![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2003, at 20:53:29
And tomorrow, my debt consolidation loan will go through. And I will cut up my cards and cancel them.
And I think my minimum expenditures are more than I make. I need to either work more hours or find some way to cut expenses. But I'm only counting the minimum expenditures, so there's nothing to cut. Except therapy. And even that may not do it.
So I need to work more hours. But I have come to the sad conclusion that this *is* as good as I can do, workwise. But I *have* to do better.
I'm not in a good place today.
Posted by Sebastian on August 5, 2003, at 21:50:55
In reply to I'm a spendaholic, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2003, at 20:53:29
Hope you can work it out. How can you be a spendaholic if your just woried about neccessities?
Sebastian
Posted by gabbix2 on August 5, 2003, at 22:50:07
In reply to I'm a spendaholic, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2003, at 20:53:29
Oh Dinah ((Dinah))
I'm wondering how Dinah would respond to this post, she always knows just what to say :)
The thing is you will manage, I know you will,
I mean, you just do, somehow, it works. As long as you have an income, it truly does.
I remember scaring myself silly, if my hours got cut at work, really I'd make myself sick over it,
and it was always okay. Right now its not okay, but thats because I have no income at all.I think sometimes the change just incites the panic and then it gets attributed to the money situation.
Do you have to take on more hours at work ahead of time? Or can you take them if an emergency vet bill arises? Or what about Pet insurance,
I know you can get that in Canada, and it doesn't cost very much, just a few dollars a month.You know I really mean this, it will be okay.
My friends dad was the only man who could say this and get away with it somehow, I think it was his thick Irish accent.
"Ah, it'll be fine, yer jist a wee bi' intense is all"
Posted by fallsfall on August 5, 2003, at 23:07:13
In reply to I'm a spendaholic, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2003, at 20:53:29
> And tomorrow, my debt consolidation loan will go through. And I will cut up my cards and cancel them.
>
> And I think my minimum expenditures are more than I make. I need to either work more hours or find some way to cut expenses. But I'm only counting the minimum expenditures, so there's nothing to cut. Except therapy. And even that may not do it.What do you mean by "minimum expenditures"? Is that the minimum payment on the credit cards? Your debt consolidation should give you a new amount to pay each month. It should be less than your "Minimum payments" have been.
Or do you mean your electricity, heat, telephone, internet, etc?
Have you done a budget to see how much money is coming in and going out?
Cutting therapy is risky - you and your therapist have determined that twice a week is necessary for your stability. Is he flexible on his fee?
>
> So I need to work more hours. But I have come to the sad conclusion that this *is* as good as I can do, workwise. But I *have* to do better.
>
If you work more than you "can", you will pay a very heavy price. Please be very careful about this. My guess is that it is easier to cut expenses than to increase your income.> I'm not in a good place today.
>I'm sorry things are hard for you. Please let me know if I can help (these kinds of things are sort of up my alley).
(((((Dinah)))))
Posted by NikkiT2 on August 6, 2003, at 7:22:51
In reply to Re: I'm a spendaholic » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on August 5, 2003, at 23:07:13
*hugs* I've been just where you are now.. infcat, my debt consolidation loan got called in and I ended up with debt collectors on my door step.. BUT.. I calmy explained to them that my illness had caused over spending, I had realise dmy problems, was seeking help, so could I possibly pay a smaller amount each month.. they agreed to this and I now only pay a tiny emount (comparitivly... the debt is £14,000 and I only pay £50 a month)..
Hang in there hun.. things will work out
Nikki x
Posted by Penny on August 6, 2003, at 7:44:13
In reply to I'm a spendaholic, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2003, at 20:53:29
> And tomorrow, my debt consolidation loan will go through. And I will cut up my cards and cancel them.
>
> And I think my minimum expenditures are more than I make. I need to either work more hours or find some way to cut expenses. But I'm only counting the minimum expenditures, so there's nothing to cut. Except therapy. And even that may not do it.
