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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 1:20:13
It seems like there's nothing worth doing. All day all I managed to do was dress, shower, feed the cat, drink coffee, and eat a little snack. Nothing else except sleeping and crying. I get off the computer and just sit there, so I get back on. No excuse. My starter is broken.
Kinda sounds like I need a med check doesn't it? I'm hoping this will break. Holidays are bad. I just feel like I can't get through the next few weeks. I just want to sleep until January, but there's really nothing to look forward to beyond that either. I have to do stuff. My therapist is going to nag me this week.
Posted by zenhussy on December 16, 2003, at 1:30:38
In reply to Lethargy, she's got the better of me, posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 1:20:13
> It seems like there's nothing worth doing. All day all I managed to do was dress, shower, feed the cat, drink coffee, and eat a little snack. Nothing else except sleeping and crying. I get off the computer and just sit there, so I get back on. No excuse. My starter is broken.
> Kinda sounds like I need a med check doesn't it? I'm hoping this will break. Holidays are bad. I just feel like I can't get through the next few weeks. I just want to sleep until January, but there's really nothing to look forward to beyond that either. I have to do stuff. My therapist is going to nag me this week.Tabitha,
You beat me today by showering and feeding a feline as opposed to a canine. I was feeling fairly good about my meager accomplishments today......ya know why? Cuz this time of year sucks!! I think you noted somewhere above to cut yourself some slack in this icky Dec-Jan period.
What do you need from here? A jump start? Ok, who's got boosters long enough to reach Tabitha's pc? ; )
I know you can get through the next few weeks. It ain't gonna be easy but you've got lots of company right here in good ol' babble-lonia.
Perhaps the meds do need a little tweak. Make that call. As far as the nagging therapist...that is so not conducive (imnsho) to assisting one in getting through these horrordaze, I mean holidays.
Try to work a few deeeeeeeep breaths in there between the crying, cat feeding, and therapist nagging would ya?
I hope you can see I'm trying to be light and remind you to be gentle and kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness you extend to many others here. You are as deserving of it as any of us.
Please take care.
zh
Posted by slinky on December 16, 2003, at 2:17:19
In reply to Lethargy, she's got the better of me, posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 1:20:13
Who knows..gender is in eye of beholder.
Maybe you need a med change if Lethargy stays and gets comfy on the couch.
I got a pharmacy box I'm a~tweaking n~freaking to
get my brain into gear.
Sleeping is healing-well usually..and crying .
Posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 2:37:49
In reply to Re: time for some kindness to oneself » tabitha, posted by zenhussy on December 16, 2003, at 1:30:38
Thank you for understanding. I couldn't take it any more so I hung up a few clothes that have been on the floor since october. Looked for room to put away the box of halloween stuff, but I saw a bug in the closet. Realized I needed to open the boxes and put in borax powder... too much trouble.. do it tomorrow. But it's a start.
Posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 2:42:51
In reply to Lethargy A she? » tabitha, posted by slinky on December 16, 2003, at 2:17:19
everything is a she. I'm over-identified with females, according to my therapist. I might as well get the most of it until my eyes are opened and I realize we're all s/he and it's a lovely world.
Lethargy is very comfy on the couch. Lethargy would like no more than to spend its life there. But I'm glad your brain is tweaking to the bright side these days.
Posted by fallsfall on December 16, 2003, at 7:16:06
In reply to Re: Lethargy A she?, posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 2:42:51
I think I'm doing well when I think of something that I might do sometime in the future (like sweep the trash and dog hair off my floor). I don't actually DO those things, but having the desire (for 5 minutes) to even have it be done is an accomplishment.
Taking a shower is SO hard.
My doctor told me to walk for 15 minutes before I went back to bed after I saw him. I burst into tears.
I don't know if I'll do what has to be done to give my kids a "good" christmas. At least they are old enough (youngest is 15) so maybe it won't scar them for life.
Aren't we having fun?
Posted by Emme on December 16, 2003, at 7:50:47
In reply to Lethargy, she's got the better of me, posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 1:20:13
I hear ya. My apt. looks like a tornado went through because it's just too much bother to do things like put the phone book back in its place...
Posted by Dinah on December 16, 2003, at 9:24:07
In reply to Lethargy, she's got the better of me, posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 1:20:13
I'm sorry. :( The crying part does sound like it might be time for a med tweaking. The sleep part sounds like my life.
