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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Wildflower on October 3, 2003, at 9:42:44
I'm really not sure where to start with this post. I've been dealing with this issue for a while and it keeps eating away at me so I'm going to post it for others to ponder.
How do you explain to others that your depression is not caused by them and that you just can't snap out of it? My ex - the only true friend I have right now - insists that I should not be depressed as long as he's around. He's taking my depression personally. According to him, depression is for the weak and it's easy to rid just like a bad mood. Whatever.
It kills me that I can't talk to him about things and I feel that I have to fake a good mood just to see him. He won't even continue a phone conversation with me if I pick up the phone and sound depressed. I'm having a rough time at work and it's totally zapping what little energy I have. The combo of my ex plus work is making me a crazed person and all I want to do is withdraw from everyone and everything.
I'm tired of being tired all of the time. I'm tired of being moody. I'm tired of making excuses. I'm tired of crying in silence.
I really need your advice. I don't have any close friends other than him. I don't want to lose him and be totally alone but I'm having a rough time dealing with all of this. The only other person who knows my situation is my cousin and she's often too busy with her boyfriend to help me.
Posted by fallsfall on October 3, 2003, at 17:54:44
In reply to Any ideas on how to keep me sane?, posted by Wildflower on October 3, 2003, at 9:42:44
It is really hard for people who haven't been depressed to understand it. Sometimes education can help, there are lots of web sites and books. It might help if you tell him that the two of you have different ideas about depression, but that there are some things that you know are helpful and some things that aren't. Then tell him what you need as clearly as you can. No guarantees, but he's more likely to give you what you need if he knows what that is.
Join a Depression Support Group. It helps to talk to people who really do understand.
Posted by Dinah on October 3, 2003, at 20:58:10
In reply to Any ideas on how to keep me sane?, posted by Wildflower on October 3, 2003, at 9:42:44
Some people just can't cope with it. If you try and he can't, then I think you just need to accept that he won't be there for you in this area. :(
That's why I hire a professional. My husband can't deal with it, my son shouldn't have to. So my therapist stands guard between us.
Posted by Wildflower on October 3, 2003, at 22:52:08
In reply to Any ideas on how to keep me sane?, posted by Wildflower on October 3, 2003, at 9:42:44
Thanks for he advice. Everything worked itself out and he ended our friendship noting that he can't deal with my mood swings and constant doom and gloom.
It couldn't be better timing...this weekend is my b-day and my doc is on vacation for the next week. :'-(
Im so frickin frustrated right now I don't know what to do.
Posted by Adia on October 3, 2003, at 22:55:03
In reply to Any ideas on how to keep me sane?, posted by Wildflower on October 3, 2003, at 9:42:44
Hi Wildflower,
It's hard for other people to understand...if they haven't experienced this or don't know...
My boyfriend tells me exactly the same thing, he gets angry if he finds out I spent the day in bed or if I can't leave my house for days...he thinks I should get over things and feel happy at least when he is with me. He can't understand.
I think that giving him information is really important for him to be able to understand more...
Do you have a therapist?
I try to lean on my therapist and on a few close friends who do understand....
I feel terrible when my b/f gets angry because I am not smiling all the time and full of energy, but I try not to be so hard on myself and I try to explain as best as I can. Maybe it would help if you gave him more information...a book....a website to check..
I am sorry that he isn't more supportive...
I have tried to write to my b/f so he could understand and that helped....because pretending all the time that everything's fine is so painful. :o(
I hope you find more understanding...
Sending you lots of support,
Adia.
> I'm really not sure where to start with this post. I've been dealing with this issue for a while and it keeps eating away at me so I'm going to post it for others to ponder.
>
> How do you explain to others that your depression is not caused by them and that you just can't snap out of it? My ex - the only true friend I have right now - insists that I should not be depressed as long as he's around. He's taking my depression personally. According to him, depression is for the weak and it's easy to rid just like a bad mood. Whatever.
>
> It kills me that I can't talk to him about things and I feel that I have to fake a good mood just to see him. He won't even continue a phone conversation with me if I pick up the phone and sound depressed. I'm having a rough time at work and it's totally zapping what little energy I have. The combo of my ex plus work is making me a crazed person and all I want to do is withdraw from everyone and everything.
>
> I'm tired of being tired all of the time. I'm tired of being moody. I'm tired of making excuses. I'm tired of crying in silence.
>
> I really need your advice. I don't have any close friends other than him. I don't want to lose him and be totally alone but I'm having a rough time dealing with all of this. The only other person who knows my situation is my cousin and she's often too busy with her boyfriend to help me.
>
>
Posted by Adia on October 3, 2003, at 23:03:34
In reply to Re: Any ideas on how to keep me sane?, posted by Wildflower on October 3, 2003, at 22:52:08
Ohh I am so sorry to hear this... :o(
I had written the other post without knowing this...
I am really sorry he didn't understand and that on top of that your doc is on vacation...
When my therapist leaves and things get overwhelming I try to write to her and that helps me feel less lonely..to know she will come back eventually and I will share with her somehow.
Is there any other friend you can turn for support..?
I am so sorry things are so hard right now.
I know we haven't talked before but I am sending you lots and lots of support from here...
Take gentle care,
Adia.> It couldn't be better timing...this weekend is my b-day and my doc is on vacation for the next week. :'-(
>
> Im so frickin frustrated right now I don't know what to do.
