Posted by lil' jimi on August 9, 2003, at 1:05:29
In reply to Weekend Blues - AGAIN!, posted by yesac on August 8, 2003, at 17:15:56
hi yesac,
(and, now, ignoring the disappointment of losing my long stream-of-nonsense theory of everything i was expecting to be waiting for me to re-edit to perfection when i returned from the kitchen ... only to discover it had evaporated into microprocessor-oblivion and disappeared with its application quit and gone ... alas ... we shall begin again ... <sigh> ... )
seems clear to me from your post that your serotonin levels are too low and/or not stable enough .... .... continuously dreading weeekends should qualify as a standard index for depression
... not exactly a clinical index ...so i'm saying your NeuroTransMitters (NTMs) are using your emotions against you, instead of For you ... ... you're not getting the neurochemical support to relieve the malaise
... ... weren't we reading the med board lately looking for alternatives, maybe? ... seems like a plan to me ... ... adjustments have got to be in order to get you relief ... ... but you knew that ...... ... this is not of your choosing and it can't be your fault ... you don't Want to feel like this ... so try to give yourself a break about it ... Of Course, you are Not to blame here ...
i love gabby's suggestion ... ... dramatically emphasizing the grandeur of the suffering ... in style
... beautifully poetic ... thank you gabby ... beyond the absurdity of the banal .... way funny!
... ... i owe gabby a good laugh!then there's my sense of the [lack-of-motivation/lack-of-initiative/lack-of-interest/ennui/evasiveness]-like Thing that reminds me of Somebody ... ...
...
...
ME!
.... ... .... !but i just lucked into my gp rxing me my lex and it's working like magic ... well, i might bump up, but i got my NTMs working ... a lot better
... ... so my plan would be to research a new approach for your NTMs' support ... ... because if it was working before, it has quit on you now ... ... but you knew that too ...
... ... also i feel like i should encourage you to enlist your new roomates' understanding about how you are feeling ... .... otherwise they may, not unreasonably, draw the wrong conclusions .... .... and it'd be easiest if you didn't have another transistion now ... ... if talking to one of them is too hard, try to write them a note maybe ...
... i have been able to come to a much better understanding of meds and their nutritional support(s) from the posts of Larry Hoover, JrBecker and Ron Hill, in particular ... although, they're way technical ... ... they know and share a great deal of valuable insights ... but something else to try is to look for posters with our symptoms/dx ... see what they have been doing; seek insights ...
... but you knew that ...
... i don't know if i'll bump up or not ...
hang in there ... i'll check now to see if i'm missing any messages ...
TAKE CARE !!!
~ jim
> Oh you guys... why does it have to be like this? I haven't been doing too well this past week, well, longer actually. Not horrible horrible in that at least I haven't been really thinking about suicide at all, but that is more because, at least at this time - well, I don't know really. I just feel like I don't want to right now. But I have felt so very sad, depressed, frustrated with my life and the routine it's fallen into, feeling like I'm not accomplishing anything and I'm just wasting all this time doing nothing. Sad Sad Sad. Every single day about 2-3 hours before I leave work, I start to feel this sense of despair, dread, and doom. Every day! But now it's the weekend which makes it even worse. I've never really felt like this before in regard to weekends, evenings. Maybe because I was more busy and stressed so time off was nice. I don't know.
>
> Now I only have like 20 minutes before I leave. It's already 6:10... I've taken to staying as late as I can, and I get the last bus to the park and ride where I park.
>
> Well, I guess on the upside I got paid today which is really good because I really need money. Of course, most of the money I got will be used up soon to pay bills and stuff, but at least it won't be so depressing to see such a low balance in my checking account for a little while.
>
> I wish I could just relax and enjoy the weekends, do nice relaxing fun things, etc etc. But I can't. I enjoy almost nothing. I'm so bored, but yet antsy from sitting around. Everything I do is like a time-filler. Oh, this is depressing me even more just to write about this. I think I need to stop.
>
poster:lil' jimi
thread:249404
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030808/msgs/249459.html