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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by owenus32 on May 31, 2004, at 20:01:33
I am 32 and he's 36. We were looking at the "cute" 23 year olds and the not as hot 45 year olds. People have told me this is wrong thinking but my bro said any man sees a 25 year old "hottie" and thinks ... But I HATE that! I'm not gorgeous and I'm 32 ! I mean am I going to be attrated to 25 year old babes when I'm 45 and have a wife and kids? That's wrong
Posted by Emme on May 31, 2004, at 21:10:51
In reply to Me and my bro were talking about women and..., posted by owenus32 on May 31, 2004, at 20:01:33
I bet a lot of people are going to weigh in on this issue. Maybe this is just an idealistic female viewpoint, but my thinking is that you're not going to stop being human or have your eyes removed if you get married. We *all* appreciate aesthetics. But that doesn't mean you'll want to run off and act on it. If you have a partner you're committed to and love, that's where your heart will be.
> I am 32 and he's 36. We were looking at the "cute" 23 year olds and the not as hot 45 year olds. People have told me this is wrong thinking but my bro said any man sees a 25 year old "hottie" and thinks ... But I HATE that! I'm not gorgeous and I'm 32 ! I mean am I going to be attrated to 25 year old babes when I'm 45 and have a wife and kids? That's wrong
Posted by deirdrehbrt on May 31, 2004, at 21:25:12
In reply to Me and my bro were talking about women and..., posted by owenus32 on May 31, 2004, at 20:01:33
OwenUS,
I'm not in the same position as you, but here's what I think...
Anyone who sees a beautiful person can look at them and recognize that beauty. If you are attracted to a person of that sex, then it will stir up other feelings.
An adult person though, will look at those feelings and decide whether they are right or wrong; whether they are choosing to act on those feelings or not. An adult will decide if what they are about to do will in the long run hurt those around them.
It is how you behave , what you do with those feelings that makes all the difference. If you are a husband, with a wife and children, and you see a pretty girl, think: how are you going to act. Are you going to stare at her, especially in front of your wife? If it is someone at the office, are you going to start seeing her in secret, lying to your wife? These are the things that will get you into trouble.
If you treat your wife well, letting her know that SHE is the special one in your life, noticing that a woman is beautiful, and then looking back at your wife, with a look that says that she is the most important woman in your life, can only prove the same to her.
An exceptional man can make a woman feel exceptional, and vice versa.
So, see what you see, but act the way you should.Dee.
Posted by pegasus on June 1, 2004, at 0:06:11
In reply to Me and my bro were talking about women and..., posted by owenus32 on May 31, 2004, at 20:01:33
My husband (who is 39) says that he thinks it's possible that he will always appreciate an attractive 25 year old woman. But his window of attraction does seem to be moving with his age. For example, when he was 20, he thought 18 year old women were attractive, and 35 year old women were not so much. But now 18 year olds look like little kids to him, and he does not find himself attracted to them. And now, his head can be turned by an attractive 50 year old.
Now, he may be just saying that to please me, but it sounded pretty honest, and he's not the type to hand out meaningless flattery.
pegasus
Posted by spoc on June 1, 2004, at 1:52:18
In reply to Re: Me and my bro were talking about women and..., posted by pegasus on June 1, 2004, at 0:06:11
As far as looking in general, amongst my many guy friends, I see three main reactions. Some will simply appear to feel "appreciation of form" when looking. Others will seem tormented somehow, like "Dang, I'm missing something..." and kinda have trouble refocusing on what they were doing or deciding what to do. Others don't even show any reaction or seem to be phased, even though I know they are plenty red-blooded (or whatever the word is) on the inside. Maybe a sign for you would be what kind of reaction along those lines you feel. (Fun fact: my favorite is the last category ;-)
As far as once you are married, I think the most important thing you could have done for yourself is make sure you didn't end up with the person based mainly on looks/physical attraction, passion, all the things that feel so intense and real but don't last... And a chemical reaction that you may *yearn* to feel again once it dissipates.
At that point, while the younger-woman-gawking thing may be a thorn in the side of older women, the main point is the pull of pretty other women period. Once you are married, it wouldn't be much more comforting it was also older other women you longed for -- if they weren't your wife! Hopefully she will be one older woman you still find beautiful, if she and your relationship are also beautiful on the inside! Or, are you worried as much about still being attracted to her as you are about also being attracted to younger women?
But I think it speaks very well of you that are even thinking about these things! Everyone is human, but I'm betting you're ahead of the game and your chances are pretty good of being the type to do the right thing! :- )
Posted by owenus32 on June 1, 2004, at 10:43:03
In reply to Re: Me and my bro were talking about women and..., posted by spoc on June 1, 2004, at 1:52:18
That is so true, when I was with one of my ex's who was really beautiful the sex couldn't carry it for more than a month. Than ,like an idot I dated this woman I WASN"T attracted to saying " well, it's not about looks " and that didn't work out either lol
Posted by spoc on June 1, 2004, at 11:03:37
In reply to Re: Me and my bro were talking about women and..., posted by owenus32 on June 1, 2004, at 10:43:03
> That is so true, when I was with one of my ex's who was really beautiful the sex couldn't carry it for more than a month. Than ,like an idot I dated this woman I WASN"T attracted to saying " well, it's not about looks " and that didn't work out either lol
<<<<<< Yeah, but there's this weird thing that can happen naturally, that I'm always talking about having happened to me at some point. Previously looks had been most of the "igniting" factor for me too, but then I got into my first relationship where due to constant proximity, I got to know and became wildly attracted to someone I felt NOTHING for physically for months. It was all based on personality.
After that, by nature I always NEEDED to get to know someone first before I could feel attracted, regardless of how they looked, including hot hot hot. The ones who didn't have the patience for that self-screened themselves out, which was a great bonus.
Now, it's true that I can kinda tell when there will be NO CHANCE I could end up attracted. But I found that the pool of possibilities is just a lot lot bigger than I would have thought, by the change in my natural process. So there is gray area between feeling immediate attraction and chancing dating someone for whom you feel nothing.
Maybe go with the ones who make you laugh, startle you with how much you relate to what they say, whom in their company, all seems right with the world. With them may be where the greatest potential for things to catch fire lies.
But perhaps that is only really possible if you happen to be thrown together with them often for some reason (work, bus, apartment complex, school, mutual friends, hobby group, etc.), rather than having to make formal dates with someone to whom you are not yet attracted...
Posted by owenus32 on June 1, 2004, at 16:02:02
In reply to Re: Me and my bro were talking about women and... » owenus32, posted by spoc on June 1, 2004, at 11:03:37
I PRAY I can do that ,where you areb't attracted to them and then once you get to know them you are hot for them ! Damnit. But I have like real issues bc I am 32 and longest relatuonship is 3 months. Shrink says it's because I was raised by a schizophrenic women so I don't trust em. AA says it's just looking to feel good without havin to hit the bottle
Posted by spoc on June 1, 2004, at 19:53:23
In reply to Re: Me and my bro were talking about women and..., posted by owenus32 on June 1, 2004, at 16:02:02
> I PRAY I can do that ,where you areb't attracted to them and then once you get to know them you are hot for them !
<<<< I think it has a lot to do with being in situations where you are around the person over and over before you have to talk about having dates... which isn't always how it happens once we're out of school! Gotta think of things to do and join to make that happen more. And not that I mean to say everyone should switch to people they look at and feel way totally nothing or worse..!
The possible reasons you gave for your existing tendencies do make sense, and sound like a challenge. At least you care and you're pondering. :- )
This is the end of the thread.
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