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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by yesac on August 8, 2003, at 17:15:56
Oh you guys... why does it have to be like this? I haven't been doing too well this past week, well, longer actually. Not horrible horrible in that at least I haven't been really thinking about suicide at all, but that is more because, at least at this time - well, I don't know really. I just feel like I don't want to right now. But I have felt so very sad, depressed, frustrated with my life and the routine it's fallen into, feeling like I'm not accomplishing anything and I'm just wasting all this time doing nothing. Sad Sad Sad. Every single day about 2-3 hours before I leave work, I start to feel this sense of despair, dread, and doom. Every day! But now it's the weekend which makes it even worse. I've never really felt like this before in regard to weekends, evenings. Maybe because I was more busy and stressed so time off was nice. I don't know.
Now I only have like 20 minutes before I leave. It's already 6:10... I've taken to staying as late as I can, and I get the last bus to the park and ride where I park.
Well, I guess on the upside I got paid today which is really good because I really need money. Of course, most of the money I got will be used up soon to pay bills and stuff, but at least it won't be so depressing to see such a low balance in my checking account for a little while.
I wish I could just relax and enjoy the weekends, do nice relaxing fun things, etc etc. But I can't. I enjoy almost nothing. I'm so bored, but yet antsy from sitting around. Everything I do is like a time-filler. Oh, this is depressing me even more just to write about this. I think I need to stop.
Posted by gabbix2 on August 8, 2003, at 17:49:59
In reply to Weekend Blues - AGAIN!, posted by yesac on August 8, 2003, at 17:15:56
Oh yesac.
I'm sorry. I had a friend once who told me to at least buy some long cigarettes, put on dark red lipstick look in the mirror and take deep drags
and contemplate just how very tortured I am..That made me laugh. Of course thats all depending on the friend and just how depressed you are. It could also incite homicidal feelings if said at the wrong time.
I wish I had some answers for you. I'm preparing myself for a lonely one too, though I'm thinking of maybe going to walk some dogs at the S.P.C.A.
Just to get away from my nagging cat who is reaching that whiny pitch that usually only young children can achieve.
Posted by lil' jimi on August 9, 2003, at 1:05:29
In reply to Weekend Blues - AGAIN!, posted by yesac on August 8, 2003, at 17:15:56
hi yesac,
(and, now, ignoring the disappointment of losing my long stream-of-nonsense theory of everything i was expecting to be waiting for me to re-edit to perfection when i returned from the kitchen ... only to discover it had evaporated into microprocessor-oblivion and disappeared with its application quit and gone ... alas ... we shall begin again ... <sigh> ... )
seems clear to me from your post that your serotonin levels are too low and/or not stable enough .... .... continuously dreading weeekends should qualify as a standard index for depression
... not exactly a clinical index ...so i'm saying your NeuroTransMitters (NTMs) are using your emotions against you, instead of For you ... ... you're not getting the neurochemical support to relieve the malaise
... ... weren't we reading the med board lately looking for alternatives, maybe? ... seems like a plan to me ... ... adjustments have got to be in order to get you relief ... ... but you knew that ...... ... this is not of your choosing and it can't be your fault ... you don't Want to feel like this ... so try to give yourself a break about it ... Of Course, you are Not to blame here ...
i love gabby's suggestion ... ... dramatically emphasizing the grandeur of the suffering ... in style
... beautifully poetic ... thank you gabby ... beyond the absurdity of the banal .... way funny!
... ... i owe gabby a good laugh!then there's my sense of the [lack-of-motivation/lack-of-initiative/lack-of-interest/ennui/evasiveness]-like Thing that reminds me of Somebody ... ...
...
...
ME!
.... ... .... !but i just lucked into my gp rxing me my lex and it's working like magic ... well, i might bump up, but i got my NTMs working ... a lot better
... ... so my plan would be to research a new approach for your NTMs' support ... ... because if it was working before, it has quit on you now ... ... but you knew that too ...
... ... also i feel like i should encourage you to enlist your new roomates' understanding about how you are feeling ... .... otherwise they may, not unreasonably, draw the wrong conclusions .... .... and it'd be easiest if you didn't have another transistion now ... ... if talking to one of them is too hard, try to write them a note maybe ...
... i have been able to come to a much better understanding of meds and their nutritional support(s) from the posts of Larry Hoover, JrBecker and Ron Hill, in particular ... although, they're way technical ... ... they know and share a great deal of valuable insights ... but something else to try is to look for posters with our symptoms/dx ... see what they have been doing; seek insights ...
... but you knew that ...
... i don't know if i'll bump up or not ...
hang in there ... i'll check now to see if i'm missing any messages ...
TAKE CARE !!!