>
> So I need to work more hours. But I have come to the sad conclusion that this *is* as good as I can do, workwise. But I *have* to do better.
>
> I'm not in a good place today.
>
Totally right there with you, Dinah. I went to a credit counseling agency here (a legit one) and they told me I should consider bankruptcy. I simply don't bring in enough money to cover everything I need to pay. And I'm salaried, so I can't work overtime, which means I have to find a second job.So, I went to a bankruptcy attorney and she advised me that because I have no real property I could just stop paying on my credit cards. And I paid her to communicate with my creditors for me so I wouldn't have to take the phone calls from them. They will probably all take out judgments against me and then I will have to file paperwork to make sure all of my property is exempted. Joy. So far this hasn't happened, but it will in due course.
Of course, you are probably in a much different situation, assuming you own property that could be taken from you if you don't pay those bills. Wish I knew what to tell you. I currently still, even without paying the credit cards, don't bring home enough money to pay for everything I have to (car, car insurance, cell phone, utilities & rent), not to mention all the other things I NEED such as food, tolietries, medication, therapy, doctor bills, vet bills, etc. I told my therapist last night that I really need to cut back on therapy - I certainly can't afford to see her twice a week at $34.40 a pop, nor can I really afford to see her once a week. She wasn't too keen on this as I just got out of the hospital and she said she wasn't comfortable only seeing me once a week or less. So, she's lowering her fees for me in the meantime. My pdoc's already waiving his for me, so he's accepting only what the insurance is paying him. I hate having to ask them to do that for me (technically I didn't ask, they offered), but my only other option is to end treatment altogether, and I don't think they would let me do that. Still, I don't know how I'm going to swing therapy even at a reduced rate or medication...and my dogs need to go to the vet...
(((Dinah)))
I really hope things work out for you. Money problems suck big time.
P
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 9:49:42
In reply to Re: I'm a spendaholic---Super (nm) for you, posted by Sebastian on August 5, 2003, at 21:50:55
Obviously, my major spending days are in the past. :) But believe me, I could spend with the best of them. :(
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 10:03:14
In reply to Re: I'm a spendaholic » Dinah, posted by Penny on August 6, 2003, at 7:44:13
I almost hate to complain, because I'm married and my husband (who is fiscally responsible) pays the lion's share of household expenses and necessities.
But we do not comingle our funds, because my mother was a spendthrift and when we married I was determined not to have our marriage have the same problems my parents' had. At the time I hadn't expected to become a spendthrift (rueful grimace) but as things have turned out, I've managed to protect my husband.
I have five elderly dogs that are my responsibility. So my necessities are
car insurance
car gas
dog heartworm/flea prevention
dogfood
my one dog's chronic care (over $100 per month)
vet bills, including yearly shots
my predetermined contribution to household expenses
loan consolidation debt payment
therapy over what is paid by reimbursement plan
personal grooming supplies and over the counter drugs (I might be able to talk my husband into paying these)
I may be forgetting some thingsMy husband *will* not pay for any of these things.
I can possibly cut back on the dog expenses by using the internet to buy the dog pills, buying cheaper dog food (I really hate to do this for these old guys). But those are just a drop in the bucket. And realistically, given the age of the five dogs (10-13) the expenses are likely to increase.
It's going to come down to cutting therapy or increasing hours worked, I'm afraid. I really am afraid. :(
Posted by NikkiT2 on August 6, 2003, at 10:21:46
In reply to Re: I'm a spendaholic » Penny, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 10:03:14
My husband and I don't have joint finances either, and so many people think we're freaks because of it.. but my dad was very strict with money, and I never wanted to feel I had to beg for money again.
But its never taken into acocunt when I ask for assistance.. I can't get any government finicial aid (ie, long term sickness benefits) as my husband earns too much, I can't even get a grant to do some studying to help me get back to work.. I can't get help with medication costs or dental bills (haven;t been able to afford to visit dentist for over 2 years so have been taken off their books, and no one else I can sign on with now anyway), and his medical insurance doesn't cover me.
