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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kristen_03 on October 17, 2003, at 17:56:46
Hi
I hope everyone has had a nice week.I havent been here in a few days.(have missed you all)..I really dont know where to start with this ,but here goes. I have been dealing with Depression/Anxiety for the past 15 yrs.ave been on Zoloft for the past 10 yrs which it has helped with about 75 percent of my depression and 90 percent of my panic attacks.About a month ago I stopped taking my Zoloft cold turkey, For what reason ,I have no clue...shortly thereafter I had a panic attack and started sinking really fast.I started the Zoloft again about 2 weeks ago,and have been slowly feeling better again till today...Had a mild panic attack a while ago,and have just been really low today...Feel like Im back at square one again..feeling like oh no...its not gonna work again..Im not gonna get better again...My husband and I have been married for 10 yrs and have had lots of ups and downs...One of the side effects of the zoloft is that I have no sexual desire at all, which even causes more problems in my marriage. My husband tries to be supportive, but then he gets frustrated with me and says that I have to change because he cant live like this anymore...I feel that its like he is telling me if I dont change ,he wants to leave. I just really dont know what to do. He makes me resent him everytime he makes remarks like that..I have told him to please seek some support and help for himself, that I cant fix myself, yet alone fix him and what my depression does to his life....I know he Loves me ,and I love him as well ,but he is so unhappy with who I am (or who Im not) and how I make him feel... please give some feedback about this because I really feel like Im mentally on overload right now....Thank you for allowing me to vent and for taking time to respond..Have a great weekend..Kristen L
Posted by fallsfall on October 18, 2003, at 15:05:34
In reply to Marriage Vs Depression, posted by Kristen_03 on October 17, 2003, at 17:56:46
I think the idea of him getting some help in dealing with the stresses of your depression is very valid. If he is hesitant, try to get him to see that you KNOW you are difficult, so it's not that he is dumb or a failure - he just has a harder job than most.
I'm glad you are back on your Zoloft. If the sexual side effects are as important to your marriage as I am thinking they are, then maybe you should talk to your pdoc about trying something else (though when you have an antidepressant that really works, you kind of hate to try something else!). If you switched meds, that would also tell your husband that you are hearing what he is saying and taking it seriously, and that you are willing to work for the marriage.
Good Luck
Posted by deirdrehbrt on October 18, 2003, at 21:14:52
In reply to Marriage Vs Depression, posted by Kristen_03 on October 17, 2003, at 17:56:46
Kristen,
I echo everything that Fallsfall said. She is quite wise.
I was married to someone who couldn't handle my oddities. Though we wouldn't have stayed together anyway, my mental health issues really got in the way.
We did go to counseling together, and it did help quite alot. Though we could'nt salvage our marriage, we learned to communicate better, and in the end we have been able to understand each other, and this has been a great help for our kids.
I don't think that you've let things go for as long as we had. We were in our 15th year before we divorced, and for most of that time, problems were stuffed away. We learned only after divorce was inescapable that we needed to communicate better.
I think that your thoughts on therapy for the both of you is probably the best decision you could make. Perhaps if you let your husband know that therapy with you will bring you both to a deeper level of intimacy, and that that can only improve your relationship might just give him some hope.
Talking about meds with your P-doc might also help your relationship. Let your husband know what is going on, and what avenues you are exploring. Keep him aware and involved.
Maybe you can ask him if you can help him through this dry spell in other ways. Help him to feel special and loved. I'm certain that this relationship is by far the most important that you have. Let your husband know that you see it that way.
I really hope that things work out for you,
Dee.
Posted by Kristen_03 on October 21, 2003, at 19:24:40
In reply to Re: Marriage Vs Depression » Kristen_03, posted by deirdrehbrt on October 18, 2003, at 21:14:52
Hello Dee
Sorry Its taken me so long to respond back,has been a hectic week here for me.Thank You for sharing with me.Youve helped me see a lot and given me some hope that I thought I no longer had...Take care & God Bless..
((((DEE)))))Kristen L
Posted by Kristen_03 on October 21, 2003, at 19:29:20
In reply to Re: Marriage Vs Depression » Kristen_03, posted by fallsfall on October 18, 2003, at 15:05:34
Hi Fallsfall
Hope you are doing well.Thank you for responding back..Your support and encouragement helps me more than you can know.Sometimes I could just throw my hands up and say **** it,but the uplifting support makes it a lot easier to keep on keepin on...Thank You so much!!!
Take care & God Bless((((Fallsfall)))
Kristen L
Posted by femlite on October 26, 2003, at 0:21:56
In reply to Re: Marriage Vs Depression » deirdrehbrt, posted by Kristen_03 on October 21, 2003, at 19:24:40
Hi Dee,
Please forgive me if my advice is contrary (as it sometimes is) and "out in left feild" and as it always is.
First or second marraige, no marriage will withstand a parner feeling they have a right to dangling a knife over the head of the other partner if things dont go their way. (The knife beeing I'll leave if you dont change.) This is serious, and will tear apart a relationship faster than any thing I know. It is conterproductive and completly destroys the trust in the marriage. If this a real relationship based on commitment, care and TRUST? (and what relationship shouldnt be?) TRUST is the only thing a marriage can stand on, and DONT you believe other wise. His knife dangling trick is an imature and desperate way to toget your attetion. He may get it But what at price to the marriage?. There has to be commitant to not resort to these low levels of negotiation and attention getting again before they destroy what precious little foundation of trust is left.
The emotional vow of marriage TRUST has to be kept sacred and all else will follow. (so does this mean I never use my credit card w/o hubyy's kowledge, ocassionally, nothing major, but i know He really loves me, and sometimes I even feel bad. We have basic trust built through years of working at it.
You have the right to explain how you feel about what he is doing to you,(hang over yout the threat of seperation whenever you dont measure up, (in other words blackmail) every time hes unhappy with the marriage, this low blow is destroying your ability to trust his commitmment to this relationship.
IN NO RELATIONSHIP ARE BOTH PEOPLE WHOLETheres always one who is more needy and by nature more creative and sometimes more fun. Then theres alwasys the one who is steady and strong.
Get Dr Phils Books on "Marraige RX" (in crisis) I dont remember the exact name, but one of the myths he lists, is that both partners have to emotionally sound for a marriage to work.
We made a voew early on that the "D" word was not allowed. It forced us to work through our difficulties.Changing partners very rarley changes the problems (uless abuse in invloved) You are the intresting one remember? YOu may not feel like it today, but your in good company, dont forget it. As it has been so eloquently stateded before me, get him to read, to talk to someone,listen to others, but realize YOU have something to offer.
If he just wont listen to reason, hog time and send him to afgahnistan for a month of two, then maybe he'll appreciate you. (Im kidding of course:)
Best to you
lots of prayers> Hello Dee
> Sorry Its taken me so long to respond back,has been a hectic week here for me.Thank You for sharing with me.Youve helped me see a lot and given me some hope that I thought I no longer had...Take care & God Bless..
> ((((DEE)))))
>
> Kristen L
Posted by kristen_03 on October 27, 2003, at 9:35:12
In reply to Re: Marriage Vs Depression » Kristen_03, posted by femlite on October 26, 2003, at 0:21:56
Hi..I just wanted to say how very much I needed to hear this..opened my eyes to so much about my relationship with my husband...Thanks again ,All who responded
Kristen
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