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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 128 to 152 of 545. Go back in thread:
Posted by jlynne on April 1, 2004, at 20:07:25
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on April 1, 2004, at 16:36:37
Hey, sis . . . that is funny that we both came up with the same phone number, and me clear over here on the other side of the continent! LOL
You did a lot today, sweetie . . . you took some scary steps. Maybe you need to try and look at yourself from a different perspective now - like, maybe you're not really looking for a way to end your life; maybe you are really looking for a way to *save* your life??
I mean, this all seems like a big failure to you, right? Maybe you just can't see a way past it? and maybe you just can't figure how to face the people you care about with it, huh?
What do you think might happen when they find out about your secret? If we can get that out of the way, maybe we can set aside the idea of suicide, and start thinking about how to get through this, eh?
I am sure willing to support you with that, Sandy.
((((HUGS)))) ((((Strokes)))) ((((Smiles)))) ((((Chocolate))))
...jlynne
p.s. you know, I have heard of the term "death by chocolate!" LOL
Posted by jlynne on April 2, 2004, at 12:19:01
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on April 1, 2004, at 20:07:25
Hey, Sandy . . . I'm still here:~)
Working at home today. I have an office set up here; connected to main office by computer network - - lucky me, huh? (not this computer, tho . . . this one's mine, so I have to check my posts on my breaks, okay?)
[I'm still in my robe, but the clients can't tell over the phone, so what the hey??] Mostly record keeping today, though - argh!
Did you find some chocolate last night?
((((HUGS))))
...jlynne
Posted by jlynne on April 2, 2004, at 22:53:46
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on April 2, 2004, at 12:19:01
Posted by spoc on April 3, 2004, at 12:52:18
In reply to Miss you, sweetie! (nm), posted by jlynne on April 2, 2004, at 22:53:46
Hi jlynne, I'm pretty new here and have decided maybe I should have been stating that and saying 'Hello!' when I barge in! So, 'hello,' and may I compliment you on your big heart? Anyway, I wanted to remind you and SandyWeb -- in case she is still reading -- of the possibility that if it is the only thing that will make her comfortable, she can come back with a new nickname. I know that's not what you'd ideally want to happen, but at least that way she can still have the board to interact with, and have the chance to decide what approach will be right for her, so that she can partake of the good things it has to offer and yet not end up feeling about herself as she has now. That may be better than giving up this source of 'companionship' completely...?
Posted by jlynne on April 3, 2004, at 14:36:36
In reply to Re: Miss you, sweetie! » jlynne, posted by spoc on April 3, 2004, at 12:52:18
Hey, Sandy . . . looks like I'm not the only one who wants you to come back, eh?
Thank you for the idea, Spoc.
Sandy, what do you think? Gonna come back? [Although, the way everyone's been posting lately, it has been kind of *depressing* around here] LOL
I saw on another thread that someone else is planning an 'e' birthday party tomorrow. Maybe we could do that, too, on your birthday - the 6th, right?
We could each get some ice cream and cake, put on our party hats, put on some streamin' oldies (well, that's for me - you can choose your own music), dress up/dress down/get naked - whatever - and PARTY DOWN! What do you think, sweetie??
I miss you, Sandy. Please, talk to me.
((((soft strokes)))) ((((HUGS))))
...jlynne
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 3, 2004, at 17:48:31
In reply to Re: Miss you, sweetie! » spoc, posted by jlynne on April 3, 2004, at 14:36:36
Cool idea can I come to the party LOW CARB ICE CREAM BARS FOR ME.....? Yes SHE did say the 6th,,,and GREAT idea Spoc..I miss her too Jlynne
HUGS ALL
Posted by jlynne on April 4, 2004, at 1:17:39
In reply to Re: Miss you, sweetie! » spoc, posted by jlynne on April 3, 2004, at 14:36:36
Wherever you are, Sandy, I hope you are safe.
God bless you, sweetie.
((((HUGS)))) ((((soft strokes)))) ((((lullabies))))
...jlynne
Posted by jlynne on April 5, 2004, at 0:43:30
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on April 4, 2004, at 1:17:39
Hope to hear from you soon, Sandy.
My heart is with you, and I hope you are not alone.
