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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 14, 2004, at 8:10:57
In reply to Re: The stigma and loneliness of mental illness.... » ghost, posted by gardenergirl on May 13, 2004, at 23:58:09
> oh ghost, I hope that your parents' reaction as you described is not your own feeling. Mood disorders can be absolutely disabling. If you were dealing with a chronic physical ailment, no one would make assumptions or judgements about not finishing grad school. Why should it be any different for you? We all do the best we can with what we are given to deal with everyday. Taking care of yourself is the number one priority. You have to master that in times of stress and challenges before you can master more challenging things. And that's okay. I know it sounds like Stuart Smalley, but we do the best we can. And that's okay. To heck with what others' may believe or assume.
>
> (((ghost)))
>
> gg
Posted by ghost on May 14, 2004, at 10:58:31
In reply to Re: The stigma of mental illness... « gardenergirl, posted by Dr. Bob on May 14, 2004, at 8:10:57
since this is the social board now, i can go into detail, right? (another Long Post by Ghost (tm) here we come!)
i called my mom first, thinking she'd be the most understanding-- she's a certified nursing assistant and her own mother is bipolar and schitzo. i spent most of my childhood visits with her in institutions. i left a voicemail msg telling her where i was, that i was okay, and the numbers she could call.
i called the house phone on a whim, thinking my dad was working, and my mom answered. she sounded frozen. she couldn't say anything. she started asking questions that just started upsetting me (why was in there, why didn't i call, when was i coming home (i was still on suicide watch at that point), what do the doctors say (nothing, they never say anything), etc). i just got flustered. she was silent for awhile. i only had 5 minutes to talk since it was long distance. she said "i'm silent because i'm in shock." finally she said, "let me call your dad and give him the numbers and have him call you."
she pawned me off on him.
he called and went off on how money wasn't that important, that bill collectors aren't that hard to deal with. he thought it was all about money. i just gently said that my illness is not caused by problems like that but sometimes those problems don't help. i said that a lot of what i was feeling was the result of a chemical imbalance and they had to fix that before we could fix anything else.
he decided the cure to my illness would be to take a mini family vacation, so at the end of the month, he's flying us to orlando for three days. not sure that being with them is going to help matters (they're going to fuss over me way too much) but i hope that going someplace new will be fun and i hope to get some good photos. (i want to get back into photography.)
Posted by deirdrehbrt on May 14, 2004, at 21:22:22
In reply to Re: The stigma of mental illness..., posted by ghost on May 14, 2004, at 10:58:31
I think that all of us who have had to deal with mental illness for more than a few months have had to deal with the stigma. Sometimes we think that another relative with a severe illness can sort of make the family more sympathetic; unfortunately, that's not the case. They remember how disrupting, or difficult, or ackward things were when that person was around, and they walk on eggshells around us, afraid to 'set us off'.
With my family, I have an uncle who was in the state hospital for at least 15 years. I have three brothers, and each of them was hospitalized. My mother is living with undiagnosed OCD. You might think that would prepare the family for me, but nope.
My family has never even inquired as to what my diagnosis (diagnoses, but they certainly don't know that) is.
I have found a place where I can talk about my illness, and people don't freak. It's support groups. I'm in a depression support group, and fortunately, mental illness doesn't always show itself with just one condition. Many depressed people have OCD, or SAD, or ADD or Borderline, or Bipolar, or any of a number of different things. You are likely to find someone who understands you at a number of different support groups.
The other good thing about support groups is gaining the benifit of the experience of so many people. I have a case manager, but there are so many times that I hear someting about a service or opportunity in group before she ever brings it up.
If you can find real support in your family, then you have a very fine family, and should be proud of them. If not, you have to look elsewhere, and support groups are my first choice. (second perhaps to the mental health providers you are working with)
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 15, 2004, at 2:52:57
In reply to Re: The stigma of mental illness... « gardenergirl, posted by Dr. Bob on May 14, 2004, at 8:10:57
Re: The stigma and loneliness of mental illness....
