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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bluedog on February 13, 2003, at 9:31:17
Why do my family gatherings ALWAYS degenerate into screaming matches when the subject of my mental illness comes up.
My Parents totally, completely, utterly, fully, wholly, absolutely, entirely and unqualifiedly REFUSE to accept the FACT that I suffer from social anxiety. They tell me this is just a wacky label that my PDoc puts on me so he can make lots of money off me. They want to have a talk to my Pdoc so they can set him straight and tell him the truth about me and to tell him that they know me a lot longer than he has.
I can scream at them till I'm blue in the face and my voice cracks up trying to explain my symptoms to them. I can provide them with the best literature about this condition written by the most knowledgeable researchers on the subject. They still don't believe me!!!!!!!!
They say because they've know me all my life they would KNOW if I was suffering from social anxiety. AFTER all they saw me talking to a girl at a family function once and everyone tells them what a "nice" person I am. And nice people definitely can't suffer from social anxiety. "Besides" they say "they've never even heard of this thing called social anxiety and there is no way that any son of theirs would suffer from such a strange disease even if such an illness DID actually exist"
In fact I'm just like everybody else. I'm completely NORMAL. After all EVERYBODY sometimes gets a little nervous when they meet someone new or take on a new experience.
Aaaahh, so that must be why I'm still single and lonely at 33 years of age.
They barely even accept the fact that I suffer from depression but that's only because they once heard that this disease might even exist. However I really should just exercise a little more willpower to get out of bed in the mornings.
I nearly killed myself when I stormed out of my parents house tonight because I was so angry that I drove 180kph all the way home along the back streets in complete frustration.
whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhwywhywhy!!!!!!!!!
bluedog
Posted by beardedlady on February 13, 2003, at 9:39:14
In reply to whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy!!!!, posted by bluedog on February 13, 2003, at 9:31:17
Bluedog,
Why not have your Pdoc speak to your parents? If they don't believe you, maybe they'll believe him. Maybe he can give them a good talking to about their behavior toward you.
If it doesn't work, and they still don't believe you or him, they'll at least have a tiny nagging feeling in them that they could be wrong. And if it does work, they may stop being the people you need least in times like these.
Either way, you won't have LOST anything. Your situation could only improve.
What do you think?
beardy
Posted by dreamerz on February 13, 2003, at 9:42:11
In reply to whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy!!!!, posted by bluedog on February 13, 2003, at 9:31:17
Yep..I know what you're saying ..I think in my case is they blame themselves and so deny it-don't want to think they went wrong somewhere--just my case..
Hey you are still young ..I'm on the shelf now :-)..(do you know that xpression)
Maybe distance yourself more away from them..Excuse my brainfog
I'd better give you a Valentines kiss to cheer you up..
XXXKISSXXXKISSXXANDXXANOTHERXXKISSXXX
Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2003, at 9:45:30
In reply to whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy!!!!, posted by bluedog on February 13, 2003, at 9:31:17
They'll never understand, you know. And you'll just make yourself miserable trying to convince them. Just change the subject if it comes up. And if you want to keep in contact with them, you just have to accept their limitations.
I have the perfected the "uh huh mom. how is your garden doing?" technique. It may have to be repeated in broken record style.
Does it really matter if they accept it? Well, I suppose it does. But you can't make them, so it's just causing yourself pain to try.
Posted by bluedog on February 13, 2003, at 10:17:38
In reply to Re: Because » bluedog, posted by Dinah on February 13, 2003, at 9:45:30
I will thank you all properly and individually tommorrow when the steam has stopped coming out of my ears.
I'm going to bed now (it's past midnight and I have to crawl out of bed tomorrow to somehow get to work)
my warmest regards
bluedog
Posted by tina on February 13, 2003, at 10:21:35
In reply to Re: Because » bluedog, posted by Dinah on February 13, 2003, at 9:45:30
and move on to something else. They all do the "mind over matter" thing and "what do you have to be depressed about" or "panic disorder is just an excuse to be bitchy and antisocial"
Jeez.
Posted by jay on February 13, 2003, at 11:12:27
In reply to whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy!!!!, posted by bluedog on February 13, 2003, at 9:31:17
It took my parents *years* before they admitted I had a problem. See, my Dad went through a depression, and is on medication, and then they saw me in ways they never did before...like I would stay up for a few days straight, bawling my eyes out anytime someone just looked at me, and then wrote them a letter, basically a suicide note, about how sorry I am for being such a 'burden' and a "f*** up".That took about 7 years for it to sink into them. Then my neice came down with a nasty depression, and now even a person who used to be very, very anti-medication...my sister. It seems like it is not until mental illness affects *them* does it really sink in.
My honest little bit of advice...don't bother with them about it directly if they want to argue. Just keep pressing on and on and on about your symptoms...and if they try to argue, just cut it off right there and end it so they can't say anything. In other words...don't argue back, and then they can't bring their prejudice into the situation.
You also might want to try using the classic symptoms for words of description, like depression and anxiety, rather than social anxiety, because they likely know them better. (Even if they don't agree with you now.) 'Social anxiety disorder' is a very modern term, so hit them with the familiar.
At best...maybe just forget about talking with them about it. I know it sounds bad, but it's better than leaving you feeling as bad as you did.
I am 33 also...and I can identify with your frustration. At our age though, we have a right to ignore what our parents and family says. Just focus on *you*...your progress...and getting better when you can.I wish you all the best..