((((Sandy))))
...jlynne
Posted by LynneDa on April 5, 2004, at 12:50:58
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on April 5, 2004, at 0:43:30
Hi Sandy - Don't know if you'll read this, but I hope madly that you will keep posting. You DON'T bring us down. If there is even one little inkling of help we can give you, then we will feel satisfied. I know exactly how you feel about wanting to disappear, being tired of pretending to your kids and getting really snappish. I have been there!!!!!
If I lived near you, I would bring you a nice dinner, have our kids play together, give you a shoulder rub and try to come up with a game plan. There's always a plan to be made, PLEASE don't feel bad or burdensome by reaching out. With this many brains together on each others' problems, there has to be a solution somewhere to help you!
Sandy, I'm a recruiter in the healthcare industry. I may have lots of ideas for you, places for you to start, etc. I would love to talk with you about it if you want to get in touch with me. Let me know!
Lots of hugs to you and your kiddos!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Posted by jlynne on April 6, 2004, at 12:12:19
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on April 5, 2004, at 0:43:30
Sandy, I just wanted to let you know that I remembered your birthday today. I hope you are with people who care about you, and I hope you are getting help.
I wish you health and happiness for this coming year, and may God hold you in His loving arms and give you the hope and faith that you need to rise above all the pain you have been suffering.
I care about you, Sandy. May He bless you with the peace that passes understanding.
((((HUGS)))) ((((soft strokes))))
...jlynne
Posted by LynneDa on April 6, 2004, at 13:28:11
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on April 6, 2004, at 12:12:19
Sandy -
Here's hoping this is truly a new birth day and year for you. Out of the worst of circumstances can sometimes come the best of outcomes . . . it just takes time and assistance to get there. Please don't give up and please keep trying to get help. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!I know it is hard to have hope when you're depressed and feel crazy. I know because I've been there . . . we've all been there. Please lean on us. You don't ever bring us down :-)
~ Lynne
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 14:07:47
In reply to Happy Birthday Sandy!, posted by LynneDa on April 6, 2004, at 13:28:11
Posted by jlynne on April 7, 2004, at 10:03:25
In reply to Re: Happy Birthday Sandy!/ from me too (nm), posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 14:07:47
. . . I'm thinking about you today, sweetie:~)
((((HUGS)))) ((((soft strokes))))
...jlynne
Posted by EmmyS on April 8, 2004, at 10:11:30
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on April 5, 2004, at 0:43:30
Sandy - If anything I've said regarding triggers, and postings about suicide, have hurt you and caused you to leave Babble, please accept my personal apology. My rational mind can sometimes be clouded with childish emotion on this topic.
Please come back and join your friends in Babbleland.
Emmy
Posted by SandyWeb on April 8, 2004, at 15:08:38
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on April 6, 2004, at 12:12:19
Hi all,
I'm sorry if I caused you to worry this past week by not being on the board. Turns out that Dr. Bob called the police again. They came out on the evening of April 1st, but left after a while. But there was a seperate call the next morning, and two more police showed up at 11:30am. And they made me go to the hospital.
So I've been in-patient since the morning of April 2nd. I just got back this afternoon. I am soooo tired. I didn't enjoy being on "suicide watch". And I did a certain amount of freaking out the first couple of days.
I'm FREE now. Yeah!! Finally I'll be able to get some sleep.
The two cops stuck with me the whole time we were at the hospital until I was admitted. They were wonderful guys, and they were quite shocked when they found out that they wouldn't be taking me back home. I just didn't present to them as someone in crisis. Aren't we all just great at hiding our true selves? *smile*
For starters:
Thank you, Dr. Bob, for continuing to seek help for me. It took 5 visits from the police simply because I wasn't willing to show that things were that serious. But I was the "real deal", and I'm grateful for your "interference". Lol. I knew after that one day of walking to the ER and then not being able to enter....that there wasn't much chance I'd make it past my birthday. But I'm still here, thanks to you.....and to those darn pesky nurses who wouldn't even give me much breathing space to go to the washroom! LOL!
And I want to thank all of you for seeing me through this. It was uplifting to come home and to find that you had still been posting to me during the past week. The "professionals" had even told me that an internet board was not the place for me to be going to get the type of support that I needed....but you know what? They obviously don't know Dr. Bob's GREAT community of caring people. I tried to explain that all you wanted was to keep me talking and support me through it, but I guess they just don't get the importance of this type of board. That's a shame.
