own). I've gotten better at it, but I still miss a lot. It's hard for me to imagine what it must be like having an overabundance of empthy.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 22, 2004, at 0:43:24
In reply to Re: all right my computer failed me right as I was...., posted by just plain jane on July 22, 2004, at 0:31:27
How sad that your gift is considered to be pathology. I don't know if I would go so far as to say I am an empath, but I am a highly sensitive person. I, too used to face ridicule from others for being hurt by things that others thought were no big deal. This feeling of being weak or weird continued until I read "The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive when the World Overwhelms You" by Elaine Aron. It really depathologizes sensitivity. It felt like it was written just for me.
BTW, I love your posting name. When I was a girl, I had a doll named "Playin' Jane". She had a redhaired pony tail (I have red hair), and she could "play" games with you by pushing down on a level and launching a ball into a game board. I think most of the games were tic tac toe type things, but it was so cool. A very special doll to me for a number of reasons.
Take care,
gg
Posted by just plain jane on July 22, 2004, at 1:12:58
In reply to Re: all right my computer failed me right as I was.... » Jai Narayan, posted by gardenergirl on July 22, 2004, at 0:01:52
gg,
Thank you for sharing here.I, too, believe empathy is a gift from God (who else?).
Just as with faith, I think one must exercise it to become stronger, but it is within us at conception. Part of the uniquity that is us.
Personally, I have no doubt whatsoever that you have made the connections you feel. And that those with whom you connect are aware of your gift, and appreciative of your generosity of spirit.
Although it is well into the wee hours for me I am so... pleased... to have stumbled in here that I find it very difficult to go to bed.
Time to exercise that self-control. My son will be waking me in 6 hours.
Posted by just plain jane on July 22, 2004, at 1:21:16
In reply to Re: all right my computer failed me right as I was.... » just plain jane, posted by tabitha on July 22, 2004, at 0:41:38
tabitha,
From where I sit it appears you are trying, which is more effort than most people put forth.
Hang in here. I'm just guessing, but it feels like a good place to grow.
BTW, "having an overabundance of empathy" feels blessed.
jane
Posted by just plain jane on July 22, 2004, at 1:28:36
In reply to gg's gift » gardenergirl, posted by just plain jane on July 22, 2004, at 1:12:58
I am also a redhead.
Perhaps there's something in that.
Wait... no... it can't be.
My three sisters are also redheads, as are many of my relatives, and none of them stagger under the weight of their empathy.
lol
g'nite
Posted by B2chica on July 22, 2004, at 9:20:20
In reply to Re: all right my computer failed me right as I was.... » Jai Narayan, posted by tabitha on July 21, 2004, at 22:59:09
>> Wasn't there an empath on star trek next generation? That woman with the plunging necklines? But maybe she was supposed to have ESP.
yep i think her name was something Troy. and yes empath but also telepathy (talking with mind).
...;^)
i LOVED DATA!!!!
b2c.
Posted by B2chica on July 22, 2004, at 9:31:36
In reply to Re: all right my computer failed me right as I was » tabitha, posted by B2chica on July 22, 2004, at 9:20:20
All you that feel you are empathic, have you mentioned it to your T's?? or anyone for that matter. do they just nod their head, smile- saying "sure you feel others feelings...ya, i believe you (sarcasm here)"
or do they take you seriously? REALLY understand?well in one of my 'word drawings' that i showed my T at the very beginning i had Empathy quite large and tangled in barbed wire near "my center"-he almost had a shocked look on his face and quickly asked "Empathy???" i just told him just that i placed it there cuz it's part of what's inside me that sometimes is very intense and it can hurt.
he's never mentioned it again, but i wasn't sure afterwards what he thinks i mean by that. i'm not sure he really understands that it's not just to empathize with someone but actually empathic. And to be honest i just left it there and didn't give detail cuz i'm not sure anyone really get's it. i've only told....two people in my life and one is dead. so that leaves one person (my close friend now) about it and he feels it too, to some degree.
What do you all think?
B2c.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 22, 2004, at 11:40:08
In reply to gg's gift » gardenergirl, posted by just plain jane on July 22, 2004, at 1:12:58
You are so sweet, must be the red hair! :)
I'm glad you stumbled in here, and I certainly understand how it is hard to turn it off, once you find a place that feels like coming home. I hope you continue to enjoy Babble with all of its lovely personalities.
I've recenly been beating myself up for spending so much time online, but I think your post made me realize that there is something here that fills a need. The connection and the feelings of being understood and valued by others...Thanks for helping me realize that.
