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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 0:19:43
Not here. But in real life. I've always hated my given name. My husband thinks I'm crazy. Well, that's a given, but he thinks I'm crazy to want to change my name. He thinks it would be a big deal. I'm not sure it would be. If someone I knew changed their name, I think I'd wonder for a minute, then just accept it. In fact, I know at least two people who were introduced to me by one name but appeared to refer to themselves by another. I didn't think it was really odd or anything. When you think of it, it's not very kind to saddle a little baby with a name they might hate. I remember wanting to go by my middle name as far back as first grade. I don't think I want that any more, because it doesn't sound good with my married name.
I think I wouldn't mind Dinah, or Hannah, or Clara, or something biblical perhaps.
Would you think it odd for a fortysomething woman to change her name? Of course, there is the fact that all my diplomas and everything have my old name. And it might be confusing at work, I guess.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2004, at 1:23:16
In reply to I'm thinking of changing my name, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 0:19:43
Dinah,
I don't think it would be really odd. But I think it would be a real hassle. All the stuff to change. All the 'splainin'. It's a really big step. What are you thinking it would be like? Would it be like being somebody new? Or starting with a clean slate?I like your choices, though. I always hated my given name too, (but I like it now). I used to like my old middle name better, but I gave it up when I got married and made my maiden name my middle name. No hypen. But people get really confused about the lack of hyphen when I sign my full name. Bah! It is a hassle, even when you get married and take the husband's name. Why don't men ever have to go through this? Bah!
Just curious about your thoughts.
gg
Posted by fallsfall on March 1, 2004, at 7:05:03
In reply to I'm thinking of changing my name, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 0:19:43
Gee, I thought your name *was* Dinah. I like it. So if you changed your name to Dinah it wouldn't be confusing for me.
It might be a little confusing for your dog, though.
You COULD always give yourself a nickname without formally changing your name. Nicknames don't have to be related to your real name (I'm still trying to remember what "Skip"s real name was).
Two of my children have nicknames that I gave them before they were born that have similarities to their given names (i.e. they start with the same letter), but certainly are not recognizable nicknames for their given names. Makes for interesting conversation - gives you something to talk about. "Hello, Gertrude?" "Yes, I am Gertrude, but I prefer to be called Edna" "Edna? That is an unusual nickname for Gertrude. How did you get that name?" "Well, if you start spelling Gertrude backwards you get the "ED" part, but I wanted my name to be more feminine than Ed - and I didn't want to get confused with the talking horse." See - 1 minute of free smalltalk!
A Dinah by any other name would still be a Dinah.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 1, 2004, at 8:35:57
In reply to I'm thinking of changing my name, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 0:19:43
Dinah, if you've always hated your given name, I say change it! You only live once, why be stuck with a name you don't like?
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 9:57:27
In reply to Re: I'm thinking of changing my name, posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2004, at 1:23:16
Hmmm... What would it be like? And why is it important to me...
I think I've always felt a lack of congruence between who I am and my name. My name is one of those that wasn't invented until well into this century, and is just a bit too modern to suit me. I think I'd do better with an old fashioned, feminine name, but with some strength and weight to it.
Plus, there are some unpleasant personal associations to the name. I had three other people with this name in my classes as I grew up, and they were so similar to each other, but so different from how I see myself. I'm sure they were all very nice people, although I only got to know one of them at all well, but all three walked hunch shouldered, stared at the ground a lot, and spoke in a whisper. So when I think of the name, I think of a lack of self confidence and self assertiveness that I've never really had. It takes a fair amount of comfort with yourself and self confidence to be as quirky as I choose to be.
Does it make a difference? Well, it might. Actors used to change their names for a reason, because people think differently about different names. Would I think differently about myself? I'm not sure. I never think of myself by name now, because I just don't like it.
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 10:05:39
In reply to Re: I'm thinking of changing my name, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 9:57:27
Well, listen to me. I've gone from being afraid I'm weird to believing I choose to be quirky. Either therapy is working, or I'm in an especially strong mood right now.
Posted by All Done on March 1, 2004, at 10:30:11
In reply to Re: I'm thinking of changing my name, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 9:57:27
I grew up using a variation of my given name and just recently, I was discussing this with my friend because I don't like the variation (which everyone, including me, uses and has always used). My parents named me after my grandma, yet called me something slightly different. I don't really understand the logic there. Anyway, she asked why I don't just start going by my given name and I told her I think I would have a difficult time getting used to hearing it myself. People have called me by my given name and sometimes I hesitate when responding. I can't imagine trying to respond to something entirely different.
That said, I think if you want to change your name, try it out for a while and see how it feels for you. The names you selected are so lovely. (I like names that have been around for a while, too.)
I worked hard at selecting a name for my son. Hopefully, I gave him one that conveys the values that are important to me, but in the end, his personality may end up not matching his name. If he wants to change it or go by a nickname, I will leave that up to him. (Unless, of course, it's when he's four and wants to be called Superman or something. Then again, I'll probably call him Superman until it wears off.) If he doesn't decide to change it until he's fortysomething, I'll just think maybe it just took him until then to discover his true self and good for him for understanding who he is.