And finally,
Thank you very much, jlynne, for sticking with me throughout it all!!!! You started this thread for me, and you spent a lot of your time and self in keeping me around. I probably would have left the board too soon without your thoughtfulness. Thanks for being such a great friend to me.
In conclusion (I feel like I'm writing a book! Lol!):
I can't say that I feel "safe" with myself yet, BUT.......I made it past the date I had set for myself. That was HUGE. My vitals were crazy leading up to that day, and I had 3 panic attacks while there. But when April 7th arrived, my vitals drastically changed for the better and I didn't have another panic attack. I made it. I'm still here. Nothing has really changed, BUT....I don't have anymore significant dates. *smile*
Thanks again, Dr. Bob, for calling in the calvery. Totally unexpected and absolutely not appreciated at the time (*big smile*), but....YOU DONE GOOD! Lol!
Now I'm going to curl up in my OWN bed.
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by gardenergirl on April 8, 2004, at 15:17:38
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by SandyWeb on April 8, 2004, at 15:08:38
Sandy,
It's so good to hear from you. I was hoping that while you weren't posting you were somewhere safe. I'm glad you were. Enjoy your sleep and take care. We missed you.gg
Posted by LynneDa on April 8, 2004, at 15:21:31
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by SandyWeb on April 8, 2004, at 15:08:38
Sandy - Thank you for posting. I am really relieved you're okay, my eyes are filled with tears at this happy news :-) You are a valuable human, a mom, a person in need and you reached out to us. You are not a burden & you don't bring us down, never ever think that. We want to know how you are and how we can help.
I'm just so glad you're still with us. One step at a time. Staying alive is your first step and you did it!!!!! Congratulations!
~ Lynne
Posted by Jai Narayan on April 8, 2004, at 16:38:21
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by gardenergirl on April 8, 2004, at 15:17:38
Posted by noa on April 8, 2004, at 17:56:07
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by SandyWeb on April 8, 2004, at 15:08:38
I'm glad to see that you made it through the worst of that storm, Sandy. Thanks for checking in.
I agree that PB has been a true lifesaver for me, too. Although I didn't get the "cavalry" called in on me, PB did help me get through the worst of my depressions.
I do hope you are also getting in-person treatment as well, though, as a follow up to the hospitalization. PB is wonderful, but I don't feel it can replace in person treatment.
Be well, Sandy.
Posted by Dr. Bob on April 8, 2004, at 18:13:32
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by SandyWeb on April 8, 2004, at 15:08:38
Posted by jlynne on April 8, 2004, at 19:29:03
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by SandyWeb on April 8, 2004, at 15:08:38
Sandy, you just cannot imagine the smile on my face when I saw your name on your post. It is so good to have you back here!! And I am very relieved to hear that you were somewhere getting some help, and not alone all this time.
You are going to get a lot of people giving you advice now, and sometimes it will feel overwhelming, but just remember that you are loved, and we are here for you. You can sort out what you need and disregard the rest, okay??
Thank God for Dr. Bob, and nice cops, eh?
God bless you, Sandy. I look forward to a long, long e-friendship:~)
((((BIG HUGS)))) ((((BIG SMILES)))) ((((soft strokes))))
...jlynne
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 8, 2004, at 22:13:39
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by SandyWeb on April 8, 2004, at 15:08:38
Posted by jlynne on April 9, 2004, at 22:05:24
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on April 8, 2004, at 19:29:03
Hi, sweetie:~) Hope you are doing okay. Must be kind of surreal, huh?
No pressure; you take your time and post when you feel like it, okay? I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you:~)
God bless you.
((((HUGS)))) ((((strokes))))
...jlynne
Posted by SandyWeb on April 9, 2004, at 22:41:26
In reply to Hey, Sandy . . . you still sleeping??, posted by jlynne on April 9, 2004, at 22:05:24
Yes, I'm very tired. I am just on my way to bed now, but decided to check my mail first.
You hit the nail on the head. It is absolutely surreal!! I even said that within my head yesterday. See...we really must be sisters! *smile* I start to wonder if I'm still on the unit and only having thoughts of being back home. It is the oddest thing.