Posted by KindGirl on May 14, 2004, at 9:51:25
In reply to Re: The stigma and loneliness of mental illness.... » KindGirl, posted by ghost on May 13, 2004, at 23:29:09
Ghost,
I am so glad you wrote and I am so glad you are acknowledging at least that there is a concern inside of you (going to the hospital, seeking help). It takes immense courage to do this. I know, because I am scared out of my pants each and every week I go to t. and my t. says I am courageous and I know it is true because I am so scared. How can there be courage without fear, right?I hear so much shame in your post. I hear it because I do it to myself. Isn't it funny how we can be so compassionate and understanding with everyone but ourselves? When I read about your struggles w/grad school I think, "so what?"...So what in that it has nothing to do with my opinion of your intrinsic value as a person...I never finished grad school, and yes I was a straight A student and feel like a failure in every other area of my life, too. :(
I am glad you are giving a name and a voice to the pain and confusion inside of you and I hope it helps, even just a little, to have a name for "what you have"....it is a medically diagnosed condition, just like diabetes or cancer....what you have is a physical illness, too. I have to tell myself that because I am so ashamed I am a freak or nuts or a misfit and I never fit in anywhere and nobody would have a clue because I am a professional at hiding all of it.
I often tell my t. I should have been an actress the way I can pretend so well.
Anyway, didn't want to ramble but say to you I am glad you are hear, I am sorry you were in the hospital, and I am praying your shame will lift just a little and you will see yourself for who you truly are and that is a much loved child of God. (at least that is how I see you right now).
If I could just be so nice to myself!!!!!--
Re: The stigma and loneliness of mental illness.... » KindGirl
Posted by ghost on May 14, 2004, at 10:37:57
In reply to Re: The stigma and loneliness of mental illness...., posted by KindGirl on May 14, 2004, at 9:51:25
> I know, because I am scared out of my pants each and every week I go to t. and my t. says I am courageous and I know it is true because I am so scared. How can there be courage without fear, right?
This is absolutely right. I used to think of going to T's and pdocs as a "sign of weakness." ...because people couldn't deal with their own problems. I've learned now that I was so very wrong-- it's the strongest people who seek out help, and continue on with their T's, even when sessions get hard, and when it gets uncomfortable. WE ARE THE STRONG ONES.
> I hear so much shame in your post. I hear it because I do it to myself. Isn't it funny how we can be so compassionate and understanding with everyone but ourselves? When I read about your struggles w/grad school I think, "so what?"...So what in that it has nothing to do with my opinion of your intrinsic value as a person...I never finished grad school, and yes I was a straight A student and feel like a failure in every other area of my life, too. :(
you have no idea how relieved i was to hear how well you can relate. because I *do* feel like a failure. but I don't think of *you* as a failure-- why is the world so different for me than it is for everyone else?
>I have to tell myself that because I am so ashamed I am a freak or nuts or a misfit and I never fit in anywhere and nobody would have a clue because I am a professional at hiding all of it.
but you fit in *here*. for me, that means a lot.
someone i know recently told me how much more painful it is for those suffering with mental illnesses.... with diabetes, or muscular dystrophy, broken bones, or even just the common cold, there is a physical manifestation that people can see... people can see you suffering, or at least see that things aren't 100% with you. with mental illness you could be standing next to someone for minutes, days, years-- not having a clue the kind of prison or hell that is their own mind. it was then that i realised i was tormenting only myself by never seeking help.
and in the hospital i learned that if i DID have diabetes, that my illness would be automatically validated. it takes a smart, educated person to understand that mental illness is every bit as valid as physical illness. this was a hard one to grasp. but a relief.
> I often tell my t. I should have been an actress the way I can pretend so well.
omg. you have no idea....
> Anyway, didn't want to ramble but say to you I am glad you are hear, I am sorry you were in the hospital, and I am praying your shame will lift just a little and you will see yourself for who you truly are and that is a much loved child of God. (at least that is how I see you right now).
> If I could just be so nice to myself!!!!!thank you so much. (((((hugs))))))
and i agree-- i wish i could write the same words to you, and offer you the same understanding you offered me. because it sure does mean a lot. and you deserve no shame in your life. none whatsoever.
(dr bob, maybe this belonged in social too. sorry.)
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