Yet he still expects me to pay my way.. pay his half the mortgage every month, pay half the bills etc. It upsets me so much when I see him buying so much rubbish (star wars / Lord of the rings toys etc) yet I worry if I can afford to visit my mum this month..
Sorry.. you hit a sore spot with me *lol* Whinge over!
Nikki x
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 10:29:45
In reply to Re: I'm a spendaholic » Dinah, posted by NikkiT2 on August 6, 2003, at 10:21:46
I understand completely. Although my husband is pretty good about paying for most things. He just needs me to pay a certain portion of the major expenses, based on what we each earn. It's really more than fair.
I see my parents struggling now because of my mother's money attitudes over the years, and I wanted to make sure that never happened to my husband (or to me, if he suddenly developed a gambling problem or something). But he's Mr. Responsible.
Fortunately I'm covered under his health insurance or I don't know what I'd do.
All my problems now are completely of my own making. :( I have to think about buying a burger now, and usually decide not to. It's quite a sobering realization.
Posted by Ted on August 6, 2003, at 10:51:11
In reply to I'm a spendaholic, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2003, at 20:53:29
Dinah,
You are going in the right direction. I have no trouble being tight with my money -- it was how I survived for many years. My procedure when I wanted to buy something was to ask myself if I needed the item to live or if I could wait one day (week, month, year ...) to buy it later. My sister said I was the tightest person she knew ... but that was before I met my wife. :-) Still, I am not a big spender.
Everything will be fine if you stick to the plan, and I am sure you can do that.
Ted
Posted by Penny on August 6, 2003, at 11:11:05
In reply to Re: I'm a spendaholic, posted by Ted on August 6, 2003, at 10:51:11
Dinah,
I totally understand. I am sitting here, right now, at lunch time and can barely stand the fact that I can't go out and grab lunch - that I have to sit here and eat what I brought or eat nothing at all - because I can't afford it. And it makes me cringe to think of all the money I've just purely wasted over the past few years. WASTED. Spent without thinking. Using my credit cards wasn't really a problem for me until I was unemployed last summer - when I ended up living on them. Now I have 3 maxed out cards, a loan that I can't repay (but fortunately isn't a secured loan) and 2 more years of car payments. I won't even go into the student loans, which are currently deferred. All in all, I owe about $30,000, and my salary (before taxes) is only $30,000. I actually bring home about $1500 a month, and $500 goes to rent, $270 goes to car payments, $130 goes to car insurance (high due to my wreck 3 years ago), $60 to cell phone (which I use as my primary phone), $140 to utilities, and that doesn't (as I said before) include food, therapy, doctor visits, medication, vet bills, etc. Right now one of my dogs is behind on her shots and I just don't have the money to take her. I just had to pay my deductible this year for my health insurance, and I just bought heartworm pills which ran me about $50 for a three month supply (2 dogs). My roommate works two jobs - but her second one is as a professional mentor for a little boy and she loves it, so it's not really like a job to her. I tried to get a job at the same place, but they had changed the rules and I wouldn't have been making enough money to justify taking the job. Her gross salary at her full-time job is more than mine too, so she has no problem covering her part of the rent and utilities, but I don't think she understands why I do. I've looked for places where I can cut back, and I just don't see any. If I were living alone, I'd have to pay the utilities on my own, but I wouldn't have cable TV and possibly no house phone, but with a roommate, I don't have that choice.
Suddenly, I'm not hungry anymore. I know I need to eat something - I have some fruit cups and a granola bar, so I may stick to that. I brought soup, but it just doesn't sound appetizing.
I'm so sorry Dinah. I haven't been very optimistic or helpful. Hopefully consolidating the loans will make it easier for you to handle the payments. Something will work out - just try to hang in there.
I think you need another hug:
(((Dinah)))P
Posted by Kar on August 6, 2003, at 11:19:53
In reply to Re: I'm a spendaholic, posted by Ted on August 6, 2003, at 10:51:11
Ted and Dinah- just interested- were you brought up that way?