Maybe a too long sabbatical doesn't agree with you. I can't imagine such a thing, myself (wry grin), but perhaps it's possible.
Hope you feel a bit better today.
Posted by Wildflower on December 16, 2003, at 10:08:33
In reply to Lethargy, she's got the better of me, posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 1:20:13
(((Tabitha)))
Looking through your post, it looks like you've accomplished more than you're willing to give yourself credit for. You've managed to
dress, shower, feed the cat, nourish yourself, hang up a few clothes, looked for room to put away the box of halloween stuff... All of that is a great start. Perhaps you can add one task per day to that list.Holidays are so hard for many of us. Please try to fight the urge to sleep - post to us instead. Who knows, we may even have a story or two that may give you a chuckle. ;-)
Posted by noa on December 16, 2003, at 18:21:21
In reply to Lethargy A she? » tabitha, posted by slinky on December 16, 2003, at 2:17:19
Tab, I'm sorry you're feeling low. Maybe some winter blues? We are just upon the winter solstice this week, are we not?
I gotta share a comic thought re "Lethargy" as a she image:
I suddenly wondered what the Delacroix painting of "Liberte leading the people" would look like if recast with Lethargy in place of Liberty?
See http://www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/delacroix/liberte/liberty.jpg
for the original.
Can we envision this one, friends?
Posted by noa on December 16, 2003, at 18:22:59
In reply to Re: Lethargy A she?, posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 2:42:51
the chores you did is more than a start! You get more done when in a depressed mood than I ever get done, no matter the mood!!
Posted by noa on December 16, 2003, at 18:25:20
In reply to Re: Lethargy, she's got the better of me » tabitha, posted by Emme on December 16, 2003, at 7:50:47
I got phone books meshing with discarded food boxes, meshing with dirty clothes, coming dangerously close to meshing with clean clothes, meshing with all kinds of sundry household implements meshing in no particular logical groupings with mail--unopened, opened, partially discarded, or at leasted I intended to discard, mail, etc. etc.
Posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 18:31:26
In reply to Re: Lethargy A she?, posted by noa on December 16, 2003, at 18:21:21
Lethargy is a slouchy woman in baggy clothes with stringy gray hair-- a bit like the evil queen's peasant woman disguise in Snow White. Lethargy does NOT wear lipstick, her hair has no sheen, her clothes are not form-fitting. Her teeth do not sparkle. She does not giggle or twirl her hair around her finger or cross her stockinged legs while her shiny black pump hangs off her toe. She shuffles around the house in a tatty robe and slippers. She does not brandish a decorative sword. She carries a stick she picked up off the ground and should really put in the trash bin. Lethargy bemoans the dust that surrounds her but feels no need to wipe it away. Lethargy sinks ever floor-ward. No taut muscles holding her up. No white twitch fibers springing her into action. Lethargy is Jaba the Hut on her sofa surrounded by soda cans and balls of yarn. Lethargy screens her calls.
Posted by noa on December 16, 2003, at 19:41:17
In reply to Re: Lethargy A she? » noa, posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 18:31:26
YOu've just described me to a T!
Posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 22:40:25
In reply to Re: Lethargy A she? » tabitha, posted by noa on December 16, 2003, at 19:41:17
Take my hand Noa. We're going to go into the bathroom, comb our hair (at least 5 strokes!) and apply some lipstick. There now doesn't that look nice? Now let's go back to the sofa and feel good about our accomplishment.
Posted by Psychopoppy on December 17, 2003, at 0:51:23
In reply to Re: Lethargy A she? » noa, posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 22:40:25
The WOW is for the realization that there actually ARE other people whose lives are so similar to mine (sniff, sniff )
The I HAD NO IDEA refers to -- All this time I was really beginning to think that I must be the only one who's depression has made me unable to even have a job and look like all those other "normal" folk I see from my 8th floor window, rushing down the street in their nice leather coats and cool sling bags, off to be in their nice comfy chair by 9.00 Am, making phone calls, getting coffee from the machine in the office hallway.