And welcome to Babble! Here's a cyber hug
((((just plain jane))))
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 22, 2004, at 11:40:52
In reply to Re: all right my computer failed me right as I was » tabitha, posted by B2chica on July 22, 2004, at 9:20:20
Posted by Cass on July 22, 2004, at 14:27:41
In reply to emotional sensitivity and empathy » just plain jane, posted by gardenergirl on July 22, 2004, at 0:43:24
Dear GardenerGirl and all,
I haven't read many self-help books lately, but I'm going to buy the one you mentioned, GG. I have alwasy been very intuned with the vulnerablility or emotional suffering of others. It's excruciatingly painful. One of my earliest childhood memories is of being at school and seeing a little boy get dragged across a lawn by a dog. His foot was caught in the dog's leash and the dog was running and dragging him. I remember him crying in fear and humiliation, and it was enormously painful for me to see this. It was as if it were happening to me. I also remember adults and children around me laughing as the watched this scene. I knew I was different from them, and it was confusing.
Being very empathic was even more difficult because my unhappy mother was very hostile toward her children. She seemed to only believe the worst, especially of me. I was her last and least wanted child. She tried to teach me that I was an insensitive, unkind child, and a part of myself believed that. Consequently, I couldn't deal with the empathic side of myself. I wasn't usually able to act on it. It contradicted the identity that my mother had set for me.
Posted by TexasChic on July 22, 2004, at 14:44:29
In reply to Re: all right my computer failed me right as I was » tabitha, posted by B2chica on July 22, 2004, at 9:20:20
And that's the first thing I thought off when I saw this thread! That was my favorite Star Trek series.
Posted by partlycloudy on July 22, 2004, at 15:07:43
In reply to Re: That would be Deanna Troy, posted by TexasChic on July 22, 2004, at 14:44:29
I can never resist trivia. Of course you know that her mother was played by Nurse Chapel, aka Mrs. Gene Roddenbery. With those contact lenses that make your eyes all pupil.
Posted by TexasChic on July 22, 2004, at 16:34:31
In reply to Re: That would be Deanna Troy » TexasChic, posted by partlycloudy on July 22, 2004, at 15:07:43
I believe the contacts were to make her look more like Deanna. Also, Geordi was Kunta Kinte in Roots (LeVar Burton).
Posted by B2chica on July 22, 2004, at 16:40:17
In reply to Mentioning to your T???, posted by B2chica on July 22, 2004, at 9:31:36
Dr.BOB, if it fits better could you give this thread a lift over to psych board?
thnx.
b2c.
Posted by Jai Narayan on July 22, 2004, at 17:10:41
In reply to Re: all right my computer failed me right as I was.... » Jai Narayan, posted by tabitha on July 21, 2004, at 22:59:09
> sounds like it could be intrusive, if you can't shut it off at times. But mostly a gift, right?
>
** I have had this since I was little so I am used to it and would miss it if it were to go away. Kind of like being able to hear or taste.
> Wasn't there an empath on star trek next generation? That woman with the plunging necklines? But maybe she was supposed to have ESP.
**I never watched TV when Star Trek was on....I guess that was a big mistake on my part. but I had a period where TV was not tollerated. Like right now. My TV died and I haven't replaced it.
Boo hoo....I am missing all the news of the war and the ads of people running for office....
I was being silly. I am so happy it happened now. I choose to read the news etc.
I have ESP as well.
Do you?
Posted by Jai Narayan on July 22, 2004, at 17:12:35
In reply to Re: all right my computer failed me right as I was.... » Jai Narayan, posted by gardenergirl on July 22, 2004, at 0:01:52
> Jai,
> I have had this experinece, particulary when working with people in later stages of Alzheimers.** I am impressed that you have worked with Alzheimer patients. What a gift for them to be with you.
>
> And this moment always feels like a gift from God.
>
***I know what you mean.
Posted by TexasChic on July 22, 2004, at 17:56:52
In reply to always lovely to hear from you, posted by Jai Narayan on July 22, 2004, at 17:10:41
Wow, that is so cool! I've always felt that just because we don't understand something doesn't mean its not true. I mean, everybody used to think the earth was flat! And there was nothing to make them think otherwise because they just weren't advanced enough yet.
I think some day they will discover a scientific explanation for these sort of things that people discount nowadays. Until then, I remain happily open-minded.
:-)P.S. Oh, have you seen The Mothmen Prophesis? There was a line in it about these beings that nobody understood, it was something like, "You can look at a roach and understand what it is, but you can't explain yourself to it." Meaning, the beings were so advanced that we wouldn't be able to comprehend them. Anyway, I just thought that was a cool thing to think about.
Posted by Jai Narayan on July 23, 2004, at 10:06:33
In reply to Re: ESP, posted by TexasChic on July 22, 2004, at 17:56:52
In my family, I was the one my mother didn't want. My mother spent a good amount of time going in and coming out of hospitals. For the first 8 years of my life she had a breakdown every year....
So I developed in unusual ways. My skin is very sensitive. My emotions are very strong. I wondered if I was from another planet.
Lots of child ponderings....