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 11:23:58
In reply to Re: I'm thinking of changing my name » Dinah, posted by All Done on March 1, 2004, at 10:30:11
:) When we chose my son's name, we deliberately chose one that has been around for a while and collected a host of nicknames. There's one that will suit just about anything he becomes. But if he decides he wants to change it, I'd certainly understand. So far, he says he likes it. And I know I already hated my name by his age.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on March 1, 2004, at 11:40:19
In reply to Re: I'm thinking of changing my name » All Done, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 11:23:58
Dinah,
There are hastles to changing your name. They are mostly legal. Friends understand, but the largest problem I've had is with family. Parents say "But we chose that name:. Yup, and it just ain't me.
My transition is much more than just a name, but my true friends understand and love me. If someone doesn't, well that't just their tough cookies. I am me, and I can't play the part of someone else anymore. Staying in character 24/7/365 for life is much too tiring..
Go ahead, and be yourself.
Dee.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2004, at 12:07:00
In reply to Re: I'm thinking of changing my name, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 9:57:27
This makes a lot of sense. I am lucky my parents chose an old fashioned name for me. They intentionally chose names that don't lend themselves to nicknames, other than adding "ie" to the name, which no one ever does. (I kind of wish someone would :)
There was always one other girl in class, wherever I went to school, even here, with the same name, but it's not very popular, so I didn't have the same experinece you had.
Quirky is great. I'm glad you are feeling strong right now. It must be a good feeling. Do what feels right to you.gg
Posted by mair on March 1, 2004, at 16:58:41
In reply to I'm thinking of changing my name, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 0:19:43
I don't hate my name, but I do hate my nickname, given to me by my father when I was an infant. I think it's really too hard to get people to start using it now - I wish I had ditched it when I moved to where I live now and started working, but old patterns die hard.
Mair
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 16:59:56
In reply to Re: I'm thinking of changing my name, posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2004, at 12:07:00
Starting with my family and friends and therapist. Now my husband will refuse. But he almost never calls me by name anyway. And my therapist will want to explore what it means. My mom and dad will say I'm nuts and forget all the time.
But could you guys call me Dinah from here on out? lol.
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 17:08:30
In reply to Re: I'm thinking of changing my name » Dinah, posted by mair on March 1, 2004, at 16:58:41
Oooh, I was lucky there. The only possible nickname for my name suits me even less than my name does. My mother tried to call me that when I was little, and her family did as well, and it lives on in my baby book. My father converted my name to a made up nickname that didn't last beyond babyhood but managed to combat the other nickname enough that I didn't get stuck with it. In fact the way I pronounce my (now hopefully old) name is based on my father's nickname.
My mother's mythology regarding my name is that I was named for an old girlfriend of my father's and that she always hated the name. My father says she's nuts.
I could probably live with my middle name even though it doesn't sound good with my married name, but it's a variant of my mother's name and it's bad enough that I look like her. :(
Posted by tabitha on March 1, 2004, at 22:22:55
In reply to I'm thinking of changing my name, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 0:19:43
I thought of changing my name for years. I even had my best friend call me by the new name. I don't think my real name fits me too well.. to me it's sort of a bimbo-ish name, and it has the baggage of my mom telling me that my dad over-ruled her first choice of a name, and this was a compromise.
My therapist ruined the impulse, by asking me what type of person I'd be with the new name, and asking why I couldn't just be that person without the name change. Drat.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 2, 2004, at 10:01:39
In reply to Re: I'm going to try it out, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2004, at 16:59:56
Dinah, so how's it going, day 2 of the name change? Do you feel like a new woman? A person's name is VERY important. It projects how other see you and possibly how you see yourself.
I love my name. I'll out myself here - Laurel. My last name (which is not Honeychurch, that is based on an EM Forster novel)fits perfectly with it and I sound like a movie star.
Do you have any other names in the running besides Dinah? Am I the only one on earth who loves the name Clementine? Or Iris? I love "old fashioned" names.
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 17:16:38
In reply to Re: I'm going to try it out, posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 2, 2004, at 10:01:39
I think Clara is my next favorite. Although I also remembered Phoebe and Abigail. But I'm going with Dinah. (I like Clementine too.)
The results so far. My husband snorted and continued to call me nothing at all. I was too busy in therapy to mention it, although I've brought up the subject in the past. I decided I didn't want to corrupt my new name by using it at work. And my parents are too busy with the latest crisis with my brother. My mom is driving over today to pick up his truck from the base it's parked at. He says he's being shipped out to Afghanistan.
Laurel is a gorgeous name! I don't blame you for loving it. (Of course, I adore Miss Honeychurch as well. It gives a great visual image.)
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 2, 2004, at 17:33:43
In reply to Re: I'm going to try it out » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 17:16:38
I love Clara too, as well as Clare. And Dinah is such a strong name, I have always loved it.
I use Honeychurch in restaurants too. I love to hear it called out in public. Sometimes I use Jagger and Copperfield as well.
And I've been thinking about this. A lot of women change their last name when they get married and people adjust. They can also adjust to a new first name. I really admire you for experimenting with this.
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