~ jim
> Oh you guys... why does it have to be like this? I haven't been doing too well this past week, well, longer actually. Not horrible horrible in that at least I haven't been really thinking about suicide at all, but that is more because, at least at this time - well, I don't know really. I just feel like I don't want to right now. But I have felt so very sad, depressed, frustrated with my life and the routine it's fallen into, feeling like I'm not accomplishing anything and I'm just wasting all this time doing nothing. Sad Sad Sad. Every single day about 2-3 hours before I leave work, I start to feel this sense of despair, dread, and doom. Every day! But now it's the weekend which makes it even worse. I've never really felt like this before in regard to weekends, evenings. Maybe because I was more busy and stressed so time off was nice. I don't know.
>
> Now I only have like 20 minutes before I leave. It's already 6:10... I've taken to staying as late as I can, and I get the last bus to the park and ride where I park.
>
> Well, I guess on the upside I got paid today which is really good because I really need money. Of course, most of the money I got will be used up soon to pay bills and stuff, but at least it won't be so depressing to see such a low balance in my checking account for a little while.
>
> I wish I could just relax and enjoy the weekends, do nice relaxing fun things, etc etc. But I can't. I enjoy almost nothing. I'm so bored, but yet antsy from sitting around. Everything I do is like a time-filler. Oh, this is depressing me even more just to write about this. I think I need to stop.
>
Posted by gabbix2 on August 9, 2003, at 12:04:42
In reply to re: Weekend Queen of the Blues » yesac, posted by lil' jimi on August 9, 2003, at 1:05:29
I'm glad you got a laugh out of that Jimi,
too bad there isn't a male equilvilent.
I suppose you could wear a trenchcoat to an obscure coffe shop and write furiously (while scowling) into a journalAh.. Be bitter and look fabulous!
Posted by lil' jimi on August 9, 2003, at 16:22:17
In reply to re: Weekend Queen of the Blues » lil' jimi, posted by gabbix2 on August 9, 2003, at 12:04:42
ah, gabbix,
> I'm glad you got a laugh out of that Jimi,
it was good for me ... impressively so ... i really appreciate it
> too bad there isn't a male equilvilent.
uh? er, ... you mean ... i don't ... no cigarette, ... lipstick ... ?
> I suppose you could wear a trenchcoat to an obscure coffe shop and write furiously (while scowling) into a journal
>oh!
okay! ... right, much better ...
... and again ... there's that exquisite contention\tension ... ... style and grace with pain and darkness .... .... heavily light-hearted in intensely self-skewering deprecation .... since we feel this way, we can do it for the aesthetic value ... since we suffer why not have it serve Beauty ... and humor ... and recovery... trenchcoat is nice ... lipstick was going to be too much, really ... and i hate tobacco so we won't get me started because it would spoil this ... scowling ... i can do that ... as long as i can keep a straight face! ACK!
>
> Ah.. Be bitter and look fabulous!
>perfect ... now i can get behind what these pointlessly disaffected teenagers are suffering so much about ... tortured souls bring attitude which creates style ...
( ... envisioning street gangs with central loyalty to their AD of choice ... ... "hey, man ... the lexaPros are going to rumble with the FXrs at the park across from the mental health shelter tonight!") .. .. not sure where that came from
i remember my abnormal psychology class ... our prof lectured us how woody allen's neuroses had made him a millionaire ... ... prof played bits from allen's routine for the lecture hall size class as examples of adaptive emotional imbalances ...
later,
~ jim
Posted by gabbix2 on August 9, 2003, at 16:33:07
In reply to re: weakened Queen of the Blues » gabbix2, posted by lil' jimi on August 9, 2003, at 16:22:17
Clever title change
I have noticed though, its very difficult to pull off the look when you're really in the depths, and having to wash your hair takes
3 days to talk yourself into, and of course dressing, "What? two shoes.. I have to find two shoes? oh forget it...
Posted by lil' jimi on August 10, 2003, at 3:53:07
In reply to re: weakened Queen of the Blues » lil' jimi, posted by gabbix2 on August 9, 2003, at 16:33:07
hi gabbix,
> Clever title change
>thanks
i try> I have noticed though, its very difficult to pull off the look when you're really in the depths, and having to wash your hair takes
> 3 days to talk yourself into, and of course dressing, "What? two shoes.. I have to find two shoes? oh forget it...
>i hear you ... ... perhaps we are proposing a
.... treatment ... therapy ... regimen ...
"The Suffering with Style Behavior Therapy" ... ... this would be prescribed for maintaining motivational energy by focusing them on keeping up appearances for the purpose of beautiful bitterness ...