Actually...I dont really think I'll ever be one of them even when I'm better (a gift of depression... to realize that)The THANKS is for sharing your lives and being strong enough to be so forthcoming and honest about who you really are and how your day unfolds. There aren't many like you, who would have the courage to say.."this is who I really am...no prentenses, no cover-ups, no BS"
I sleep around 12-14 hrs a day (gotten worse with effexor) although the mood is more stable so its a double-edge sword that effexor. On a day when I do the groceries and manage to cook a nice meal for myself and my hubby.... I consider that a huge day ! Thank goodness my hubby understands and supports me or else i'd be out on the streets maybe ! who knows...its a scary thought ...what would happen if he wasnt supporting me right now... that thought alone is enough to make be bawl and curl up and disappear into the blankie for a few hours :(
oh, its a new battle each day and I am thankful to be alive, to be intelligent, to be courageous and to be honest with myself to allow this to take its course and not try to push things and crash...just heal slowly and hope, hope, hope !
I think that the first and foremost battle is to get over the guilt and self-resentment. And then to just do one or more things each day that give us pleasure...whatever it maybe...like walk in the woods or go to bookstore and read or go up the mountain and look at the view or go to a cafe and have tea with a friend who understands and respects you...or eat ice-cream, or watch a great show or movie on TV and not feel any guilt about that, or paint a little or sew something cute on a piece of cloth......just look at, hear, smell, feel, touch, or taste something beautiful...without any guilt or sadness.
These are my present short-term goals. The rest...well, I dont need to know.....I can wait until I am ready to know.
You guys are superb and wholesome. For goodness sakes, always stay that way
:-)
Posted by tabitha on December 17, 2003, at 2:07:17
In reply to Re: WOW, I had no idea. Thanks !, posted by Psychopoppy on December 17, 2003, at 0:51:23
> I think that the first and foremost battle is to get over the guilt and self-resentment. And then to just do one or more things each day that give us pleasure...whatever it maybe...like walk in the woods or go to bookstore and read or go up the mountain and look at the view or go to a cafe and have tea with a friend who understands and respects you...or eat ice-cream, or watch a great show or movie on TV and not feel any guilt about that, or paint a little or sew something cute on a piece of cloth......just look at, hear, smell, feel, touch, or taste something beautiful...without any guilt or sadness.
Now that is a beautiful statement. I think anyone, depressed or not, would be fortunate to live by that philosophy. Others with more steady energy supplies can do more in a day.. but it can still just be a lot of busy-ness, you know? You've reminded me, meaning comes in small bits, moments. I had one good moment today sitting on the sofa knitting-- the needles were clicking and the house was surrounded by crows cawing. I heard them in all directions and saw a couple through the curtain and I felt alive, connected to nature, and at peace. One moment like that can justify a whole day. Or a week.
Posted by truman on December 20, 2003, at 11:46:53
In reply to Re: Lethargy A she?, posted by tabitha on December 16, 2003, at 2:42:51
I tried to read all of the responses, but of course I never do it in order, then I hit my back button, my forward button, and finally I end up reading the same reply 15 times and probably miss all of the others. Point being, maybe you mentioned it but what meds are you on? Just Effexor? I started Wellbutrin and Ritalin awhile ago, and I am now bordering on functional, which is saying a lot for me. I know this isn't the meds board, but you remind me of myself a few months ago, and I'm hoping this may help. A little inspiration for you: this morning I missed my bowl and spilled a liberal amount of Rice Krispies on the floor. I proceeded to stare blankly at the pile for only a few minutes before I actually removed the vacuum from the closet, swept up the cereal, then returned the vacuum to the closet. I am hoping you can appreciate how astonished I was when I realized what I had done....Especially considering it was not long ago that I was only managing to throw my laundry into the dryer once the smell of molding wet clothes in the washer became too overwhelming to bear. Hang in there!
Posted by tabitha on December 20, 2003, at 16:23:15
In reply to Re: Lethargy A she?, posted by truman on December 20, 2003, at 11:46:53
I'm on just a dab of celexa. I'd been doing well for months but since I posted this I'm starting to realize it may not be right anymore. I kept hoping it was just holiday blues.. but maybe it's another slow dive into depression.
Your rice krispies story is familiar. One day last week the cat's water dish was empty and I thought oh well, she can drink from the puddles in the street. I couldn't imagine actually picking it up, rinsing and refilling it. After a couple days I finally did. (the cat is fine BTW). Yet yesterday I spilled coca-cola all over the rug, the sofa, a pile of pillows, some papers and art supplies, a throw, and my skirt. I managed to immediately sop it up, wipe everything off, and launder the throw, the pillow cover, and my skirt, and put the soaked paper towels in the trash. I was honestly surprised I did this.
I'm so glad you're doing better with your new combo. Thanks for the reminder that lethargy is often med-related.
This is the end of the thread.
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