>ask myself if I needed the item to live or if I could wait one day
I NEED that Coach bag to live. I mean it.
Really.Dinah, you've acknowledged the problem. That's a lot more than many will do. Sooo many more people live beyond their means and are up to their elbows in debt than you think (all right, then 'I' thought).
Congratulations for getting this far.
You should be proud.
I know you're worried, but you made a good start.Karen
Posted by KimberlyDi on August 6, 2003, at 15:59:26
In reply to I'm a spendaholic, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2003, at 20:53:29
Dinah,
I crashed severely in 1997 with credit card debt and heartbreak. I attempted Consumer Credit Counseling Services for 2.5 years (after 1 year of never opening my bills). I even managed to hold onto my house, it's a small one. But when I had to get a new car, CCCS payments went out the window. Well, my credit sucked. I couldn't finance anything. I could only purchase something after I saved enough money. For the past 6 years, I've been broke. It's a state of mind. It's acceptable. Just keep trudging along and do what you can. Then, a few days ago, I realized that I'm getting there. My house went up in value ($30k equity), my car is almost paid for, the wreck went off my driving record, I'm contributing to a 401k at work, etc.
Everything is falling into place. I finally went from a self-perceived loser to someone who has achieved something to be proud of. So HAVE HOPE. Baby steps add up. Don't let it overwhelm you.
KDi in Texas
> And tomorrow, my debt consolidation loan will go through. And I will cut up my cards and cancel them.
>
> And I think my minimum expenditures are more than I make. I need to either work more hours or find some way to cut expenses. But I'm only counting the minimum expenditures, so there's nothing to cut. Except therapy. And even that may not do it.
>
> So I need to work more hours. But I have come to the sad conclusion that this *is* as good as I can do, workwise. But I *have* to do better.
>
> I'm not in a good place today.
>
Posted by Ted on August 6, 2003, at 17:27:47
In reply to Spendaholia- Dinah, Ted » Ted, posted by Kar on August 6, 2003, at 11:19:53
> Ted and Dinah- just interested- were you brought up that way?
What way? I grew up in a lower-middle class family with negligible discretionary spending ability. I learned to manage money from a very young age because it was the only way I could get what I wanted (saving allowance, planning for the future, etc.)
When I graduated from university and started professional work, I moved to a different state and I had virtually no start-up cash (apartment deposit, car insurance & registration, rent, etc.). It took me around 9 months to build a small savings account. By careful saving and cautionary spending, I managed to build a reasonable savings.
When my wife and I bought our house, it was just like starting all over again. We drained all our accounts to make the down payment and closing costs. We ate lots of peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches and macaroni-and-cheese for the first 6 months or so. Again, through careful saving and cautionary spending, we have built a handsome savings, many quality investments, and have our retirement completely funded.
BTW: My wife's parents (mainly her father) are even tighter with their money than I was in the beginning, to the point they make poor financial decisions. That is where my wife learned to be a cautious spender.
Credit card companies must hate us: In 18 years, I have paid only $3 and change in interest, and that was only because I lost the bill before I could pay it off in full.
Dinah, you can do this. I know you can, because I did nearly the same. Just keep reminding yourself you don't have a choice, and stick with it.
Ted
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 17:40:48
In reply to Re: I'm a spendaholic, posted by Ted on August 6, 2003, at 10:51:11
> Everything will be fine if you stick to the plan, and I am sure you can do that.
>
>
> Ted
>Hi Ted. I'm sure I can too. Without credit cards and with only the cash in my checking account, one way or another I'll have to. :)
A mere fifteen years of misery and I'll be able to buy new clothes. lol.
Dinah
P.S. It's nice to see you again.
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 17:41:15
In reply to Re: I'm a spendaholic, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 17:40:48
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 17:47:34
In reply to Re: I'm a spendaholic, posted by Penny on August 6, 2003, at 11:11:05
> I'm so sorry Dinah. I haven't been very optimistic or helpful. Hopefully consolidating the loans will make it easier for you to handle the payments. Something will work out - just try to hang in there.