Jay
Posted by NikkiT2 on February 13, 2003, at 11:34:35
In reply to Re: whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy!!!! » bluedog, posted by dreamerz on February 13, 2003, at 9:42:11
When ever mental illness is discussed in out family, I leave the room or change the subject.. They are so.. so... damned ignorant!
My mother recently told everyone that knew of my problems (very few people, she doesn't like people knowing) that I was now fine and back at work!! WTF??? Neither are true, but she said it would make people think better of me.. ie, think better of her!
And then, everytime it does come up when we're alone she does the "woe is me, its all my fault.." so turns the sympathy onto her..
Drives me up the wall as they say!!
Deep breaths... deep breaths...
Nikki xx
Posted by Tabitha on February 13, 2003, at 14:00:05
In reply to whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy!!!!, posted by bluedog on February 13, 2003, at 9:31:17
Sorry bluedog, how frustrating it must be. My family used to suggest if I joined their church my symptoms would go away. Because all mental symptoms are a sign of not being right with God. A more modern-thinking friend criticized my decision to take meds, since she thought my symptoms should be left unchecked, so they could lead me to some golden nugget of self-knowledge. Thanks but no thanks, folks.
Posted by stjames on February 13, 2003, at 16:55:11
In reply to whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy!!!!, posted by bluedog on February 13, 2003, at 9:31:17
> Aaaahh, so that must be why I'm still single and lonely at 33 years of age.
I would say by 33, if things have not changed with your family on this issue it is time to
stop making it an issue. You are an adult,
you do not need them to "approve" of your having this illness.
Posted by justyourlaugh on February 14, 2003, at 7:59:34
In reply to whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy!!!!, posted by bluedog on February 13, 2003, at 9:31:17
blue,
i got so tired of it.
i pushed everyone away...
now i want it back..conditional love is better than no love at all.
i have to go see my family on sunday...i dont know how to do that without being drunk?
i always end up crying in the bathroom.
takecare blue...depression and social a. are harder to live with if you have no where to be..jyl
Posted by bozeman on February 14, 2003, at 23:49:59
In reply to whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy!!!!, posted by bluedog on February 13, 2003, at 9:31:17
So sorry you aren't more supported by your family.
We love you unconditionally . . . hope that helps in some small way.
bozeman
Posted by bluedog on February 15, 2003, at 23:41:11
In reply to Re: whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy!!!!, posted by bozeman on February 14, 2003, at 23:49:59
Thank you again everyone.
You know there is not even one single post from any of you guys in this thread that doesn't apply to my situation. It's ALL true. I definitely agree that my parents believe that their "baby" son suffering from a mental illness is a failing on their part in their raising of me!!
Beardy, I like your suggestion of allowing my parents to speak to my Pdoc but I saw the movie Donnie Darko last night and I must admit the scene where Donnie's parents met with his Psychiatrist really stuck in my mind and now I'm not so sure if I really want my parents to meet my Pdoc. They might end up worrying more than they already do.
Has anyone else seen this movie????? They never mentioned what meds Donnie was on but I'm willing to bet it was something a little stronger than a "mere" ssri or a benzo.
I'm probably just being paranoid but I can just see my Pdoc and my parents becoming an ominous force that will gang up on me and pressure me to increase my meds. My Pdoc has wanted to increase my AD dose for a while and I don't think I can handle my parents joining in with any added pressure. I think my Pdoc only agreed to DECREASE my AD dose because I think he was scared I was going to stop all my meds cold turkey.
All your posts have collectively been an enormous help and I agree now that at 33 years of age I really need to pull back and change the topic whenever the subject of mental illness comes up. As Tina said the topic of mental illness should simply be out of bounds. Believe it or not I've actually told them this on many occasions but they also refuse to accept this and their response is that "I don't understand what it is to be a parent" ( CATCH-22 really...I can't disagree with this statement because I don't know what it is to be a parent.....at least not to human babies.....I do have my doggy babies and they always agree with everything I tell them and then come up to give me a great big cuddle and (in Dreamers words) an enormous big KISSY.
And Jyl...thank you very much for your warning but I must add that alcohol is an incredibly potent argument accelerant in my family...especially if "I'M" drunk. I actually gave up alcohol cold turkey last June 2002 and the little experiments I've had dabbling with a couple of small drinks have proven to me that alcohol has an extremely powerful depressant effect on me even though I feel like all the worries of the world are gone when I am under the influence. Whenever I feel really bad I think about the "good" old days were I would empty a bottle of scotch in one night but I have been strong so far and not had any major slips. When I did drink I did so very deliberately and at purely social levels as an experiment just to see what would happen....it wasn't good so I'm now a tea-totaller again. (JASMINE TEA DREAMER)
I think I will suggest to my parents to go and watch Donnie Darko and they will then see that with my "MERE" social anxiety and major depression that they really don't have all that much to worry about and maybe they'll leave me alone to worry about my illness all on my own and in peace.
The weird thing is we are actually a really close family and love eachother enormously....it's just this one "little" sticking point of my mental illness that seems to create all the problems in our relationship.
NOW...Dreamer...how long have you been on the shelf...I can't believe this:) :). I've been on the shelf for years now and I'd actually ask you out for a milk shake myself after I've inspected your new pussy flap but I already have a date arranged with Bookgurl :) :).
warm regards everyone
bluedog
This is the end of the thread.
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