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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by beautiful_mind on January 31, 2003, at 21:51:35
Well I went out with my Grandparents tonight and my parents to a usual spot we head to in the past few years. A restaurant near their house and not far from ours either. The afternoon though was stressful I became paranoid again like usual around people for no real reason. Though it seems a whistle is the device which triggered negative feelings towards a man walking into the store where I was at, he kept whistling and talking about what he was doing from behind me while I looked through records. This was bothersome enough to make me angry. Then I was embarrassed of my anger, and when I went to the next local I was still pissed and felt very paranoid about people around me. I had to cool off a little bit latter at a park. I found a peaceful spot and sat in my car analizing the situation as best as I could. It's strange the paranoia. It seems like a very sensitive feeling though I can't quite place it's purpose in me. Later tonight I felt better going out with my relatives and less or no paranoia. I comes on and off mostly the worst is when I am by myself which is mostly when I do go out. I went up to the record store today and met my pretty long aquintance there who runs the thrift record collectors shop, he as long hippy hair and beard. He almost appears to be a little homeless though he has money, but wears the same clothes etc. He and I met at the latte place and chatted a little but it seemed to be irritating me today spending though few short periods of time with him. But when I went back to his store I just collected records and felt a little anoiyed by how I was feeling. I seem to feel an aquintance with this fellow who runs the store and talks to me when I'm there but don't really like his appearance and his smell sometimes that bothers me a little more than I feel like handling, and I always never regret the great record deals I get at his place which is not that frequented by customers for the lack of order and organization in the shop. Anyway that was bugging me today and the paranoia was a little high after that incident, though I didn't feel it was directly related to that, but it probably is. I suppose I don't mind using his business for collecting though finding this man a friend is a little difficult, he seems to be a loner and mostly it's a curiousity to me being at his store and finding great vinyl records I sell and store in my collection, I've know of him and frequented his business for about four years or longer.
Posted by OddipusRex on February 1, 2003, at 10:02:48
In reply to talk about my day, posted by beautiful_mind on January 31, 2003, at 21:51:35
Beautiful, you seem really aware of your paranoia. That's good isn't it? I mean that at least you know it's paranoia so you can try to compensate for it. Have you ever tried any kind of CBT to deal with it? I know there was a post about CBT for paranoid thoughts a while back.
What kind of vinyl records do you collect? My parents have hundreds of them but they aren't Rock classics or anything-more like big bands and showtunes. They even have a few 8 track tapes. I wonder if anyone will ever collect them?
>
Posted by bookgurl99 on February 1, 2003, at 12:29:55
In reply to talk about my day, posted by beautiful_mind on January 31, 2003, at 21:51:35
You know, when I spend time with people, even people I like, I often have to spend time decompressing. It sounds like -- along with the stress of monitoring your paranoia and just the uncomfortableness of dealing with the fear -- you also need to decompress. Maybe you just have to try to socialize like, one small bit at a time.
BTW, I also like those stores where everything's all jumbly and disorganized. Sometimes you can find some cool things you didn't even know you were looking for, you know?
p.s. I like your psycho-babble name "Beautiful_Mind." Kinda thought it was funny.
Posted by agencypanic on February 1, 2003, at 22:25:16
In reply to Re: talk about my day, posted by bookgurl99 on February 1, 2003, at 12:29:55
> BTW, I also like those stores where everything's all jumbly and disorganized. Sometimes you can find some cool things you didn't even know you were looking for, you know?
Kind of like the books in my apartment: rearranged shelves and stacks the other day and discovered stuff that I didn't remember owning.
And as for paranoia: It's been consuming me of late and sometimes I think I get a tenuous grip on it and then it comes down on top of me.
I've resorted to taking part of an ativan during the day recently so that I'm at least numb to the intense paranoia, but I don't like doing this because
I use the stuff before bed and I don't want to go through my supply so fast nor become too much in need of it to make it through the day.
But at this moment...by any means necessary.
Posted by lostsailor on February 5, 2003, at 11:30:41
In reply to Re: talk about my day, posted by agencypanic on February 1, 2003, at 22:25:16
Reading these posts, I have noticed that you, in concert almost, have painted an interesting picture for me to gaze into for a while and explore exactly where I belong in it. I guess I see more and more themes and similarities and the boards daily. Was, what’s his name, Jung- HA, I remembered- that talked of the collective unconscious and explored the world’s archetypes more reality based that I had realized? That’s what the boards seem to show…we seem to suffer singularly but also simultaneously and collectively. Gee, more for me to contemplate-great…lol. Being agoraphobic and riddled with "paranoia" albeit my gad, panic, and who really knows anymore --social phobia, too perhaps?
Bookgrl, thanks for the term decompress; that totally summarizes what I seem to have wanted to articulate to myself and to others for so long. But why do I feel the need to decompress more after being out with close friends and long intimate encounters either in a one on one form and even more as the numbers in the group increase? This I can't grasp. It seems to defy rational. HHHMMM…
Why do I like disorganized stores and big cities vs. the mid size one I live in now? The answer is easy: The anonymity. That does not seem right that I choose to feel more fearful with friends than with strangers, huh?
Comments welcomed and sort of even asked for,
~Tony
Posted by bozeman on February 7, 2003, at 23:48:09
In reply to Re: talk about my day, posted by lostsailor on February 5, 2003, at 11:30:41
I posit that the reason we have to "decompress" after being with those closest to us, is that they are capable, like no others could be, of rattling us to our core. Because they *know* our core, as much as another *normal* can. And being *known*, risks rejection, since we view ourselves as *not* normal.
Resonate?
I have the same problem. My roommate, who is closer to me than nearly any other living soul, who I talked to four+ times a day until we moved in together, and I did not talk for about a year after we became roommates. It was just too risky, risking rejection. I love her like another part of me, like a sister, and it was too scary to have her that close, while sharing the same living space. Over the phone, forty miles apart, was fine. In the next bedroom was too much to handle. It took us a couple of years to get to where we could be as good of friends, rooming together, as we were living three towns apart.
Tony, you are like the mirror half of my soul, living the other half of my shattered but recovering life. It is as if you know the thoughts I never vocalize even to myself. You are better, and more whole, than you know, or you couldn't elucidate so clearly what I never speak even to myself. Hold on to those moments, as I suspect they are all we take with us after this life.
Thanks for being your deep, thoughtful, mildly neurotic, somewhat sarcastic, dysfunctional, wonderful self.
Another dysfunctional/wonderful/psychotic/too-much-to-handle-but-will-level-out-someday-God-willing Soul.
bozeman
Posted by lostsailor on February 8, 2003, at 15:02:24
In reply to Not even remotely irrational » lostsailor, posted by bozeman on February 7, 2003, at 23:48:09
Posted by lostsailor on February 8, 2003, at 15:06:26
In reply to lol...i'm think i, blushing. hmmm, bozeman (nm), posted by lostsailor on February 8, 2003, at 15:02:24
Posted by beautiful_mind on February 9, 2003, at 1:53:32
In reply to Re: talk about my day, posted by OddipusRex on February 1, 2003, at 10:02:48
CBT I have not try nor do I have a clue, and records are classic rock easy listening jazz and a mixture of some stuff in between. I love selling on ebay my records which I make quite a good tiny profit at and it's pretty regular as long as I keep posting, and international as well which is really cool I've had 100% success shipping and through the US post office! Does anyone else listen to old middle or new vinyl?
This is the end of the thread.
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