>
> I think you need another hug:
> (((Dinah)))
>
> PAnd one for you (((Penny)))
You don't have to apologize. My posts to you have been absolutely despondent. But I know that both of us can get through this. It won't be pretty or fun, but we can do it. My financial position is roughly similar to yours. I'm going to sit down this evening now that I have the final monthly note for my consolidation loan. Then I'm going to try to remember all my minimum monthly obligations, and see if this is at all doable. If not, I'll have to decide between cutting down therapy or try to work more hours.
I'll make sure I am suitably medicated first.
Sigh.
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 17:49:58
In reply to Re: I'm a spendaholic » Dinah, posted by KimberlyDi on August 6, 2003, at 15:59:26
Thanks for the encouragement. I know this is the right thing to do. If I had kept going the way I was, I couldn't have kept the balls juggling indefinitely. Now I'll be forced to live within my means.
I've just got to figure out how to do that.
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 18:37:19
In reply to Re: I'm a spendaholic - Kar and » KimberlyDi, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 17:49:58
I'm either going to have to go from 25 to 33 hours per week, or go down to once a week therapy. Assuming they have 33 hours of work for me to do each week.
Posted by jane d on August 6, 2003, at 21:16:20
In reply to Re: Figured it out, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 18:37:19
Congratulations! My bills, bank statements, and probably a couple of newspapers from 1996, will be in the mail to you tomorrow. Perhaps you can figure out how to make my finances work too.
Thanks in advance,
Jane :)
PS. Should I include the matches or do you have your own?
Posted by fallsfall on August 6, 2003, at 21:37:25
In reply to Re: Figured it out, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 18:37:19
Good for you! I would have procrastinated to death.
So now you have a concrete choice to make. Not an easy choice, but at least it is a clear choice.
Be proud of yourself for the positive steps you have taken so far.
(((((Dinah)))))
Posted by Dinah on August 7, 2003, at 7:32:18
In reply to Re: Figured it out » Dinah, posted by jane d on August 6, 2003, at 21:16:20
LOL. As soon as I figure out how to live on my remaining money, I'll show you how to live in penury as well.
Virtue had better be its own reward, because there sure aren't any others.
Posted by Dinah on August 7, 2003, at 7:42:31
In reply to Re: Figured it out » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on August 6, 2003, at 21:37:25
But what a choice!
I'm seeing my therapist today. Somehow I think he'll come down on the side of working more hours. But even if the hours are available, I just don't think I can do it. I'll try for a while but I don't think I can.
An example is yesterday. A final something went wrong with the loan. I burst into tears right in their office. They were trying to help, my husband and I were trying to get them to lay off, because it was making it worse.
And I was totally unable to focus my mind for the rest of the day. I have a total inability to recover from upset without a few hours of sleep. Any attempt to work in that time period is worthless. I just wander, unable to focus sufficiently. And sad to say, I get upset pretty easily.
Luvox had me sleeping hours and hours a day, and stupid and unmotivated to boot. The more energizing AD's trigger a mixed episode of hypomania. The AP's are off limits because of my diabetes. So meds aren't the answer for me to be more productive either.
That leaves cutting down to once a week in therapy. Which will leave me less stable, and thus less often able to work.
A choice is clear. But the choices are untenable.
I guess this isn't a very good morning. I'd better go hide away.
Posted by fallsfall on August 7, 2003, at 11:03:48
In reply to Re: Figured it out » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on August 7, 2003, at 7:42:31
(((((Dinah)))))
Try one choice. If that doesn't work, try the other choice. If that doesn't work either then see if there is another option you haven't thought of. Something will work - you wouldn't let yourself be defeated.
I know what you mean about being upset and needing to sleep in order to function at all. I get in the same state.
Give your son a hug and eat Peanut Butter and Jelly for lunch (with chocolate milk, if you have some).
What luck that you see your therapist on Thursday this week and don't have to wait until tomorrow.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.