... ... want to appeal to each of the fashion conscious subcultures ... goth, punk, c&w, noir, beat, hiphop ... et cetera ...
... ...
... ... "well, doc, i feel like cr*p ... "
... ... "But you look mahvelous!" .........
haven't been hearing from our yesac ... ... ?
Posted by yesac on August 12, 2003, at 14:03:12
In reply to re: Weekend Queen of the Blues » yesac, posted by lil' jimi on August 9, 2003, at 1:05:29
>
> so i'm saying your NeuroTransMitters (NTMs) are using your emotions against you, instead of For you ... ... you're not getting the neurochemical support to relieve the malaise
> ... ... weren't we reading the med board lately looking for alternatives, maybe? ... seems like a plan to me ... ... adjustments have got to be in order to get you relief ... ... but you knew that ...Yes, I have been extensively searching for possible medications that might help. Even looking at NIMH trials, not to participate actually, but just to get some ideas. I feel that I am at a stage of treatment-resistance that I really need to just look into totally other options. Maybe get away from the usual "antidepressants" because those obviously aren't doing everything. I've failed drugs from every standard class of ADs, including MAOIs (right now I'm on Parnate - hasn't done anything - wonder drug that it's supposed to be!). I'm thinking my next step will be a stimulant. Seeing my doc in a week. Lots to talk about with him.
>
> ... ... this is not of your choosing and it can't be your fault ... you don't Want to feel like this ... so try to give yourself a break about it ... Of Course, you are Not to blame here ...I know. But sometimes, you know, I just can't believe that this is really my life. It's like, there are all these stats out there... let's say something like 30% of people will suffer from mental illness sometime in their lives. 25% of people will suffer depression sometime in their lives. Well, yes, that is a lot, and possibly underestimated, but... still, that means that there are like at least 50% of adults out there who will NEVER experience it. I can't imagine life without depression. I can't imagine waking up and going through my days just feeling fine/good. Excited. Happy. I feel all of these things at times, moments here and there of contentness or calmness or well-being... but just for a few minutes or hours at a time. The depression is always looming in the background.
I don't know if I've mentioned it to you, but I did study neuroscience in college, so I have a bit of knowledge about the way things work/don't work. Not to say that I'm an expert or anything - far from it! But with that, and also learning so much from the med board and google searches, and talking to my psychiatrist, I really think that I understand a lot about medications. In any case - it doesn't really matter because understanding ABOUT medications has nothing to do with knowing if any particular thing will work for any particular person. It's all just so very preliminary really - we've barely even hit the frontier of brain knowledge, and they really don't know what mental illnesses are about, let alone what/how to "fix" them. It's just hit-or-miss, all a big game with no proven strategy to work with.
Posted by lil' jimi on August 12, 2003, at 14:48:54
In reply to medications... » lil' jimi, posted by yesac on August 12, 2003, at 14:03:12
hi yesac,
> I don't know if I've mentioned it to you, but I did study neuroscience in college, so I have a bit of knowledge about the way things work/don't work. Not to say that I'm an expert or anything - far from it! But with that, and also learning so much from the med board and google searches, and talking to my psychiatrist, I really think that I understand a lot about medications. In any case - it doesn't really matter because understanding ABOUT medications has nothing to do with knowing if any particular thing will work for any particular person. It's all just so very preliminary really - we've barely even hit the frontier of brain knowledge, and they really don't know what mental illnesses are about, let alone what/how to "fix" them. It's just hit-or-miss, all a big game with no proven strategy to work with.
>well, as one who has only the barest grasp of the pharmocological mechanisms involved with our meds, i think it would be a wonderful avantage to have a deeper theoretical background to use to assess these drugs and their effectiveness ... ... it has got to be a better guide for choosing a treatment than just ... ... ... guessing ... anyway?
especially when combined with dicussing this with your doctor ...
... out on the meds board there are some striking success stories, but they seem like most are from recovering OCDers, who, of course are going to post more than others ... ... but they will tell us about their "cures" ... won't they ?
whereas, i don't see a lot of folks poatinf about their solution to depression so much ...
... and we may guess that their solutions are nearly as individual as they are ... ... except a lot of them must be using the same meds.and you should be better for the technical guidance we get from Larry Hoover and JrBecker.
have you tried any of the nutritional suggestions they have offered?
have you read any of "Mind Boosters", which is online at http://www.mind-boosters.com/
in its entirey?take care!
~ jim
Posted by yesac on August 12, 2003, at 16:38:22
In reply to re: medications... » yesac, posted by lil' jimi on August 12, 2003, at 14:48:54
No, I hadn't ever seen the book. I took a brief look at the website - looks potentially interesting - I'll look more later when there's more time.
This is the end of the thread.
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