Where am I from
why am I here
what is my purpose
The empathy became my biosphere....
my sister and I were connected psychically.Sometimes I can see the future...
my sister has dreams that come true....I grew up in a town where my family was very unusual and I felt terribly alone....
That's why I love this site where we can have this amazing conversation.
I can see that we do have the same gift....
I love connecting with you all and getting your story about your Empathy....
Posted by TofuEmmy on July 23, 2004, at 10:21:33
In reply to Re: That would be Deanna Troy, posted by TexasChic on July 22, 2004, at 14:44:29
Oh dear yes...plunging necklines....<fanning self rapidly>....curvaceous hips....um...yes..I think I might remember her. ;-)
Emmy, the vegetarian perv, passes out
Posted by TexasChic on July 23, 2004, at 10:37:55
In reply to Re: That would be Deanna Troy, posted by TofuEmmy on July 23, 2004, at 10:21:33
Yeah, I loved her. I was so upset though that she and Worf didn't end up together. She ended up with Riker and I always hated him. I read somewhere that she is British and she created the accent she had out of combination of different accents. She wanted it to be something that no one could quite pin down because she figured that's how it would be in the future.
Yes I'm a trekkie. And a computer geek. What can I say. I've always figured I'll make some nerd very happy someday.
Posted by B2chica on July 23, 2004, at 11:46:32
In reply to I am so touched by this post about EMPATHY, posted by Jai Narayan on July 23, 2004, at 10:06:33
> So I developed in unusual ways. My skin is very sensitive. My emotions are very strong. I wondered if I was from another planet.
> Lots of child ponderings....
> Where am I from
> why am I here
> what is my purpose
> The empathy became my biosphere....boy when i read your post i swear we grew up in the same town, maybe next door neighbors. I always wondered why no one else understood me, what i felt. i NEVER really belonged. i too asked these questions even at a young age. could i have come from somewhere else? why am i so different, why do i feel these things, why don't other kids my age? what' my purpose...etc. why does it hurt so much. I guess the adults always said i was just a 'sensitive' child. and shy (well there were a couple reasons for that but one was i've NEVER liked being around tons of strangers cuz i'd get confused with these emotions. but finally i would later learn to tell the difference between what emotions are mine and 'others'.
> Sometimes I can see the future...
> my sister has dreams that come true....i do the dream thing too-usually if i dream it 2 or 3 days in a row it happens, though it has been a while for me. i think it's cuz of all my emotional stuff going on right now (not to mention all the drugs i'm on).
> I grew up in a town where my family was very unusual and I felt terribly alone....BINGO! boy, were you at my house? yep that's me, alone inside since age...well, we moved to that h@ll hole when i was 7 so...age 7.
-ya, we were a 'token' family too.
> That's why I love this site where we can have this amazing conversation.
> I can see that we do have the same gift....
> I love connecting with you all and getting your story about your Empathy....you, me too! it's just incredible. i've only known one person IRL that understands me this way and i only became good friends with him last year.
what's so interesting is that each of our gifts are unique because of who we are. so we respond and react differently (IMHO) to these 'feelings' we get. And it's GREAT to hear them. it's almost like finally going to a school you fit in and learning about stuff that You understand! (should i be bad and use the harry potter example here?) it's like we can talk openly about who we really are without people looking funny at us, being judgemental or falsely agreeing-NEVER to know what it's like.THANK YOU JAI!!!!
B2c.
Posted by Jai Narayan on July 23, 2004, at 21:56:11
In reply to Re: I am so touched by this post about EMPATHY » Jai Narayan, posted by B2chica on July 23, 2004, at 11:46:32
Posted by just plain jane on July 25, 2004, at 22:35:16
In reply to A really big smile 4 u B2chica :) (nm), posted by Jai Narayan on July 23, 2004, at 21:56:11
I just spent the past few days away from home, away from my computer. I missed this terribly!!! It is so great to finally be in company with you who also perceive and feel.
Reading what has been posted in my absence just thrills me. After all these years of seeing myself as a freak, well... this has me in awe.
And some folks say there is no God.
As a child I was the pariah of my neighborhood. I never realized that it was because I cared so much, so deeply and strongly, and wanted so intensely to help. Everyone just loved to torment me. I see now it was because I scared them. I was (and am) on a level... plane, at a place, however you want to put it, that they cannot ever even visit.
But you all are here. We share this vast space, just we few.
We are not weird.
We are not pathological.
We are not too sensitive
or crybabies,
or any of the hundred other hurtful things
that people have called me or said to me
over the years.We are simply blessed.
Children of God.
Children.
Loving.
Caring.
Wide-eyed and trusting,
in spite of all the cruel,
untrustworthy,
jealous, hateful
things that have been said or done to us.
It is still the with innocence, trust, faith, love and concern of my youngest memories that I continue on each day.Still a child.
God's blessed child.((((( you fellow empaths )))))
Jane
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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