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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lostsailor on March 26, 2003, at 20:08:50
the board for a bit. I am just really frustrated, bored, anxious, maybe a "bit" manic. But if anyone is wondering I already called my doc and he said if this is all I've done he feels it was harmless, but "maybe" I should apologize for monopolizing the board. Actually, I could not believe, he really was actually that aware of this site.
Dr Bob, if you happen to read this, for all the abuse you seem to take from some posters,I guess I am apologizing to you as well but want to let you know some docs obviously give you a thumbs up.
~tony
Posted by fayeroe on March 26, 2003, at 20:15:10
In reply to i feel like i should say I'm sorry for taking over, posted by lostsailor on March 26, 2003, at 20:08:50
> the board for a bit. I am just really frustrated, bored, anxious, maybe a "bit" manic. But if anyone is wondering I already called my doc and he said if this is all I've done he feels it was harmless, but "maybe" I should apologize for monopolizing the board. Actually, I could not believe, he really was actually that aware of this site.
>
> Dr Bob, if you happen to read this, for all the abuse you seem to take from some posters,I guess I am apologizing to you as well but want to let you know some docs obviously give you a thumbs up.
> ~tonytony, as i've said before "we all star in our own movie" and i see this happening all over these boards.....we're all ill and sometimes it takes over and we do know how to carry on. i do think the main thing for all of us to remember is that we're ill, they're ill, you're ill and we should all treat each other with the respect that we want for ourselves....does that make sense? i hate to see someone get hurt when they are ill and in their "own star" are reaching out for help. i've read alot of the posts today and don't see you abusing the site. for whatever it's worth. pat
Posted by paxvox on March 26, 2003, at 20:30:21
In reply to i feel like i should say I'm sorry for taking over, posted by lostsailor on March 26, 2003, at 20:08:50
You gots to go with the flow. Unless you are like some certain people I won't name, who post caustic diatribe, post away! Dr. B will tell you if you are using up too much memory on the server (LOL). Hey, you can even talk to yourself (that seems to work for some). Actually, I understand that logic. If one puts publicly into words what's on one's mind so that others can "see" it, isn't that a way of group therapy? I think it is. It may be a new twist to this thing. Let's try just putting out some emotes and see who picks up on them. OK, I'll even go first:
I'm sad and lonely because my wife's illness has caused her to shut me out of her life. We hardly even talk.And it hurts like hell.
There.
PAX
Posted by sienna on March 26, 2003, at 20:30:50
In reply to Re: i feel like i should say I'm sorry for taking over, posted by fayeroe on March 26, 2003, at 20:15:10
yeah, what she said.... no really though you are not monoplizing the boards. anyway, i like it. i mean post a hell of alot. it makes me feel better and plus i need to know there peopel out there. and then i also dont freel bad when i post a lot, hehe. if that makes any sense. i guess what im trying to say is, "i think you are rad and totally funny and sweet and a buncha other good stuff and i think you should post as much as you want to and not worry about it. You certanly arnt spamming or anything. does that make it better?
yer friend
sienna
Posted by fayeroe on March 26, 2003, at 20:36:40
In reply to Re: i feel like i should say I'm sorry for taking , posted by sienna on March 26, 2003, at 20:30:50
i'm sorry that you are hurting. maybe your wife feels like she is saving you from the pain of her illness. have you told her how you feel? pat
Posted by sienna on March 26, 2003, at 20:43:01
In reply to Re: i feel like i should say I'm sorry for taking over, posted by paxvox on March 26, 2003, at 20:30:21
pax i agree im sorry you are hurting too. I have thought about suggesting we have different group therapy type things in the chat room.. i wonder would if it would work. Im sorry your wife is ill. and that youarent talking. how long has it been this way? Is there any small things you thinnk would help a litlte? It mustbe very hard for you both.
Sienna
Posted by paxvox on March 26, 2003, at 20:49:34
In reply to Re: pax, posted by fayeroe on March 26, 2003, at 20:36:40
Oh my God yes! I have BEGGED her to go to counseling together, marriage or other types. She has unilaterally refused. Her's is an issue of control. The only control she has in her life is running away from it. Sounds strange, but I could give you the long version, or you could read my posts for the past seveal years (that would take some time). It's a process, but both of us have to WANT to participate. Thanks for the response.
PAX
Posted by fayeroe on March 26, 2003, at 23:03:08
In reply to Re: pax, posted by paxvox on March 26, 2003, at 20:49:34
oh wow, my best friend controls with denial....................(her life, not mine though) so i know exactly what you are talking about! wow! i'm really sorry!! pat
Posted by kara lynne on March 27, 2003, at 1:26:15
In reply to i feel like i should say I'm sorry for taking over, posted by lostsailor on March 26, 2003, at 20:08:50
I think we just overwhelmed you with our love-fest and fur lined cuffs.
Posted by dogboy on March 27, 2003, at 4:35:06
In reply to Re: pax, posted by paxvox on March 26, 2003, at 20:49:34
That sounds really miserable. You obviously love your wife a lot...