Posted by yabba on October 4, 2003, at 0:43:17
In reply to Re: Any ideas on how to keep me sane?, posted by Wildflower on October 3, 2003, at 22:52:08
That doesn't really sound like much of a friend to me.. I guess I'm in the same boat though. I have a couple of friends but they're not very good ones either. Not only that but I get bored of them because I get bored of people who don't have any empathy for other people. They don't actually do anything against me but I know I couldn't count on them for much.
What do you think is the cause of your depression? Was it because of an incident or is it biological you think?
Posted by Wildflower on October 4, 2003, at 10:33:07
In reply to Re: Any ideas on how to keep me sane?, posted by yabba on October 4, 2003, at 0:43:17
> That doesn't really sound like much of a friend to me.. I guess I'm in the same boat though. I have a couple of friends but they're not very good ones either. Not only that but I get bored of them because I get bored of people who don't have any empathy for other people. They don't actually do anything against me but I know I couldn't count on them for much.
>
> What do you think is the cause of your depression? Was it because of an incident or is it biological you think?I suppose in the end he's really not good for me to be around. However, thingsare soooo hard for me without him around. He was the only person that understood me. I have acquaintances but no one I can trust. I feel so lonely and empty right now.
I think my depression is due to a long string of (relationship) events that ripped apart my self esteem. I'm just hoping tat one day my bad luck will improve an someone can love me who I am.
Posted by Wildflower on October 4, 2003, at 10:37:36
In reply to Re: Any ideas on how to keep me sane? » Wildflower, posted by Adia on October 3, 2003, at 23:03:34
Thank you fo your support Adia.
No, there's really no one that I can turn to for help right now. The conversation with my ex got so bad last night that I asked my cousin to come pick me up from my "date". We were out on a dinner cruise when he told me this. Nice, huh? She was supportive and listened but she really ddn't now how to help me...
> Ohh I am so sorry to hear this... :o(
> I had written the other post without knowing this...
> I am really sorry he didn't understand and that on top of that your doc is on vacation...
> When my therapist leaves and things get overwhelming I try to write to her and that helps me feel less lonely..to know she will come back eventually and I will share with her somehow.
> Is there any other friend you can turn for support..?
> I am so sorry things are so hard right now.
> I know we haven't talked before but I am sending you lots and lots of support from here...
> Take gentle care,
> Adia.
Posted by fallsfall on October 4, 2003, at 11:33:28
In reply to Re: Any ideas on how to keep me sane?, posted by Wildflower on October 3, 2003, at 22:52:08
Happy Birthday (or Happy Day Before Birthday)!!
Doctors should check with us before scheduling vacations. And they should be willing to cancel their vacation if we need them. (End of dream)
If any of your acquaintances have had a break up recently, they might be able to sympathize with you. Even if you can only get part of your needs met, that is better than nothing. Sometimes just having human contact is what is important.
Does your "doc" (therapist?) have someone covering for them? Or, when my therapist is on vacation I still have a pdoc and a GP I could go to see. I know that it isn't the same. But particularly with therapists, I've been amazed at how helpful someone I have never met before can be if I'm in a really hard place.
Find a support group to go to next week.
Post early and often! We'll help you through.
Posted by octopusprime on October 4, 2003, at 12:58:05
In reply to Re: Any ideas on how to keep me sane? » Adia, posted by Wildflower on October 4, 2003, at 10:37:36
Wildflower - fallsfall is right, as always. There are those of us on this board who have lost loved ones, perhaps we can help you.
Your cousin did her best when she did this:
> She was supportive and listened but she really ddn't now how to help me...I don't think anybody could help you right then, Wildflower. You just heard the devastating news that you lost somebody you loved. It hurts. There's no rescue, only recovery. Recovery will happen, but it's Wildflower's doing (with the help of supportive listeners). Unfortunately, supportive listeners can't do the hard work for us. (I wish! :p)
I felt very alone when I lost my best friend last year. After a year and a half, I have not recreated the intimacy I had with my old friend with another person, but I'm not alone either. I've grown to rely on myself a bit more. I've changed.
Grieve for your lost friend and former lover. Take solace in the silence that fills the spaces where your arguments were. Keep a journal, write down the conversations you would have had with him. You understand yourself so much better than he ever did. Confide in yourself.
Take it one day at a time. Spoil yourself rotten. Be well and be strong.
Posted by HannahW on October 4, 2003, at 15:54:38
In reply to Re: Any ideas on how to keep me sane? » yabba, posted by Wildflower on October 4, 2003, at 10:33:07
>>He was the only person that understood me.
It doesn't *sound* like he understood you, since he couldn't understand your depression, which is a significant part of you right now. But I know how partial understanding is better than none at all.
I'm sorry this is happening. I totally empathize with feeling lonely and alone. You just have to make it until your therapist comes back, right? How long is that? Can you see him/her more often for a while?
Posted by whyamihere on October 5, 2003, at 5:39:55
In reply to Re: Any ideas on how to keep me sane? » Wildflower, posted by HannahW on October 4, 2003, at 15:54:38
Hi Wildflower: I understand your depression, and have been through at least two similar circumstances. You are going through the very acute and painful stage of the loss of the relationship; As one who has been through that scenario, I can tell you this: It will go away, but it takes time! You will keep your sanity, simply because you are trying to keep it! That means you are still feisty and fighting. Go ahead and cry...there is an old saying that our tears help us to see more clearly. Keep posting..don't stop! It is also helpful to write things down as has been suggested. So...hang in there...nothing stays the same forever. Stay blessed..
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