I still can't sleep very well, but my bed is so much more comfy than the hospital bed! And my pillow is SOFT. And it's dark when I turn out the light. And noone invades my privacy. I think the travel agency must have mixed up my reservation because I'm sure I asked for Club Med!! Lol!
Yes, I don't feel much like talking about myself. They said it was like pulling teeth to get anything out of me.....but they ended up getting enough and that made me feel like I had lost a tremendous amount of power. I felt so trapped, and I just kept asking to go home. Sheesh, they wouldn't even let me off the unit to walk around the hospital. I felt like a 7-year old who is being punished and sent to their room.
All that being said, I am glad that I was there. They kept me safe, ensuring that I made it past my birthday. I didn't like that loss of control, and it made me very aggitated. But I actually found something that would do the trick very nicely, and that made me feel like I had gotten some of my "self" back. I would touch it from time to time, knowing that it was there if I wanted it. Maybe if I had had a little more privacy, I may have used it. I was working so hard on my birthday, trying to keep my head above water. The day had arrived, and I was putting a great deal of effort into making it to midnight. So I appreciate the invasiveness of the nurses, both male and female.
When I saw the pdoc on the 8th, I said everything I had to say in order to be discharged. My sister was there for the interview, and I had to cross a line with her that I didn't want to and I'm still very unsettled about. I was made to tell her more information than I ever would have. So now the relationship is pretty strained on my end. She keeps calling and emailing each day, but I don't pick up the phone or answer the emails. I crossed the line only so I could go home, and my heart sank when I did it. But if I didn't do it, I was not going to be discharged. So now I don't really want any contact with my sister. I exposed too much to her. And there's no going back....she's not going to just forget! Lol! It made me sick to my stomach to have to tell her about suicide and all my "demons". That is just so private and protected by me.....I can't deal with her knowing. She's incredibly supportive towards me, but now I know her thoughts behind those eyes will be assessing me and trying to help me. It was a line that I never would have crossed, and it was a huge mistake on the part of the pdoc. I'm going to have to distance myself from my sister for a very long time now.
And I've been having these synthesized marrocas shaking in my head since I was there. I mentioned it once, but I was just smiled at. It only stops when I'm asleep. My eyes dance with it sometimes, and darn if I'm not going to slam into a wall or have a seizure sometime. It's driving me "insane". And I don't know if it has anything to do with the marrocas in my head, but I'm having a lot of trouble understanding people. They'll be talking to me, and I can hear them....it's not that I'm going deaf or anything. But I'll think they said something different, and we end up looking strangely at each other when I respond. Lol!! I began to feel like such an idiot when I kept doing this with people. Or I can't understand what they're saying because all I hear are syllables. I have no idea what they are saying. It's a foreign language. So I have to ask them to repeat it. It's so embarrassing. And I have nightmare after nightmare when I sleep. And the majority of them have something to do with blood. It's horrible to wake up repeatedly with that fear racing through you. And they just don't stop. And I smell body odor! Lol! I'll be walking around, and it seems that I stink!! I'm thinking that people will smell me. And even after taking showers, I still can smell my body odor. I don't get what that means, but it's bothersome.
Jeepers, I did't mean to write this much. Get me near a keyboard and you can't pull me away. Lol!
Okay, I'm heading for bed. I can hardly keep my eyes open. Hopefully I'll actually sleep tonight.
Thanks for the support, everyone!
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by mystic on April 9, 2004, at 22:59:05
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on April 8, 2004, at 19:29:03
Sandy...I'm soooo glad that you are no longer upset that I contacted Dr Bob and that he was persistant in helping you ...I knew that you needed it and it was more than we could help you with..I have lived with the guilt and was sooo upset knowing that somehow I had done something that was causing you so much pain...
I lost my best friend to suicide so I'm not appoligizing for what I did...I'm telling you that you are special and people care about you..I only wish I would have been there to help my wonderful friend...God Bless you and Take care..I realize you probably wont want to talk to me or want me to post on your site...Only by accident did I find this site...I wont invade any longer just glad to hear you are doing good..I've been soooo worried...Take care and God Bless you...Mystic
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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