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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan J on August 18, 2003, at 11:32:38
Please help.
I share an office with a woman who drives me up the wall. She has no sense of boundaries -- listens in, and comments on, my phone conversations. Reads my e-mail. Rifles through my work and personal stuff in my office. Asks me very personal questions, and shares way too much personal detail about herself. And thinks we are the best of friends.
I've been polite, but firm about the behavior I don't want her to exhibit. I've asked for a new office (many times), but my boss has yet to act on that.
Unfortunately, this woman and I travel in the same social circles as well. We were all out Saturday night at dinner, and she insulted my family!
She thought we were great friends, and I've been pulling away (for a year!). She's chosen to respond to this in a very passive-agressive manner, by doing backhanded insults. She says she's just kidding - that it is her sarcastic nature.
I ignore her now, but her insulting my family was really low. I looked at her like she was an idiot and then pointedly changed the topic of conversation.
But I need help dealing with her. I deal with major depression, and dealing with her is NOT helping! Dealing with her has really made my work product suffer, and I don't know how to deal effectively with her without burning professional bridges. I don't care now if I hurt her feelings. Being polite didn't do the job....but I don't want to be unprofessional.
Is there a way to get her away from me, to stop insulting me, stop insulting my family, and generally making my life miserable?
Think she's "trying" to make me miserable?
Help?
Posted by Tabitha on August 18, 2003, at 13:39:37
In reply to Advice for Dealing with Horrible Coworker???, posted by Susan J on August 18, 2003, at 11:32:38
what a nightmare! If I were in this situation I'd forget getting the woman to behave better and focus on getting out of that office, NOW. Have you made a really strong case for needing to move out with your boss? Did you tell him/her the details such as having your personal stuff disturbed? Is there an HR representative you can talk with? It sounds like this woman is really interfering with your ability to do your job.
Posted by Susan J on August 18, 2003, at 13:56:56
In reply to Re: Advice for Dealing with Horrible Coworker???, posted by Tabitha on August 18, 2003, at 13:39:37
> what a nightmare!
<<Good, so it's not just me? My boss isn't "getting" how much this bothers me...>> Have you made a really strong case for needing to move out with your boss? Did you tell him/her the details such as having your personal stuff disturbed?
<<I've told him the details, plus how she just stands in my doorway and stares at me. Sometimes, I shut the little door between our "spaces" and I can see her shadow hovering under the door. She's just standing in front of my door, doing I-don't-know-what. Eavesdropping? Getting up the courage to knock?I've told him how she'll sit in my office and not leave, even though I ask her to. How she insults me, says negative things about me, etc. He just says, "well consider the source."
I was on the phone about a home-equity loan one day, and didn't want to disclose some finanical information within coworker's earshot, and she asked me when I got off the phone if it was about a job interview. I said no. She asked what then? I said I preferred not to talk about it. She asked later that day if it was a job interview with so-and-so? I said no. She had the blippin nerve to ask me when she got back from vacation, 'so how'd your job interview go?'
Errrrrrr.
An office opened up a month ago, a specific office that I asked for. It's not as nice as mine (I have a window), and my boss put someone else in there (with less seniority than me). I called him on it, and he said, "well, you don't want to give up your window, do you?">>Is there an HR representative you can talk with? It sounds like this woman is really interfering with your ability to do your job.
<<Good point. Never thought of that. Our HR isnt that effective, but it would be the next official step in the chain of complaints, huh?Thanks!
Posted by deirdrehbrt on August 19, 2003, at 21:18:19
In reply to Re: Advice for Dealing with Horrible Coworker??? » Tabitha, posted by Susan J on August 18, 2003, at 13:56:56
It sounds like your boss doesn't either know or care that your performance is suffering because of this creepy cow-orker. (Phrase borrowed from Dilbert)
You sound like you are trying to remain polite to this person, even when you are trying to change her behavior to you. It might be time to tell it like it is. Some people think that as long as you are being polite, that you have no problems with what they are doing. You might just have to let-fly with what you really think. I'm sure, that traveling in the same social circles, the majority of the people in those circles understand her much like you do. If she attempts retribution after you speak to her, that your friends will know what is really going on. You boss seems to already. Dealing with her directly might be quicker than going through the system.
Dee.
Posted by Dinah on August 19, 2003, at 21:24:38
In reply to Re: Advice for Dealing with Horrible Coworker???, posted by deirdrehbrt on August 19, 2003, at 21:18:19
And please forgive me if I'm mistaken about not seeing you around lately. I always blame the psych meds. :)
Posted by deirdrehbrt on August 19, 2003, at 23:30:54
In reply to Nice to see you again. How've you been? » deirdrehbrt, posted by Dinah on August 19, 2003, at 21:24:38
You can blame the meds, I'll blame the DID and we'll all have a great time. :-) Thanks for asking.
I don't post really often, partially because I don't have time to read through all of the posts here; it's a busy board, and my attention span isn't at all what it used to be.
I spend some time on other boards too, NEEDID exchange, and isurvive, so I'm afraid that my attention is divided as well as short. Maybe I'll mention that to my P-doc.
I am trying to spend a bit more time, so I hope to be around a bit more.
Dee.
This is the end of the thread.
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