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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by almondjoy on March 19, 2004, at 15:53:43
hey all,
i mostly lurk/have posted a couple times, but mostly close the window instead of submitting. i could really use some perspective though,i'm kinda confused about mental illness any my relationship
my boyfriend and i have been togethr for about a year and a half, and just moved in together with his 4 year old this past december. i'm diagnosed bpd and depression, and he's known since the start about my hospitalizations and all.
the problem is he doesn't know and doesn't want to know anything about my diagnoses. at first my feelings were hurt, i want him to understand why i act out sometimes and am so moody. and i think its ridiculous that he says he can't ever tell im sick anyway. sometimes i don't eat or sleep and cry for hours. unlike when we were dating he sees it all, i can't just tell him i'll see him tomorrow. it makes me feel like he thinks im lying or faking though
i dont know whether to think my feelings are out of place bcos it doesn't matter as long as he supports me or maybe im overthinking the whole thing. but maybe the whole issue could turn into a big deal after time.
i tried to talk to him about looking at some info yesterday, to just find out that his ex wife was on medication just before they split up and he felt powerless over the situation (her change in behavior and sex drive). grrr...HER again! if that's what the whole thing boils down to...
anyway...i can deal with my dad's denial, and bs that i should just stay busy and motivated, his walk-it-off attitude; but if my guy started that, i would fall apart.am i making a big deal out of nothing ???
d
Posted by Racer on March 19, 2004, at 16:57:53
In reply to denial, river in Egypt (kinda long), posted by almondjoy on March 19, 2004, at 15:53:43
This may sound like a whole different subject, but I've been having a similar problem lately with my therapist and others. I stated to her, in what context I forget, that I am a middle aged woman. Now, I know that there are a lot of negative connotations to that: middle aged women are invisible, less attractive, past their usefulness, etc. That's not how I see it, though: I have survived more than half my expected lifespan, during that time I have acquired wisdom and experiences and skills, and I no longer have to be the cooperative child. I have EARNED the right to be an adult, by virtue of having survived the first half of my life.
And yet, rather than letting me express that, she keeps saying, "Oh, no you're not..." "Don't say that" etc. She won't even let me explain what I mean by it. Do you see the similarities I do with your situation?
I think that a lot of people feel so uncomfortable with any such subject that they hide their heads in the sand, hoping it will go away if they just don't admit it exists. You know and I know that that isn't the way it works. We don't have the luxury of denying it, we have to live it. I guess the choices I can see for your situation are to sit back and say, "Gee, I'm glad I'm not stuck in that river," or to try once more to explain to him -- not about your experience of your illness -- but that it does exist and it would help you if he would acknowledge it. He doesn't have to fix anything, you just want him to acknowledge your reality -- that you suffer from a mental illness, and that it's like diabetes in that you'll have to work at control and management, rather than looking for it to be cured. I can't promise it will help, and I can't promise that he won't throw up his hands and walk out the door. What I can promise, though, is that if you state clearly and plainly that you would like him to acknowledge your reality, you will know that you've done something to help yourself.
I do hope that helps.
Posted by almondjoy on March 21, 2004, at 4:48:53
In reply to Re: denial, river in Egypt (kinda long), posted by Racer on March 19, 2004, at 16:57:53
...thanks racer...
This is the end of the thread.
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