Hang in there, though maybe you should start being more assertive than begging her to go to counselling.
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2003, at 5:28:54
In reply to i feel like i should say I'm sorry for taking over, posted by lostsailor on March 26, 2003, at 20:08:50
I didn't notice a thing. I think sometimes we blow these things up in our own minds. If you have a lot to say, go ahead and say it. It will probably resonate with some.
For example, your Giving Tree post, and Oddipus's answer gave me something to think about in a way I hadn't before. So thank you.
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2003, at 5:33:44
In reply to Re: i feel like i should say I'm sorry for taking over, posted by paxvox on March 26, 2003, at 20:30:21
Sorry, Pax.
You're right about her needing to cooperate for things to get better. I'm sure you've done what individual therapy, etc. you need to deal with it as best as possible. Anything more does depend on her.
And as I think I recall, you feel you can't leave for fear of losing the kids?
A rotten situation. Make sure you get all the support you can.
Posted by paxvox on March 27, 2003, at 12:12:55
In reply to Re: i feel like i should say I'm sorry for taking over » paxvox, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2003, at 5:33:44
Well, yes, my youngest child (almost 8) is more important to me than anything else in THIS world. I love my wife, but she has made it very difficult to like her over the past 8 years as things have fallen apart. You may or may not have read the posts I have made about her condition in the past year or so. I only disclosed vailed information on the general board as I recall, and gave more info to those who contact me by email, or were on the "live" board we used to (still?) have. My counselor has been helping me find ways to let her know that her conduct is unacceptable without making it a negative reflection on HER (rather her actions). One interesting tidbit he pointed out, and I guess you would have to know some of her history to understand the relevence of this point. So, I'll just say this much: her illness is related to an abuse situation that happened to her from 8-13. My counselor has suggested to me that sometime abuse victims become "frozen" in time from the period of the abuse in their mental and pyschological reasoning capabilities. This would explain a lot. For example, she evades direct conflict or discussion by basically storming out or "not wanting to talk about it" much the way a pre-teen might react to her parent. I have become the "parent" as well as the "abuser" through transference. Therefore, when there are issues she doesn't want to deal with, she applies escapist tactics similar to a pre-teen. Does any of this make sense?
PAX
Posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 13:35:08
In reply to Re: i feel like i should say I'm sorry for taking over, posted by paxvox on March 27, 2003, at 12:12:55
posts that you have been making lately. I can imagine how difficult a situation you are in. As you mentioned in the above, you 8 yr. old daughter is "THE" most important thing to you now. At the risk of being invasive is she revieving any professional help to combat the same feelings, also via transference, that are causing you distress???
I would assume it is as difficult, if not more, for her and that her needs are a priority as well. As I said, I am not totally familure with the whole situation and you probably already have this covered.
Also, I know in AIDS patients they often develop an early for of dementia. Does this also happen with those batteling cancer???
~tony
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2003, at 19:18:02
In reply to Re: i feel like i should say I'm sorry for taking over, posted by paxvox on March 27, 2003, at 12:12:55
Unfortunately it makes a bit too much sense.
I do indeed recall your story. In fact, I suspect that at least one of my posts reminded you a bit of your wife. :) And since I'll confess that escapist tactics (a la dissociation) are my stock in trade, I was only mildly taken aback.
I have the utmost respect for your commitment to your child. It is so important to her to have a relatively stable home, and at least one stable parent.
I'm sorry your wife isn't more willing to commit to therapy or meds for herself. Not only would it make her marriage better but it would make her own life immeasurably richer. Not even to mention the beneficial effect on her child. My own commitment to therapy has much to do with being the best mom I can be to my son. None of those considerations will sway her? That was a rhetorical question really, because I know from your posts that you've exhausted all the possibilities you can think of.
Perhaps one day her heart will be turned.
Posted by paxvox on March 27, 2003, at 20:52:58
In reply to Pax...I have a pretty general understanding of the, posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 13:35:08
Tony, as for my daughter, I was just thinking today that she might need some couseling, because she has been acting out lately. Now how I get THAT accomplished will be another battle (you see, it took 7 years just to get my wife to get some counseling).
Your question about cancer and dementia. I don't know how that fits in, unless you read a post I made about my mom's death and my depression. In HER case, yes, she did develop a form of dementia. Though I believe they called it Organic Brain Syndrome. Toward the end she was quite delusional. This sounds "bad", but she stopped being the "mom" I knew about a year or two after she got sick (she lived 4 years after DX with multiple myeloma). I was a horribly, terribly sad time for all of us. I miss her, and miss that my daughter never knew her. Thanks for asking.
PAX
Posted by paxvox on March 27, 2003, at 20:56:58
In reply to Re: i feel like i should say I'm sorry for taking over » paxvox, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2003, at 19:18:02
I long for that day, and only hope it is not too late for all of us to find some happiness. So much history behind it all that I'm afraid it has "become" who she is. She would almost have to re-learn how to live. I know that is possible, but it takes extreme commitment, and intense personal desire for change. I don't know if she has it in her.
PAX
This is the end of the thread.
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